Dinner is served

By Vanessa Shepherd

You would think I never fed my youngest if you were to visit us in the morning hours. You see, at about 8am Jacob has first breakfast, by 9am second breakfast and at 11 he is STARVING and hangrily awaiting lunch. These meals aren’t snack size, no I am talking a big plate of food EVERY TIME. At this rate I would think he would have gained a pound or two, but no. Or going to the bathroom every 5 minutes to download a few of the calories that were uploaded… if you know what I mean… but no. It is most bizarre. Maybe he is English and this is normal for him, but I can guarantee you that it is most certainly not for me. Because I am a mom and I don’t have time to sit down eight times a day to enjoy every bite of food on my plate. I would be lucky if I even get every bite of food on my plate without a small albino child asking for one… or ten.

He is a pro at eating and I could use some lessons from him because you see- I haven’t eaten in weeks. And that’s not even the worst part… the worst part is that I didn’t even realize it. 

Life has gotten a bit busy with Michael’s homework (which I am sure will be the death of me), Christmas shopping, never ending laundry, church events, Michael’s homework, friends visiting, an anniversary, a birthday, Michael’s homework, and so much more. I feel like I was able to sit down today and put my feet up for the first time in weeks and I realized something- I am STARVING. 

I didn’t hate myself for it. I wasn’t mad. I was however a little embarrassed but more than anything I was hungry.

You see, I have talked a lot to the Chef lately. I haven’t missed one day of conversation, but when it came down to sitting down and enjoying what was made just for me I could always find an excuse. I have 100 things on my “to do” list. I am too tired. There is too much noise. Someone needs me. The list just goes on and on. And all the while I would stare at the table and see what my body groaned for getting cold. 

Have you ever found yourself skipping a meal? Or two? Or a whole weeks worth? Could you imagine if someone told you they hadn’t eaten in months? I could imagine you would chain them to a chair and force feed them at that point. I almost felt at that point myself. How could I have had enough energy to get anything done. How could I have thought I could do it alone. It’s embarrassing. But for the sake of us all I am saying it. I haven’t eaten in weeks.

Until today.

Today I sat down and looked at the one thing that could fill my heart and soul with much needed nourishment and just smiled, it was time. It was time to dust off the words written down just for me and really partake in what God had for me today. And I have to tell you something, I feel more alive now than I have these past weeks. Sometimes you just need a reminder that you were never created to go so long without your “DAILY bread” (Matthew 6:11) or LIVING water(John 4:10). Sure, your body can survive a while- but do you know what happens to a body that is deprived of the nutrients it needs? It starts to eat itself and the body eventually wastes away and dies. 

Spiritually, emotionally, and mentally we can be wasting away and not even realizing it. But don’t get upset. No need for condemnation or finger pointing. And certainly no need to get HANGRY. Just pull out your Bible, dust it off, ask the Chef to direct you to what He has prepared for you today, and EAT. Whether it’s 5 minutes or 50; you don’t have a good enough reason not to!

Psalm 34:8

“Taste and see that the Lord is good!”

*And if you want a great place to start- try reading the Christmas story!  It is the reason for the season!  MERRY CHRISTMAS from LHOH!!!  

Do you smell that?

By Emily Bansuelo

Do you smell like cat poop? Because sometimes I do. I don't know if you've noticed, but cat poop smells really bad and it even has bacteria that grows on it I think. I had a friend growing up who never cleaned her cats litter box so her room always smelled like cat poop. I think she stopped noticing it after a while, because it never seemed to bother her. It makes me wonder how many cat owners walk around smelling like feces without knowing it, because once you get used to a smell you stop smelling it.  And while I loved my friend dearly, her room really stunk. 

I had an epiphany a couple weeks ago, pertaining to cat poop after I had cleaned my cat's litter box. I wasn't even thinking about cat poop, but about my small group at church and I wanted a good illustration for describing our acceptance in Christ. I'm a junior high pastor so anything pertaining to poop really sticks in middle schooler’s minds, I've noticed, (no gross pun intended... well kinda) and it hit me! It was for sure a God idea, and I felt Him speak to my heart, "I accepted you even when you smelled like this cat poop." WHAT?! 

Amazing, right?! So that Wednesday night I brought in a huge bag of my cats poop. Yep...  I did. I'm willing to do weird things to help my kids remember lessons they hear in church. As I had the cat poop bag passed around the room, by the way, two of the kids ran to the corner and hid. I told them that even in our life when we are at our smelliest God was and is still there. He never stops pursuing us with his love. God is so holy, and yet he loved us in our dirtiest place. And when we accept his love for us, he does the best cleaning job ever. Or you can think of it the way one of my 7th grade girls stated, "God is the best litter box cleaner." 

And this time of year it almost brought me to tears, no not the poop, but the fact that Jesus was born around POOP!!! It must've stunk so badly in that barn. But one VERY brave teenage girl birthed a baby in a dirty place surrounded by dirty animals in a dirty world. He would grow up ready to serve, heal, and love the dirty people around him. He died for you and wants you to accept his gift of eternal unfailing love. It's right there, and it's up to us to realize our foul smelling self and give it up so God can clean us up.

Let’s get real, I’ve been doing a pretty terrible job lately of spending time with my Creator and Savior. I’ve been so focused on the business, and not only that but my mistakes. What in the world do I have to give to God? I don’t have the beautiful treasures as the wise men had, like frankincense and gold… Oh wait there’s myrrh. Ha! I’m not even that great at knitting. I’ve done a pretty great job, however of stinking up my life. I’ve disappointed people, I haven’t been diligent, and I feel like my planner, two calendars and mounting to-do’s are RUNNING MY LIFE!!! I’m practically on my knees right now people… I want to be like that little drummer boy, coming to his king with what he has. I may only have what He’s given me. My life. You know what? I think that’s enough for Him. In fact, it’s all Jesus has asked for.

So this Christmas season when you're thinking about the incredible thing God did by coming to earth as a baby, hopefully I didn't ruin it for you too much and now all you think of is cat poop. But the main point is, through God's infinite power He gave us Himself fully understanding the pain, temptations, hurts and hang ups of this world so we could be fully with him; fully in a relationship with our Creator. He's done His part. He came to us. Traveling through galaxies, stripping off His glory to become fully man, and embrace this world. Now it's up to you, draw near, and allow Him to clean you up. He will. He's there. He's ready. Now it's up to us to realize we may smell a litter... Oops I mean a little. And receive the gift of perfect unfailing love.

Romans 5:6-8 (MSG)

"Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

Give me Justice or give me death!

By Vanessa Shepherd

I love justice.  A casual perusing of my DVR would suggest that I have a strange obsession with it really. Criminal Minds, Chicago PD, Blue Bloods, CSI, Law and Oder, Law and Order Criminal Intent, Law and Order SVU; these are just some of the shows that make up my list.  It is in fact so bad that my first son would be comforted by the beginning “don-don” sound of L&O as an infant when it would start to play.  Because I had in fact watched marathons of the show while figuring out my many crazy emotions as a new mom.  

Michael @ 8 months old

And for this reason- the side of me that would like nothing more than the world to live with all wrongs righted- the phrase “give me justice or give me death” would be a great phrase to go on my coffee cup so I could stare at it as I settle down to watch one of my many favorite shows.

Knowing all of this about me would make it plainly clear, and should be of no surprise, that my heart would start to race while reading of any injustice being done… anywhere.  And this week I ran across such a story.  Actually I ran across a few stories as I am sure so have you, but this one stuck with me.  It was a story about three siblings.  It started out like most dysfunctional family stories but took a dark disturbing turn south… and quick!  You know it isn’t going to end well when a brother starts losing weight because he is in fact infatuated with the beauty of his younger sister. 

The first brother took advice from a friend (let’s just pause to acknowledge the importance of picking friends… SO VERY IMPORTANT… ok, moving on), and decided to trap his sister in his room and have his way with her.  Put down the gun, Vanessa.

As if what happened wasn’t bad enough, but reading on in the story you find that their father was told of the incident and DID NOTHING.  In this particular country rape, a crime punishable by death was not something that could be so easily pushed under the rug.  Rightfully so!!! Infuriated the younger brother plotted against his older brother and put a hit out on his head.  To sum it up, the older brother dies and the younger brother is exiled to live in another country.  Excuse me, what?

Why in the world was he punished for doing exactly what the law demanded to be done?????

If I were to put myself in this story I would be the younger brother.  I would be the one to pick up the injustice done to my sister and see to it that the offender got what he deserved.  I would be furious with those who would only stand by and allow these things to happen.  I would be a voice to the ones who felt they had no voice.  I have no idea whose eyes you chose to read this story through- whether the victim or the vigilante- but I have no loss for your position.  Justice was served and a hero was punished for it. 

I DON’T LIKE IT. It seems cruel and unfair.  It seems cowardly to just sit back and do nothing instead of what was actually done.  To speak when no one would.  To carry out a FAIR sentence for a great injustice done.  Especially when family is concerned… siblings are most definitely OFF LIMITS.  I. Do. Not. Like. It. 

However (and unfortunately) I do not have to like something for it to be right. 

This story found in 2 Samuel 13 paints a troubling picture of justice for me as Absolom (the younger son) is exiled for what I would consider to be “right”.  I cannot grasp it with my head and have been praying for clarity.  Asking God why it was this way… why the right thing was so wrong… and as I waited, fist clenched, He led me to a passage a few chapters after.

2 Samuel 15:2-4 ^“Now Absalom would rise early and stand beside the way to the gate. So it was, whenever anyone who had a lawsuit came to the king for a decision, that Absalom would call to him and say, ‘What city are you from?’ And he would say, ‘Your servant is from such and such a tribe of Israel.’ Then Absalom would say to him, ‘Look, your case is good and right; but there is no deputy of the king to hear you.’ Moreover Absalom would say, ‘Oh, that I were made judge in the land, and everyone who has any suit or cause would come to me; then I would give him justice.’”

Here’s what we can gather from these verses.  Absalom stationed himself in the path of those seeking the king for justice and would tell them that he would fight on their behalf, seeing as the king had no time for them.  Naturally people fell in love with him.  He would fight for them!  He would give them justice!  BUT HE WAS NOT THE KING.  HE WAS NOT THE JUDGE.  What he was doing was not pursuing righteousness but instead taking matters into his own hands and acting out for the victim in vengeance.  It was not his place.  It was not his right.  It was revenge, not justice and that is why it was wrong!

This has brought on a lot of reflection for me. 

Have I been trying to take place of the King?  Have I stopped people short of their reliance on God in a need to “fix” their situation?  Have I allowed others to get in my way and prevent me from truly seeking resolution in Him?  Has my need for justice and others to be held accountable for wrongs done to me clouded my judgment of my place? 

I may have.  I might have.  I have.

I have wanted people to pay for the hurt they’ve caused and have made my case known to a few on my way to my “prayer closet”.  I have been so infuriated that despite my best efforts of doing right, I was still being wronged, and would let my offense fester unresolved inside of me calling my emotions justified, and have allowed them to stay far beyond their welcome.  I have harbored discontent toward others who have wronged a family member or friend and called the downfall of their life justice, when in reality it was only sugar-coated hatred. 

I have been guilty of my fair share of wrongs that on the outside seem quite right.  For this, for all of this, I am truly sorry.  It is not my place.  It is not my right.

I still love justice… that much has not changed… but my deciding what that is, and who should get it has.  So despite the offenses that may rise, may my heart and motives be kept pure.  May I learn how to protest (in word and action) injustices that are done without shrinking to the belief that I myself can take the place of judge or jury.  That my opinions of what justice would look like would be silenced by the greater truth that I am no less a sinner than any other who is in dyer need of mercy.  May I not replace the person with their actions and see others as He sees them.  Let justice lie with the judge and “let he who is without sin, cast the first stone” (John 8:7).  

And if God leads you to fight against any injustice (of which there will never be a shortage of)... fight the issue and not the person (or people group). "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood" (Ephesians 6:12)!

Ephesians 2:1-6 MSG

It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.

Ephesians 2:4-5 AMP

But God—so rich is He in His mercy! Because of and in order to satisfy the great and wonderful and intense love with which He loved us, even when we were dead (slain) by [our own] shortcomings and trespasses, He made us alive together in fellowship and in union with Christ; [He gave us the very life of Christ Himself, the same new life with which He quickened Him, for] it is by grace (His favor and mercy which you did not deserve) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation).

That Time An Old Dominican Man Changed My Life

Christmas has arrived at my home. The lights have been hung inside and out. I strung popcorn, watched movies, and even searched the Netflix database for all movies pertaining to Christmas. The holidays are in full swing!!! It makes me so excited to think about the traditions of Christmas past, present and the traditions I am thrilled to start in the future. It’ll be wonderful when I have a house full of littles running around, screaming Jingle Bells at the tops of their lungs. And then throwing up massive amounts of Christmas cookies and hot cocoa. That’s going to be amazing! (Then all the mothers who are reading this rolled their eyes and said, “Yea right, just wait.”)

But since I am way off before any of that is going to happen, I had an epiphany. An epiphany that takes place every once in a while when I begin thinking, hoping, or worrying of things to come. It’s a phrase that an old Dominican man, whose name is Francisco, told me while I was on a mission’s trip. “Today is the best day of your life.” I remember thinking, cool story bro, but there’s too much going on upstairs for me to stop thinking so much. He continued on, “Yesterday is gone, all the mistakes, all the emotions, all the failures. Tomorrow hasn’t even happened yet. So why worry?! Allow tomorrow to worry about itself. TODAY! TODAY IS YOUR BEST DAY!!” It literally blew my mind! I have spent so much time either in the past or in the future. The Bible is so clear with us that we are only guaranteed today. Right now. This moment. We are living with borrowed breath. Every day is a gift that God allows us to live. I’ve wasted a lot of time focusing on false hopes, silly regrets and worrying myself into the ground.

By Emily Bansuelo

That little old man with the white crazy hair changed my life. That day I decided that it would be the best day of my freaking life!!! I ventured where Emily would never have gone before. I went cliff jumping!

That's Me!

And it may sound great, but the water was really dirty, seriously, there were diapers floating by as I surfaced from the deep. BUT IT WAS AMAZING! While eating dinner in a Dominican family’s home later that night, they offered me the chicken’s foot. (A delicacy, by the way, and an honor to be offered it as a guest.)

The Chicken's Feet

So the girl with a giant gag reflex proceeded to place the slimy, warm foot into her mouth. Sure enough, it tasted like chicken and slid down like Jello, but for some reason a little crunchy at times.

SO… back to the point at hand with Christmas time being here. I realized that so many traditions I want to begin later on in life, either with kids or friends, I can start right now. For instance, on Christmas morning, before opening gifts, my family (my husband and I) will read letters of thankfulness before indulging in presents. On Christmas Eve, we’ll be having friends over who don’t have family to decorate a big tree with or make Christmas cookies with, or laugh and cry at classic Christmas movies. We will stay up all night celebrating the birth of Jesus with a birthday cake.

Now is not a time for me to hope and wish for things to come or regret for the colossal mistakes I’ve made in the past, I will live for today, because today is the best day of my life. It’s all I have. Now how will you live your life? Will your thoughts be filled with false hopes, wishes for tomorrow, and missing yesterday. Allow me to encourage you…

“Today is the best day of your life. Yesterday is gone, all the mistakes, all the emotions, all the failures. Tomorrow hasn’t even happened yet. So why worry?! Allow tomorrow to worry about itself. TODAY! TODAY IS YOUR BEST DAY!!”

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's troubles are enough for today."

-Matthew 6:34-

My Struggle with Social Anxiety

By Vanessa Shepherd

My struggle with social anxiety can be summed up in one word.
Irony.

Like when putting up a sign for safety.... unsafely.

Or when writing "nothing is written in stone"... in stone.

Or when building a statue for freedom... and then putting it in a cage.

Or when driving a "where the news hits home" truck... and hitting a home.

Irony.  It can be the best thing and the worst thing all at the same time.  Irony is, well, ironic. I have been on both sides of the irony crazy train.  I have caught myself hysterically laughing when a person attempts correcting someone else's grammar by making an even more terrible grammatical offense.  You know that's funny.  Or laughing at how irrational my own personal thoughts can get when I have to travel through darkness to turn off a light I have forgotten about, so I can be in complete darkness before going to bed.  

But you see my struggle with social anxiety is ironic, too.  I am called to lead and help a group of people all the while being afraid of large groups of people.  Ironic isn't it?  And it started long before I knew large groups would ever be in the picture. I embraced my social awkwardness at a young age striving to the be the best at my academics only to find that my eighth grade self won valedictorian to not only accept an award on a stage facing hundreds of students and parents, but speaking to them as well.  Here's the best part.  Public Speaking 101: Eye contact... you must keep eye contact with the crowd.   And Social Anxiety... yea no... large crowds plus eye contact equals lack of air in my lungs.  And that's a math equation you can bet on every time!

Every time we host a girls conference, or throw an event, irony hits me.  The constant battle within me to dream grand dreams and crawl in a hole.  I think God must have gotten it wrong.  I can't do any of the things in my heart because I am not strong enough.  My knees shake, my lungs close, and my head gets cloudy.  I don't know how I can stand in front of a crowd, much less be clear minded enough to speak to them.  You had it wrong, God.  I am not the one.  

I believed this for awhile.  That I couldn't be both the leader and the sufferer.  It was my kryptonite, the thing that would keep me from doing anything great, and then I heard something that changed it all.  After making a huge life change- being a stay at home mom after the birth of our first son- I had started watching Joyce Meyers.  I can almost feel your eyes roll because no one under thirty watched tele-evangelists.  I can certainly say that I am not the type to watch preachers on TV, it's nothing against them I would just prefer to go to a service, but in this season of life I found myself watching every day.  One afternoon she said something that set my anxiety ridden heart free.

"If you are always going to be scared, then just learn how to do it... scared."

It isn't the message many will proclaim.  They will tell you to pray yourself out of it, to "just stop" being anxious.  They will look at you as if you were one without faith if you dare confess that you struggle with social anxiety.  But here's the thing, you can't just GET OVER IT.  Some days I triumph over my anxious feelings and some days I LIVE DESPITE THEM. And you know something else, I am not alone!  David was depressed, Elijah was suicidal, Gideon was afraid, and Moses stuttered.  The only difference between them and the rest of the depressed, suicidal, afraid, stutterers was that they allowed God to use them DESPITE their problems.  

If you are going to be afraid, anxious, embarrassed, or depressed- then learn how to live life with all of those emotions anyway.  Because if you allow any of those emotions to cause you to stop living then evil has truly done what it had set out to do, and the impact that you were created to make on this world will never happen.  So you made a mistake and might be embarrassed being around anyone who knows, go live life anyway.  So you haven't crawled out of your bed of depression and the only comforter you've known is the one on top of your sheets, get up anyway.  So you haven't gone to the grocery store in days because you are putting off the inevitable tantrum that your almost three year old albino terrorist will throw... oh wait, that is probably just me... Vanessa, go to the grocery store anyways!

No more should we allow ourselves to be chained to the emotions that have been our constant companions... I may never fully be rid of my social anxiety, and God may heal me fully tomorrow, but whatever the case I will do it (whatever He is asking me to do) anyway. So be brave, dear girls, and full of courage.  Live life anyway!

Exodus 4:10-12 

"And Moses said to the Lord, O Lord, I am not eloquent or a man of words, 

neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech 

and have a heavy and awkward tongue. So the Lord said to him, 

“Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, 

or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, 

and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.” 

Psalm 116:9-11 MSG 

"I’m striding in the presence of God, alive in the land of the living! 

I stayed faithful, though bedeviled, and despite a ton of bad luck, 

Despite giving up on the human race, saying, “They’re all liars and cheats.” 

My Greatest Adversary

By Emily Bansuelo

I wanted to write this blog about the recent shocking reveal of my beloved Renee Zellweger. She is one of my favorite actresses, so when I was watching Entertainment Tonight and saw a picture of a random woman who they said was Renee, I literally could not believe it. I was ready to write about how as a young woman I can point out my own flaws, so I can’t even imagine how the pressures of Hollywood could bring someone to make face altering decisions. I was ready to write passionately about how horrible of an example our culture is setting for us. How could Renee do such a thing?How can they do this to us? I was ready to make the point that we should be confident in how we were made in our Creator’s image rather than investing our college funds or going into crazy debt to get the face, butt, tummy, or boobs we want. (Insert deep breath here) We should fight the system of plastic surgeries! FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!! (Now picture me jumping on my kitchen table) How can people do such horrible things?  I am fired up! And my blood is pumping. Then…. Something happened…

I heard my husband reading Matthew 7 in the other room, and this feeling of sweet conviction began gripping my heart. Jesus said with such passion in verses 1-5,

“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.”

There are so many more stories that have been making their way round the tabloids. Stories that are disgusting to us church people. I have found that I am so good at criticism. In my opinion, it’s one of our greatest adversaries in Christianity. Oswald Chambers defines it best, “Criticism serves to make you harsh, vindictive, and cruel, and leaves you with the soothing and flattering idea that you are somehow superior to others.” The problem with this mind set is that if I keep looking at specks and smudges on other people’s faces when I have completely ignored the big muddy mess on my face. Worst yet, every wrong thing I’m finding in Renee Zellweger, Justin Bieber, Brittany Maynard, Hollywood; the Holy Spirit is finding in me. And that my friends, brings me to my knees. Where do I get off finding myself superior to others because they aren’t as righteous as I? Good one, Em.

SO now what? The Holy Spirit has focused my attention on Psalm 103. I remember how my life was once stuck in a pit of destruction, but how He “redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with love and compassion.” I remember that “the Lord works righteousness and justice for ALL the oppressed.” I remember that He is “compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” And that doesn’t just reach me. It far surpasses myself, and it even goes further than those I have criticized. I am so thankful that God is greater than my critical attitude. His love and hope for the broken goes beyond my small mind.

Criticism has become an “ordinary activity” for the modern Christian. We need to be reminded that nothing good comes from it. We must heed the words of the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 4 to not allow any unwholesome talk come from our mouths. Moreover, to think on what is lovely and pure (Philippians 4:8) So I conclude with another quote from Oswald Chambers and it brings so much wisdom, “The Holy Spirit is the only one in the proper position to criticize, and He alone is able to show what is wrong without hurting and wounding.” God is so good.  

All you need is a little GTL

By Vanessa Shepherd

After months of planning and a few days of non-stop prepping, I was on my way to what I knew would be an incredible party with friends.  I had thrown my fair share of showers before (seriously… a ton) but this one was different because it was MINE!  Knowing that most of my friends still resided in Roseville, where I had spent the majority of my life until having moved an hour away the year prior, I was sure to see many faces that I missed dearly.  Faces of the people I had shared many great memories and laughs with.  Faces of the people that I had led and even served alongside in ministry that had become a great deal to mine and my family’s life.  Faces of the people who would jump at the opportunity to celebrate with me that we were expecting our second child.  I was so very excited to see those faces!

I pulled up to my mother’s house and began to unload the mass amount of ingredients, game supplies, prizes, and anything else I could fit in from my car.  It wasn’t an ideal situation but I hadn’t wanted to put anyone out therefore deciding that throwing it myself would be easiest for those unable to travel… an hour… to the shower that would be thrown for me in Stockton.  I made homemade caramel popcorn, set up the living room, hung the decorations and waited as my friends would show.  I had sent out over thirty invites, possibly even closer to forty, and now I waited… and waited… and waited.

Four.  That’s how many people showed up.  Four. 

I knew asking them to drive an hour would be a stretch but driving ten minutes across town, I never imagined that it would also be too much to ask for.  I left that night feeling the loneliest I had in years.  And that one hour drive home felt like an eternity as I stared into the darkness, tears rolling down my face.

It wasn’t a new feeling for me, being alone. No one showed up for my senior band night.  No one showed up for my senior awards night.  I had no one show up so many times in life and although there were four of us there, it felt the same.  It felt like no one wanted to show up. I wasn’t worth an evening, or an afternoon, or an hour, or even a ten minute drive.  I wasn’t worth it.

As I pulled up to my house, knowing that Rich was expectantly waiting to hear every detail inside, something I never expected to- happened.  The pastor’s wife that we had served under for five years in Roseville called me.  We had only had a handful of conversations up until that point and it came at a real surprise to look down and see her number on my phone. I tried my best to pull myself together- to fake that I was strong enough, that I wasn’t bothered- and then I answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi Vanessa.  Tiffany came home and told me how upset she was that only a few people showed up today.” 

“Yea, it was a hard day.”

“Well I just want you to know that sometimes because of your position in ministry; people think that everyone will show up so no one does.”

I sat in the garage for a long time as she talked with me about how many times throughout the years she had experienced similar things, that people simply wouldn’t think their “showing up” would be missed. Because you are in ministry, because you are a pastor, it’s thought that you don’t need them as much.  That no matter how much you give and are “there” for others, sometimes you will still find yourself sitting in a barren room wondering why you aren’t worth it.

You may not have had the exact same experience as I had that day, but I can guarantee that you have at one time or another felt the same way I had.  Maybe you stumbled upon some pictures of a party you were never invited to.  Or overheard some friends still laughing at the inside jokes from the weekend you weren’t a part of.  Or looked into the stands at a sporting event you were playing in to find no one had showed up to cheer you on.  It is a terrible feeling. 

Sitting in that empty room it wasn’t some grand gesture that I so desperately wanted; but someone to share in my happiness, to get excited with me, to laugh about the crazy things that would undoubtedly lie ahead. I wanted someone to understand that just “being there” was not only enough, but exactly what I needed. Instead, I was alone… invisible.  So what do you do when you feel invisible to the world?  Here’s a hint… GTL. (And not the GTL you may be thinking of, but the kind that actually changes things.) 

1. Guard Your Heart   (Proverbs 4:23)

…which can pretty much be the first point of any answer… for any topic.  Yes.  It is THAT important.

By guarding your heart you are making a mindful attempt to allow and/or not allow thoughts to become beliefs.  Trust me in this, Disney has it all wrong, DO NOT (under any circumstance) follow your heart.  It is a fickle organ that is “deceitfully wicked” at times!  And while we are on the “do not’s”, here are a few more…  DO NOT focus on the completely irrational thoughts that creep in while you are most vulnerable.  DO NOT allow bitterness or anger to change your thoughts toward any person for any reason.  And absolutely DO NOT take it personal.  It wasn’t a deliberate statement, about you or your worth, it was simply an assumption.  A terribly false assumption.  However, the real injustice is not how they assumed that showing up wouldn’t matter but how you translated it to mean that you didn’t.

2. Talk About It   (Matthew 18:15)

…not to just anyone, but to the person who caused you pain in the first place.  Conversations with anyone else (unless seeking advice) would be nothing more than gossip.

Most friend-splitting arguments are started well before any words are exchanged or even spoken.  An incident happens, an offense is made, and we decide to push it under the rug until the overly stuffed rug is too massive to ignore. Then BAM… huge argument leads to an end to the friendship you held onto so dearly for years.  Instead of refusing to confront the hard issues, afraid of what they will think if you, in fact, were affected by their actions, make the decision that your friendship is worth more than pretending those situations don’t hurt.

3. Love By Example  (Proverbs 10:12)

…which is exactly what Jesus did.  No need to search for hours in the scripture, it is that simple.  Just love.

There have been many times in life where I would receive an invitation and without skipping a beat think to myself, “well they didn’t show up to my party, why should I go to theirs? They wouldn’t even know if I showed up.”  And the truth is, yes, you may be just another face in a very large crowd. Yes, you may even go unnoticed for an entire evening.  And yes, you may find it a total bore or complete waste of your time.  But what if no one showed up?  What if your face was the difference between someone feeling completely invisible or finally seen?  What if that one day was in fact the most important day?  What if we loved like Jesus commanded us to, not repaying evil for evil but chose instead to rise above and do the right thing?  What if?  Would it have made the difference if they were the ones deciding to show up for you?

Some days we will be overlooked, taken advantage of, and underappreciated.  Some days we will feel two inches tall.  And while I am not suggesting that you allow people to walk all over you, I am suggesting that you stop allowing their actions to destroy your security.  You ARE worth it.  Your worth is not found in the words or actions of others. It was already decided upon by the one action of God sacrificing His Son when He looked at you and declared you to be “worth it”. End of story. And as far as what happened after that baby shower… well, I learned to appreciate when friends would make the time to drive out to see us, and not let it affect me so much when they didn’t.  Not to say I have perfected it, but I don’t want to punch anyone when I see them weeks later… so I’d say that’s progress.

1 Thessalonians 5:15

See that none of you repays another with evil for evil, but always aim to show kindness and seek to do good to one another and to everybody.

PS My friend Tiffany was not only one of the four who showed up to that baby shower in Roseville, but also took the time to drove to the shower in Stockton a month later. We have kept in contact all this time even with our move to Central Cal and hers to Oregon; our friendship has spanned almost ten years now, which is the longest I have had the privilege of calling someone “friend”.  True story.  She is the perfect example of just “being there”, and has been to many events when few others showed up.  She is a gentle reminder for me of God’s goodness in our pain and I cherish her deeply.  

3 Step Antidote To The Scariest Things On The Planet

By Emily Bansuelo

 

Tis the season to be scared. I’m sure we could all share our scariest Halloween moments. The creepy neighbor down the street, who we all thought did experiments on cats. Or perhaps the scary woods that your friends dared you to walk through. I grew up with shows that freaked me out, “Goosebumps” and “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” I was never allowed to watch them, but come on, you know you all snuck around your parents to get freaked out of your mind. Now we have movies that I’m sure I would pee my pants watching. Growing up, being scared was a game, it was taken lightly. But in our world right now there’s a whole new way of getting scared. And we can’t take it lightly anymore.

There are phobias for practically everything. Everyone seems to be afraid of something. We have so many fears that are running around wildly in this generation, having their way with us. We have become people of worry and fear. All of a sudden a sickness that a few weeks ago few of us even knew existed is the most talked about sickness in the US; Ebola. I watched people around me talk about how we should start wearing masks, and shut down the airlines because the risk of us all contracting this disease. Allow me to give you a statistic, you have 1 in 13.3 million chance of contracting Ebola in the US. You have 1 in 2 million chance of falling out of your bed and dying. We have fed into the hysteria of what the world tells us rather than feeding into the peace God so readily has available to us. Yes, right now there is an epidemic of Ebola, in West Africa. But here in the United States, there is an epidemic of fear. And I have the antidote.

1.       Perfect love. 1 John 4:18

God has not given us a spirit of fear but a sound mind. If God isn’t giving us fear than who is? We have the choice to receive whatever is being given to us. The enemy is dishing out fear in bucket fulls and we are eating it right up. It’s time we spit out that cold dish, and dine on some perfect love instead. Because this dish, this love, has the ability to drive out all fear. So how do we experience perfect love? By loving each other. When we do this, God lives in us. And we are perfectly in Him. How unstoppable, how powerful we become when we begin living with perfect love.

2.       Listen to wisdom. Proverbs 1:33

When we listen to wisdom, we will live in peace and remain untroubled by fear of harm. Wisdom can come in many shapes and sizes. But the best place I’ve found wisdom is smack dab in the Word of God. I’ve said this before but it bears repeating, read a Proverb a day to begin. James even tells us that if we need wisdom, to ask for it and our generous God will give it to us! (James 1:5)

3.       Fear God... not man. Hebrews 13:6

This is the most important fear antidote I can give you. And it may sound a bit ironic. But when we fear God first, we will have nothing else to fear. Many have misunderstood and forgotten what it is like to “fear God”. We think it’s all about just having an awe and respect for Him and while that is in fact part of it, it goes much further than that. Whenever someone encounters God, their reaction is literal and utter fear. Isaiah had a vision of heaven, John saw Jesus after his resurrection, Mary encountered the angel of the Lord, and after they are stricken with fear but almost immediately all of them are told, “Do not fear”.  It’s this crazy concept that when we learn to fear God, we don’t have to fear anything else.

The truth of the matter is that by fearing something we are unknowingly empowering it.  When we fear spiders we walk around them no matter how far off course it takes us.  When we fear people we become anxious around them, our minds consumed with completely irrational and terrifying ideas of what may happen.  When we fear the future we lose sleep and sometimes even our appetites trying to think of ways to change or even fix it.  Whenever we fear something we change our behaviors, our attitudes, and our direction- but that is the beauty of it.  When we fear the right thing- God- we are given a new behavior, a new attitude, and a new direction.  So go ahead and fear.  Just fear the right thing.  Because what you choose will be the difference between living in bondage or in freedom.

 

 

1 John 4:18

"There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love."

What do you DO, when you CAN’T DO anything?

By Mikayla Moore

I have found that one of the toughest things to go through is not our own hard times, but watching others go through theirs. With me personally I’ve watched some of my closest friends and family, people I’ve known forever, go through things that they should’ve never gone through. I have felt so helpless. What could I, a fifteen year old girl, do to help my friend whose mom and dad are getting a divorce? How can I possibly help my friend who lives all the way across the country who cuts herself? We helplessly watch as our loved ones lives are falling apart. What can we do? It’s like when we hear there’s a hurricane in Florida. We watch the news as people’s houses are torn apart uprooting their sense of security along with their lives, but that’s all we can do-watch.

 

We may feel helpless but there are only two very powerful things we can do, and even though it doesn’t seem like much, they make ALL the difference.

 

The first thing we do is PRAY.

 

I know personally when bad things happen to the people I love most, prayer is the last thing that I want to do. Not because I don’t believe it will work, but because it seems like there are no instant results. All we want to see is results, and we want to see them fast. But a prayer, a single faith filled prayer, can make all the difference. Recently some of my family was really going through it. But they live across the country so how could I help? What could I do to get them out of it? I realized very quickly that sitting around talking about it to people, and crying for them, although it feels good sometimes, literally helps nothing. So I began to pray. Every time I thought about them, I prayed for them. I felt like it wasn’t accomplishing anything at first, but then I watched as God’s plan began to clearly unravel in their lives. It wasn’t like, they woke up one day and everything was perfect, all sunshine and rainbows. That was not the case at all. It was one step at a time; it was a very long and complicated road. And although they didn’t understand it while they went through it, now that they’re coming through the other side of their struggle they realize that each obstacle was a part of God’s plan to get them where they are today.

 

The other thing that is essential to helping others get through their storm is simply letting them know you’re HERE for them.  

 

I have a really good friend who I’ve known pretty much since birth. She is literally like my sister, and I don’t think we’ve ever gotten into a fight. That is why it really took a toll on me when I found out she was cutting herself. I wanted to fight the battle for her, to tell her to stop; I wanted to pull out my tool box and just fix all the broken parts of her life, to heal all her hurts. But, of course I couldn’t. All I could do was tell her that I was there for her. I pulled her aside one day and told her that I saw what she was doing and it scared me because I loved her. I told her that I didn’t know what she was going through or how she felt because I honestly didn’t. I also told her that I do not think any less of her, and that I would love to help her through it. Of course I was sure to tell her that she doesn’t have to harm herself anymore, that she never did. She thanked me, and said that it felt so good to have someone who actually cares about her. After that I started seeing improvements. I’m obviously not saying that I was the key to her stopping. I’m saying that knowing someone was there for her, was a key factor of it.

 

We can’t fight their battles for them and fix every broken part of their lives. But even when hurricanes destroy entire cities, they always get rebuilt. One brick at a time. One day at a time.  We feel so helpless when our loved ones are going through things that no one deserves and even though it feels like we’re accomplishing nothing- every prayer and every conversation are bricks that will eventually help to rebuild their lives.

 

 

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

^"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."