Diary of a Wimpy Chick Pt. 1

By Emily Bansuelo

Recently I came across the crown jewel of all crown jewels… Wait for iiiitt!!! My 8^th grade diary… I know right? Back in the day the super cool Christian band “Point of Grace” came out with an amazing study Bible, devotional, and journal. Which, may I add every girl wanted at the time, including me! Ok, maybe just me… But for my birthday my mom surprised me with the trio, and I began religiously writing in this journal all my hopes and dreams. And now 11 years later, I look back and memories begin flooding into my brain. As I read, I laughed, paused in memory of friendships passed, but mostly cringed at how much of a weirdo I was! (Haha) But seriously, allow me to explain in this 4 part blog titled: Diary of a Wimpy Chick. (See what did there?)

After I finished reading the stories of old, I couldn’t help but first call my mom and laugh at all the silliness she lived through during my pre-teen years. So allow me to give major props to all those moms out there of pre-teen girls who are living in the trenches of broken hearts, espionage and schizophrenic friendships. You are the true heroes of your daughters, and they may not know it yet, but someday they will!

Then, I realized I wish I could go back to that awkward, late bloomer, quirky self and give her a Dr. Pepper, and some advice that may have saved her some heartache. I know that without heartache there are no lessons learned, BUT I will give a few key points of advice that I CAN pass along to YOU. You being the mom who doesn’t know what to tell her sobbing daughter when she doesn’t know how to go on in life, the youth pastor with the room full of girls who are sobbing together because for some reason when you get one girl crying THEY ALL CRY! Lastly, YOU could be that girl who just needs a good laugh at the ridiculous things I went through. Hopefully you can learn from me. So here goes nothing…

     1. I wish I knew that extreme obsession over a boy wasn’t EVER a good idea.

**To protect the identity of all parties involved, I will now use aliases for all people mentioned hereon in the journal stated above.**

I was in 8^th grade during the time of these writings, and the boy I like was in HIGH SCHOOL. So most people would think a wimpy 8^th grader wouldn’t have a shot with a 10th grader, but I WAS CONVINCED THIS RELATIONSHIP WAS POSSIBLE! (Quick precursor- I went to a very small school, so the middle and high schoolers saw each other frequently during the middle of the day, which is how my obsession began.)

February 2, 2004

                Dear Diary,

                                …I think I’ve started liking him ever since he talked to me. He said “My feet are cold” I know that’s lame but he didn’t have to say it, but he did say it to me…  {Love is so real, especially when someone expresses their foot temperature to you}

February 3

                Dear Diary,

                                I found out that ‘he who must not be named’  isn’t going out with anyone, I’m so happy. OK that sounds lame, but it’s a better chance for me. And I saw him in the hall today. {It’s the simple things in life, right?}

February 4

                Dear Diary,

                                I knew he would be there. And he was… I looked like such a dork standing there. But the weird thing was he went and stood on the bottom of the stairs. Then today he was looking at ME! It’s a sign I tell you. {It wasn’t a sign little Em… It wasn’t a sign}

February 5

                Dear Diary,

                                HE was at the game tonight. I served him 2 hot dogs. He has a big appetite so if we get married then I can cook a lot for him. {Ok, so this is the beginning of stalker mode kicking in. Jesus help me… SMH}

Big jump in time now, allow me to fill it in for you, basically every day I just mentioned how “HOTT!” he was. Yes I spelled hot with two T’s. Oh jeez… I also talked about how amazing of an athlete he is, etc.

February 17

                Dear Diary,

                                Had a good day, saw ‘you know who’ today. I now know his 1^st, 2^nd, and 3^rd hour classes for school. I think I’m paranoid. {NOOO!!! Really??? I was that chick? And in case you were wondering, yes. I did have braces.}

Ok ladies and hopefully not too many gents, I have just humbled myself to all the internet, I hope you all received a few laughs. The entirety of this relationship, which mostly happened in my dreams, was about 20 days. That’s right just shy of 3 weeks. And to say I was obsessed is an understatement. So this blog may not be spiritually deep, but I will tack this on the end here…

Moms, love your daughters through the obsessions, and “reason” is a word that… well… absolutely ceases to exist from the dictionary of their brains. Youth pastors, it’s only a season. They will be able to focus again, one day, on the beauty of the Old Testament study you have worked tirelessly on. Hopefully…

And to all my sisters out there who are in the middle of the obsession, you are amazingly amazing. You are beautiful. You are good enough. If you are pining over the hilarious Chris Pine, or a manly man from One Direction, or maybe he’s the boy sitting kitty corner from you in English. Even if he never knows you have memorized many of his favorite things or secretly placed those cookies inside his locker because you have memorized his locker combination… {Awkward side glance} God has created you for the perfect man, and someday if you are patient, you’ll be sitting beside the man of your dreams just like I am now.

**Stay tuned for part 2 in the series of Diary of a Wimpy Chick as Emily will tackle schizophrenic friendships**

                Dear Diary,

                                …I found out that ‘you know who’ had her period last year!!! She didn’t even tell us. I am so mad. That’s just one more thing she has beat me at…

From left to right: Emily B, Tessa, and myself
 rocking some amazing flowy denim.
Who knew something like that existed... 

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord established their steps." 

--Proverbs 16:9--

By His Wounds

By Alison Vidal

I have 4 tattoos and all of them have meaning to me, but on my right arm is the one that holds the most significance. It says "By His wounds I am healed" which comes from 1 Peter 2:24. In the Amplified version it says "He personally bore our sins in His own body on the tree as on an altar and offered Himself on it, that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed." 

The reason this tattoo is so significant to me is because it's proclaiming the fact that I've been healed by the scars of Jesus over the scars that I gave to myself. Every day I have a beautiful reminder of the fact that I am so completely loved that someone would die for my healing. Sometimes I just stare at that tattoo and revel in how amazing that fact is and how incredible the change in me is because of Jesus. 

Other times however, and I know I'm not alone in this, I somehow forget that I've been changed. I forget about the healing and cleansing that's taken place and I feel like all of my sins and pains are tattooed all over me instead of those beautiful words. Certain things in life happen, or we stumble and mess up and we start to think "There's no way". We think, "God couldn't possibly love me", "My past is so dark, so dirty, so full of pain", "I'm not capable of changing", "I am so weak", and we write these things all over our hearts and minds. I have one word for those thoughts: NO. 

God is so in love with you. He has been pursuing you since before you were even born. Before you were even starting to form in your mother's womb God knew your whole life. What mistakes you would make, what successes you would have, the trials, the pain, and ALL of the sins that would take place in your life. And guess what? He created you anyways. More than that, He sent his son to DIE for you. That is a love we can't even try to comprehend. 

One of my favorite passages in the bible is Romans 8:37-39. It says "No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Just think about that for a moment. NOTHING in all creation will ever be able to separate you from His love. 

Nothing you've done, nothing that has been done to you will EVER make Him love you any less. I wanted to write about this today because I know how hard it is to move on from your past, and I know how easy it is to let the enemy put thoughts into your head that will remind you of it and try to break you down. 

Satan is always going to try to make us weak, but I'm beginning to see that as a victory for us. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says "Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." How incredible is that? Satan makes it his goal to try and weaken and break us, but it says in that verse Jesus' power works BEST in our weakness. When we are at our weakest , Jesus is at his strongest. He has done and will continue to do what we couldn't on our own, and He loves us in a way we will never be able to love ourself. 

I love tattoos and I like I said I have 4, so I tend to think about them a lot. If you had to take the most prevalent thoughts in your mind and write them on yourself what would it look like? Would you be covered in love, grace, and beautiful things or would you have to cover yourself in things that would only bring you painful reminders? Jesus took our place so that we wouldn't have to be trapped in shame and sin, so why would you want to keep living that way? Every time you have a thought, think about what your "thought tattooed body" would look like. If you don't think your mind is full of things that would decorate it beautifully, tell it no and get the enemy out of there. Each day my prayer is that you will wake up and remember what I get to see on my arm every day: that by HIS wounds you are healed, and that will never go away.

- "God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I’m alert to God’s ways; I don’t take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes." Psalm 18:20-24 (MSG)

- "For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]." Philippians 4:8 (AMP)

-"But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed." Isaiah 53:5 (NLT)

- "The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying “I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV)

- "The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 (AMP)

Leftovers are the Bestovers

By Haley Waters

John 6:12 "Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted."

This was right after Jesus had fed the five thousand with five loaves and two fish. The Scriptures say that all the people had enough, and still there was some left. So why did Jesus instruct His disciples to gather it? Why didn't He want any of it to go to waste? Maybe a to-go snack for their next journey? Doggie-bags for everyone who came that day? Why did Jesus save the leftovers?

Because He is awesome. (12 extra baskets full of bread--He knows what's up)

Jesus loves leftovers--just like me!

I don't know if I would call it an obssession, but I do enjoy leftovers. Maybe because growing up, in a small family of four, we had leftovers most nights. Which meant we got to enjoy them the next day: to take to school (I went to a small private school with access to a microwave...score), and often to enjoy the next night for dinner, again.

Now, I look forward to leftovers. Especially if it's something good, like Chinese or Italian. Except pizza--I'd rather eat cold pizza then reheat it. Something about re-warmed pizza just isn't right.

I will even go so far as to save more of my food at a restaurant because I know I am going to take it home and eat it the next day. So maybe I am a little obsessive-compulsive...but I LOVE leftovers!

And I'm glad Jesus does too.

I believe Jesus saved the leftovers that day not because he was going to sell them in the market place as a 'take-home miracle,' or because He really wanted some for lunch the next day, but because

                                        Jesus doesn't let anything go to waste

1 Corinthians 15:58 says, "Therefore my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

Nothing that you do for the Lord is in vain. There are a few specifications that can be made (if you punch someone and say "Lord that was for you!" that one probably doesn't count), but so often we are moved by what we are not, what we don't have, what we can't do...and God says, "I can even use your leftovers! Nothing is wasted!"

Now, just because He'll use our leftovers doesn't mean He deserves them when that's all we have. Those last 5 minutes at the end of the day when you realize you haven't talked to Him at all; those half-hearted prayers you throw up to Him right before a test you haven't studied for or an interview you haven't prepared for; in those times God deserves our best the first time around.

But what I love about God's grace, is that He can use anything. When I feel inadequate, when I feel insecure, when I'm afraid to give God the seemingly insignificant parts of me, He says:

                           "I want that. Gather that, and let nothing be wasted." 

That talent that you hide because you think it isn't good enough, that classmate or coworker that you walk by every day without sharing the love of Christ with because you think they won't listen anyway, the way you walk out the door without telling your parents, siblings, or kids that you love them because you think they should know...those things are not insignificant! What you have inside you because God placed there is NOT insignificant!

I know it's hard (HELLO, I am preaching to the choir...me, I'm the choir), I have been in all of these situations and most of the time it is easier to leave your leftovers in the fridge for a week and then throw them when it is too late and they are expired. But imagine what GOD can do with them if you will only relinquish them into His hands. (Yes, your two day-old lasagna in a stained tupperware container that doesn't look appetizing anymore)

Think about the transformation of Saul into Paul. You know His friends never thought THAT guy would do anything great for God. Yet his is a story of amazing redemption and grace. He had plenty of excuses why God couldn't use Him, or why He shouldn't, but once he surrendered control, he was a force to be reckoned with.

You know why I love leftovers, besides the fact that I get a great meal twice? Because they're fast. It's simple and easy: you put it in the microwave, get it, and go.

The Gospel is simple. Our relationship with Christ is simple.

If we will just share the Good News, tell people what Christ has done for us, spend time with Him, read His Words, talk to Him, praise Him, thank Him...let Him use what we see as "leftovers," our day-to-day lives could be so much more effective, and simple.

Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for NOTHING, but in everything, through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."

Each of the parts of this verse need the other, it teaches the proper way to communicate with God. Don't worry! About anything! But in everything, by praying and humbly begging, not forgetting to give thanks, ASK God.

Ask Him what parts you're hiding, what areas of your life need to be simplified, what things He wants to use that you've been holding onto to.

Let God use your "leftovers," and nothing will go to waste.

Why I Hate Lunch

By Vanessa Shepherd

Yes hate is a strong word. And yes I know we aren’t supposed to use it. But I like to imagine myself as being a person who talks with intention, on purpose, full of honesty, and saying I hate lunch, well I can assure you that I mean it, every bit of it and in every sense of the word. Because I can. Because lunch isn’t a person, and it doesn’t have feelings- and therefore can’t get them hurt- so I hate it. And have for some time now.

Because in junior high I hated eating lunch.

Lunch meant food and food meant fat. I was so consumed with the idea that if I ate I would magically gain two hundred pounds and if I didn’t I would lose fifty.

So I stopped eating lunch.

I said my farewell with the brown paper bag and told myself I was making a step in the right direction to have a positive body image. I was going to be prettier. I was going to be skinnier. I was going to be happier. It was the easiest goodbye I have ever said and for a while it felt really good.

Until it didn’t.

Until I realized I wasn’t the same person anymore. Because not eating is like not watering a plant (which I am sure might be a touchy subject considering the drought we are in, but it’s true). We think it will make us into something we currently “aren’t” and we are right. It makes us dead. It dries up our roots and slowly over time we wither away, from the inside out. And before we lose any weight we lose our happiness, our peace, our sense of security, our ability to enjoy getting together with people because it always happens. Around. Food.

And you never get pretty enough, skinny enough, or happy enough. It is never… enough.

And as the years passed I began to realize that food was not the problem, and even more importantly, the lack of it wasn’t the solution. And lunch began to be ok again… and then came the end of my sophomore year.

Because in high school I didn’t know where to sit with my lunch.

When you decide to really pursue God, really believe in Him, really follow Him, people aren’t always ready to come with you. As a sophomore I lost the majority of my friends and every time the lunch bell rang, my heart sank. I knew what that bell meant. That bell meant waiting in line for food that I am sure was not that great for me but even more disheartening was the idea that after I had gotten my food I would have to walk to the back of campus to a choir room by myself to eat it.

I lost the table I sat at every day. I lost the idea of “knowing where I fit”. I lost the friends I thought I was SO CLOSE WITH. I lost the feeling of being wanted. I lost.

There were no calls. No catching up after classes. No invitations to special events. It was just the end, and I can tell you this- you know just between us and the world wide web- I wasn’t ready for it to be the end.

So I anxiously waited for graduation, to go out into this big world and have purpose and a “place”. And I discovered something, I hated lunch then too.

Because as an adult I wondered how fast I could eat my lunch.

I mean seriously, you work from 10 to 4 and only get a 15 minute “break”… HELLO… that’s lunch! Shovel it in friend. Because no matter how long you work, if it isn’t 8 hours you ain’t getting any length of time that would allow for actual savoring of said food. So shovel.

Better yet- learn to eat, catch up on facebook, text a few friends, and finish any reading you needed to get done in a 15 minute window. Be busy, keep busy that is the American way. And that multi-tasking skill will come in handy more times than you will know.

Because once you have kids, Oh Lord help us, once you have kids- it changes.

Because as a mom I sometimes can’t remember the last time I had lunch.

There will be days, even weeks that I am so busy that I skip meals all together. And then there are days with nothing on the to do list and these are the days that I remember the biggest reason why I hate lunch.

Because now it is so quiet my thoughts steal my appetite for lunch.

My kids are napping, my to-do list is a to-done list, and all I have left is that weird break that leaves me alone with the thoughts that have seemed to come back for round two.

It is such a strange feeling to be battling these same thoughts… again. To be confused on where I fit in a place I am so sure God led me to. To wonder if I am doing enough when I don’t even know that I have the time to be “doing” anymore.

This season, like my lunch plate, is full and I sometimes find myself just looking forward to it being over.

It is full of questions with little answers and I am reminded of that same girl all those years ago that would count down the minutes to “get through” lunch because when it ended… there was math class… and I knew exactly who I was and what I was supposed to do in math class. There were no feelings of being unwanted or inadequate, because I was built for Math! (Now Science, that is a different subject all together. Literally.)

But alas, here I am again finding myself just wanting to “get through” because I know when it ends so will the confusion. I will know who I am and where I fit. Just put your head down, Vanessa, and get through it.

And if we do that, if we close our eyes and ignore what is happening right now in wait for it to be over, we might miss something. Like food. Glorious food. And of course other more important things too like the thousands of special memories yet to be made. And new friendships you never saw coming. And a new purpose you never imagined. And new dreams or ideas that could only be birthed through your pain.

Don’t close your eyes even if they are filling with tears, my friend. There is something you need to see. Because despite the thousand unanswered questions, God still has a plan for you. It may get lonely, it may get confusing, but God is still in control. He hasn’t forgotten about you. He hasn’t given up on you.

Don’t lose heart.

Math class is coming soon, but you’ll need something from this lunch to get you through.

Acts 2:24-28, MSG

“Jesus, following the deliberate and well-thought-out plan of God, was betrayed by men who took the law into their own hands, and was handed over to you. And you pinned him to a cross and killed him. But God untied the death ropes and raised him up. Death was no match for him. David said it all:

I saw God before me for all time. Nothing can shake me; he’s right by my side. I’m glad from the inside out, ecstatic; I’ve pitched my tent in the land of hope. I know you’ll never dump me in Hades; I’ll never even smell the stench of death. You’ve got my feet on the life-path,

with your face shining sun-joy all around.