Diary of a Wimpy Chick Pt. 2: Schizophrenic Friendships

By Emily Bansuelo

This blog is part 2 of a 4 part series, Diary of a Wimpy Chick. If you haven’t read part 1, you can do so here. DISCLAIMER: To protect the identity of those in my life during this time, I have created aliases for all participants of the diary.

Being a middle school pastor with my husband I come across a lot of questions from girls. The top two categories are of course, boys and friends. Recently, I sat down with a group of roudy soon-to-be middle schoolers and they fired their questions at me like a hungry kid throwing Tapatio on a taco. And before I could answer their questions, I pulled out my diary to give them an insider’s look at life as a middle schooler…

February 3

         Dear Diary,

                …Only two more days till Friday which means my bday party with Kim and Laura. I can’t wait!

February 7

         Dear Diary,

                …Today I found out that Laura got her “you know what” last YEAR spring break! She didn’t even tell me. I’m mad at her. That’s just another thing she beat me at. (Believe me Emily, you’ll be glad later on in life you didn’t get your “you know what” any sooner. Can I get an amen from all the women out there?)

February 12

         Dear Diary,

                … I am mad at Chris. Kim asked him out today and specifically asked him not to tell any of his guy friends. (Do you see where this is going?) Well, he DID tell all the girls and guys about it. I’m afraid to tell Kim because I know it will break her heart. I just don’t know what to do.

February 25

        Dear Diary,

                I found out that Laura likes Chris too. I am worried since I like him… Another thing is, Kim seems really pushed away. And I think I really need to be more of a “best friend” than a “friend”. I really want to tell Kim that I like Chris too because I don’t want to hold it in anymore. (3 friends ALL liking the same boy at the same time? This is never good.)

March 15

       Dear Diary,

                …Kim told me to shut up. Laura started ditching me. I didn’t have a good day.

April 11

       Dear Diary,

                …I can’t wait to see Laura, It’s been a week of spring break and I hope she likes the brush I got her when I was in Florida. (Whoa, whoa, hold the phone! I have no idea what happened in that short span of time, but apparently we became besties again.)  

Well, life as a middle schooler can be tough with friends, it can feel like we have schizophrenic friendships (always going back and forth, one minute we are mad at each other the next we are fine.) But let’s be honest here. Life as an adult can be just as tough and probably tougher with friends sometimes. However, I’m learning that the same rules apply, and this is how I answered all those crazy girls' questions that I mentioned before.

1.  Friendship Is A Two Way Street

Proverbs 27:17- "As iron sharpens iron, so another person sharpens another." I sure can be exhausting to constantly be pouring into a relationship, and have no reciprocation whatsoever. If you’re in a relationship that is constantly exhausting, perhaps some boundaries should be put up somewhere.

2. Comparison Is A Slippery Slope

Hebrews 12:15- "See to it… that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Whether you’re in middle school comparing the timing of the arrival of Aunt Flow. Or you’re an adult comparing the timing of the promotion, marriage, kids or better house. Comparison can destroy friendship, even if you love that person dearly.

      3. Keep Your Mouth Shut

Proverbs 21:23- Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble. The number one way, I always tell girls, to stop drama is to just KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Stop using the excuse, “We should really pray for Sara because she’s back with that really nasty guy.” That’s not a prayer request… Or how about the one, “I heard a great podcast about modesty, I think Rachel should really listen to it, what’s her number again?” Uh huh.. You really don’t have her number?

4. Shake It Off

Ecclesiastes 7:21- Do not take to heart all the things that people say... People are always going to talk, even when you don't. So don't take things to heart. As much as it pains me to say T. Swift is right- SHAKE IT OFF! 

Here’s some final thoughts: Remember why you are friends in the first place whenever you’re dealing with doubt in a friendship. What holds your friendship together? Be confident that God has placed them in your life for a reason. The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy, but Jesus came to give us abundant life. And I believe friendship is a major part of that God-given abundant life. We don’t have to go through our days with schizophrenic friendships.  Be open to change and different seasons of life saying goodbye to some friends, but also saying hello to new ones and place Christ at the center of every relationship and I think we’ll be ok and get through this crazy thing called life.   

Greater Than

By Alison Vidal

I've never been a big math person, from day one I was more inclined to english or history. The way my mind works doesn't really mesh well with math, and even when I was little I didn't really find anything about math all that interesting (Now, if you're a math person PROPS to you because the way your brain works is awesome.) 

The one thing I always loved in elementary school math though was learning about greater than and less than signs. I don't know about you, but I was taught with the alligator method. You know, where the baby alligator is eating the numbers. That made math somewhat fun for the short amount of time we focused on that. When I think about God and the problems we face in life, sometimes I think about those baby alligators. 

For the sake of this illustration, today you are a baby alligator. One side of the equation represents God in our life. That side of the equation is made up of love, grace, forgiveness, strength. It's a Father, a Provider, a Healer. It is eternal love. On the other side, we have our problems. Sickness, death, family struggles, depression, anxiety. It's eating disorders, addiction, self harm; it is everything bad we find ourselves up against. 

I don't know a lot about math, but I do know what side of this equation is greater and which side is less. God is infinitely greater than every obstacle we have faced, are facing, or will ever face in the future. Whether that obstacle is big or small God will ALWAYS triumph over the things of this world. 

One of my favorite bible verses is Ephesians 3:20, "Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." Read that verse and think about how amazing that is. God, who is able through HIS mighty power can accomplish more than we could ever ask or dream. That means victory over every sin, every bad thought, every hard situation if we will trust in Him and let Him work in our lives. The most important part ladies, is this: it's not up to us. If you look at that equation, we aren't the ones that are greater. GOD is. 

We aren't the ones who are going to have a victory over sin. GOD is. God has the power to work miracles and wonders, if only we ask, believe and thank Him. Philippians 4:6 says this, "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." 

So what I hope you will take away from this sweet girls is this: when you find yourself up against something in life, don't be scared. Go to God, and pray. Pray and tell God everything, what is happening and what you need from Him. Then THANK Him for everything that He is, and everything that He has done. After that, trust in His power, and rest in the peace that He gives you. Let God fight the battle for you, because God is greater. 

Exodus 14:4 

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

John 3:30  

"He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less."

John 3:30 

“That’s why my cup is running over. This is the assigned moment 

for Him to move into the center, while I slip off to the sidelines."

I'm Ok And Other Lies I Tell Myself

By Haley Waters

Being a barista, I come in contact with a lot of people. In a work day, with a constant stream of face-to-face interaction, my responses and conversations can become very routine and rehearsed.

"It sure is nice out there." "Oh it's beautiful. Hopefully you can get out and see this gorgeous weather we're having after work." "I hope so. Although I could do without the wind--it always messes with my allergies." "I feel ya. Well you have a good day now." "You too!" (And other variations of the same conversation)

A common exchange between customer and barista is "Hi, how are you?" "I'm good thanks, how are you?" "Good, thank you, what can I get for ya?" And even that is extensive compared to the other exchanges which involve: "Hi, how are you?" "Yeah give me a grande latte, no foam, extra shot, extra hot...oh and nonfat" among other even less pleasant exchanges. But the point is, I know what to expect from my customers when I go into work. It's those every-so-often customers I get that throw a wrench in my perfectly-timed interaction with them. "Hi, how are you?" "Oh, I'm ok." At which point I'm frozen in place for half a millisecond while I try to decide how best to answer. 

I usually end up saying something lame like "Well let's see if we can fix that today" or, "At least you got your mocha!" (Even though I heavily believe in the powers of caffeine, it cannot in fact, fix all your problems). When I'm faced with the unexpected, I am unsure how to respond. But what I find even more interesting is that I've started to expect this "I'm ok" response, because it always seems to be the same people who use it. Even something which used to give me pause as I bustled around tossing cups this way and scones that way, has now become expected...and usual.

I find it strange when people use the word "ok" to describe how they're doing. Saying that you're doing "ok" should mean (by definition--I googled it) that you are satisfactory or aggreeable; acceptable. But most often when we give this answer in response to how we're doing, we are not actually ok. I can't remember one time I used this response and was actually "ok" (satisfactory or agreeable). Usually when I say "I'm ok," I either want whoever I'm talking to to probe further to find out why I'm not ok, or I want them to leave me alone. (I know, I'm a complicated mess) Either way, "I'm ok" is a mask. It's a lie I tell myself and other people to cover up how I'm really feeling and what I'm really thinking. Even if I ask customers why they're just doing "ok" and not "good," or "great" they don't really give an answer. They just mention how they've got errands to run or have been working everyday this week (at which I time I insert my awesome line about how "at least they have Starbucks"). The reason is, "I'm ok" is a lie.

I recently found myself using this phrase a lot. With friends, family, myself and God. I've always heard about the dangers of complacency and have tried my best not to fall into the trap of never moving forward or thinking that just by being busy I was being effective, but I didn't realize my complacency could turn into sin, and that these lies I had been telling myself were separating me from God.

I had to have a really honest conversation with Him, in which I had to repent not only for my sin, but for thinking that I was without it. I know that everybody sins, I know that we have a sinful nature that has to be fought against but I guess I thought that Christians were sort of exempt from certain sin, or at least, they should be. And for that, I had to not only apologize but make a decision to turn away from my wrong thinking and purpose in my heart to change. I was, essentially "casting stones." Jesus told the Pharisees who caught a woman in adultery in John 8, "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first." That's me! I'm without sin, right? So give me stones, time to practice.

Now, I'm being very honest and vulnerable with you, lest you think ANYONE has their stuff together, and is immune to sin, or a certain degree of sin like I did. I realize now how ridiculous my thinking was, so don't judge me too harshly.

I started throwing my stones: verbally and mentally. I would sit around and judge people, thinking it was my right because I was "without sin." Oh, how wrong I was. The worst part is, I didn't realize to the extent that I was doing it. I kept saying "I'm ok, I'm ok." And I would pray and have moments with God where I would get glimpses of what sin I was allowing to creep in and I would ask for forgiveness, ask God to change me, to break me. The thing about breaking is, it's not always a one-time deal. I was under the impression that if God was going to break me, He was going to do it all at once and then I would be fixed. Well that's fine, unless you take the cast off too soon, or try to manipulate the healing process. But I have things to do, God, people to see--so give me the microwave version so I can get on with my life. (Ouch, I know, I know--messed up)

As my best friend so perfectly put it, 

"You can't have a break-through without it breaking you."

There is no quick-fix version--something I've been painfully realizing, and repenting for lately.

Saying "I'm ok" doesn't just make your problems disappear, as if pretending they aren't there makes them irrelevant. Another lie I had been telling myself was that I shouldn't have problems. That maybe if I kept saying "I'm ok," I actually would be. 

John 16:33 says, "In this world you will have trouble; but take heart! I have overcome the world." I've always loved this Scripture for the second part: that He has overcome the world, but I guess I always ignored the first part, about having trouble (who wants that?). But He tells us we WILL have it, and pretending we don't does not make our lives any easier. But we are not without hope! Jesus Christ HAS overcome the world, and in Him we find the best place of refuge. 

Our problem-free living is in Heaven, and while on earth, we will face sin and we will face problems, but as long as we (I) don't fall into the trap of "I'm ok," these painful realizations like the one I recently experienced don't have to stop us from living the life He paid so much for. Because lies do stop you from living, but luckily, we know the Giver of Life, and He is always ready to take us in and cause us to live again.

So I hope my honesty has reached you wherever you are in your walk with God, and I encourage you to be honest: with yourself and with God. Before it's too late, ask yourself if you've been lying, if you've been "ok." And when you're ready, when you "get serious about finding [Him] and want it more than anything else, [He'll] make sure you won't be disappointed." (Jeremiah 29:13)

Did I Do That?

By Vanessa Shepherd

My body hurled to the earth with impressive force, as I stumbled upon the one patch of mud amidst the grassy hillside on that summer day. It was our second date (SECOND. Date.) and I was about to show Rich the brevity of my clumsiness. He instinctively reached out his hand to lift me up and I, with a backside that looked as if I had had an emergency, quickly waddled away to the bathroom to clean myself off, self-respect in tow. Seriously, Vanessa. You couldn’t keep this side of you hidden for longer than two dates? I returned from the ladies room now looking that I had just peed myself but thankfully it was hot enough to dry my “seat” (if you will) in enough time for me to enjoy the game. It was, you see, well before the baseball game had even started.

Without skipping a beat Rich offered to buy us some food before settling back down on the potential death trap that was the grassy hill (let’s just pause to say that ladies, it is not outdated or an attack on your strength as a female for them to buy you food. It’s called chivalry, and it is in fact not dead.)  

We found our way to the nacho line and after what seemed like an eternity standing there with a wet behind, we made it to the counter to order. 

Nachos and two drinks. 

That’s all we ordered, nachos and two drinks. He grabbed the nachos and I knocked over my drink. I shook my head, apologized a million times to the woman who had just filled said drink and reached for his cup while she refilled mine.

Yes. I knocked that one over too.

It’s a skill really. To be THIS clumsy. I wanted to pull an Urkel and just spurt out “Did I do that?” 

But you see I didn’t know if Rich would find it funny. Because I sure did. I know myself all too well to know that this is not the first and would definitely not be the last moment my dignity would spill all over the counter along with my drink. You either laugh or cry when you are as clumsy as I am and I have determined to just make a whole lifetime of memories laughing at myself. 

And as I peered over to Rich out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed a giant smirk as if to say, I think it is funny too and not only that, it will make for a great story one day… which it has. Not only did it make a great story but I am pretty sure the workers plotted with the guys in charge of the jumbo-tron out of sheer pity, and shortly after we found ourselves on the big screen - twice - the second time for just happening to win free tickets to real seats. Right behind the dug out... away from the dangers of the treacherous hill... thank you Rivercats.

I have shared this story on numerous occasions for numerous reasons but I was reminded of that same phrase this week. If you are unfamiliar with who Urkel is, I am sorry. I’m sorry that your childhood did not include TGIF, or Family Matters, or URKEL and if you have the time you should buy that series and just sit back with a bowl of snacks (that you won’t mind cleaning off the floor later because it is either thrown from the bowl or spewed out of your mouth from laughing so hard). It is my life. Fumbling over things… and people… causing utter havoc only to stand there with arms half raised only to say “did I do that”?

But this isn’t always my favorite quality. It's only one side of the coin. Because on the other side there lies the truth that due to being so unaware of my own actions I have unintentionally contributed to things that have brought utter destruction to another person, and with a head hung low I cry out to God, “did I do this”?

A girl shared with me this week that she has been cutting and starving herself. This was not the girl I had met last year. The one filled with God and hope and joy. This was not the girl who shared her dreams with me. This was not that girl. This was a girl in pain, turning to the very things that I had tried to self-medicate my own pain with and those four words replayed in my head over and over again… did I do this? Did I do THIS? DID I DO THIS?

Did I share my story in a way that glorifies the test instead of the testimony? Did I spend so much time talking about my struggles that all anyone ever heard was the temporary relief of my pain? Did I forget to mention how truly destructive and manipulative these things really were? How they caused more regret and more hurt than I could have ever imagined? How they stole years of my life that could have been full of purpose and joy? Did I forget that part?

I write today as one who has looked someone in the face who I may have unknowingly led to that same place of hopelessness and with tears in my now opened eyes say “I am so sorry”. Because if I have taken any of the glory that belonged to the Lord for doing what only He could have done in my life then I am wrong. Those things will never heal you. THEY CAN NEVER HEAL YOU. They are things that the enemy of your soul will dangle over you, telling you it will take away your pain, only to drag you into a deeper despair than you have ever known. I am so sorry. 

I could have spent too much time talking about my own efforts to heal myself, my battle scars, that I forgot to emphasize the greatest part- the victory. How Jesus came down and died IN MY PLACE. My story isn’t about the wrong paths I took, it is about a loving and merciful God who saw me in my darkest night and called out to me to take His hand. He saved me. He changed me. He didn’t lie or beat me over the head with my mistakes. He didn’t leave me when it got too hard. He is the big deal. He is the only miracle cure for our disposition. RUN TO HIM, GIRLS. He is the answer.

1 Corinthians 1:26-31 says it so perfectly, "Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God. God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made Him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; He made us pure and holy, and He freed us from sin. Therefore, as the Scriptures say, 'If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord.' "

Don't get me wrong, we were created to share our stories. Our stories matter. In Matthew 8:4, Jesus instructs a man to see a doctor to confirm that He had healed him of leprosy so that he could have a "public testimony". A public one. But what was the man to say? What was his testimony? That he had suffered years of an incurable disease? That he had been isolated and in pain moreso than anyone could even comprehend? No, that JESUS healed him!!! The testimony was his HEALING, the testimony was meant to give glory to the healer not to celebrate having leprosy so Christ could heal him. 

Our testimony is not what we were delivered from; 

our testimony is that we were delivered.

The greatest testimony is that you were kept from such destruction, not that you willingly walked into it. There is no such thing as "working on your testimony" my friend. It doesn't work like that. And if you have a story to share, share it! God wants to redeem it!!! Share your story with anyone who would listen, YES, but when you do be careful. Be careful that you are not just giving them a roadmap to the very place you so desperately cried out to God to pull you out of. We can very easily and unfortunately very unintentionally introduce people to a destructive behavior instead of a Savior.

Give Him the glory. Because He died for it. He did THAT.

Psalm 115:1

Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, But to Your name give glory, 

Because of Your mercy, Because of Your truth.

 2 Corinthians 4:6

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

Philippians 4:20

Now to our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.

Father,

Today I have seen what it is to brag of my path as if it gave me any kind of credit or pity and I am so unbelievably sorry. I have spoken too much of things that mean too little. My story has a place and a purpose, but there is no glory there. No victory of my own doing there. Forgive me, for I didn’t understand. Teach me how to humble myself and give you the honor you are due. Teach me to be less so You can be more. Redeem my story and help me not to recreate it.

Your little girl,

Vanessa