I'm not confrontational!

A year ago I took a trip to the beach with two really great girls, and while we were there I realized something about myself- something I've known all along but have never faced- I'm not confrontational!!! I used to think that it was perfectly okay, I have a naturally introverted personality. Stop laughing friends; if you know me to be different it is because I have challenged myself to be more extroverted but by nature I would rather keep to myself. On this Santa Cruz trip I realized that this natural disposition could be a problem especially when it came to miniscule things like talking to our waiter or finding someone to take our picture. I would ask one of the other girls to do it, hiding behind the phrase, "I'm not confrontational!" How did I survive on my own for so long?  Maybe it’s my mother’s fault for telling me not to talk to strangers?  Whatever the reason I felt extremely uncomfortable and it got me thinking.  Now I don’t want to be the one to confront everything and everyone but I would also like to be thought of as someone who will tackle the hard issues with love and confidence.  When conflict arises I would like to be the one to take the first step to resolve it instead of shoving it under the rug. 

I have two sons, they are “awesome” as the oldest one tells me and I love being a mother.  Jacob, our little miracle baby, is 6 months old and Michael is my comedic yet slightly dramatic 4 year old.  Michael loves to play with his Thomas the train and my rule is if he wants to pull out all of the tracks and trains he has to put away all of his other toys.  A 4 year old cleaning his room… yes it happens… don’t judge me.  Moving on- one afternoon my son asks me to put together his train track and as I’m sitting on the ground figuring out which part connects with which other part (which can be very difficult and time consuming if you don’t realize that they are numbered on the bottom) I realize that there is something sticking out from under his bed.  I pull up the covers and see a HUGE pile of clothes, toys, and I’m sure small animals that have found their way into this abyss.  I jerked my head back to look at Michael just to see his face turn to the exact same face that I make when I say- “I’m not confrontational”…. NOOOOOOO!!!! Have I passed on my excuse of not dealing with things?  Is a 4 year old even wise enough to be able to use it against me?  What does not being confrontational even mean?  Does it mean that I don’t confront people when they hurt me?  Does it mean that I don’t confront issues when I disagree with them?  Does it mean that I shove all of my toys under my bed because it’s easier to hide them than confront them?  Wait I don’t have toys… Well you get the point. 

As I was going through this whole conversation in my head I came to this conclusion, something I heard our pastor say not too long ago- “What you don’t resolve you repeat”.  Ouch.  That one hurts.  It’s true; I have relived many things over and over in my life because I refused to not only confront them but also resolve them.  I convinced myself that these issues didn’t need resolving.  I’m not saying I am perfect at it now, in fact I have a LONG way to go but the first step in practically every self-help program out there is admitting you have a problem.  If you are a teenage girl I hope that you can imagine me as your older sister, trying to share my experiences of failure so that you will have the ability to succeed.   It may be something small that has developed in your heart as a true hurt but I was reading in my devotional this morning about offense and it was put so perfectly: “Let me assure you that anytime something small becomes a major issue, you need to back up and reexamine what you are thinking and feeling.  The devil may be trying to work in your mind and imagination to divide you from the people you both love and need.”  Did you catch that?  Dividing you from people you both love and need.  We need eachother.  If it is something that cannot be resolved then walk in forgiveness.  But if it is within your control to walk in peace with others, confront the issue.  Confront the issues that are hindering your relationships.  Confront the issues that are weighing down your thoughts.  Confront the issues- because not only will you be separated from those you love but it will continue to happen until you are left living life all alone.  Don’t fool yourself in to thinking it is just this one situation- what you don’t resolve, you will repeat!

"Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another,
forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."  
Colossians 3:13

 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” 
Matthew 5:9