Two Wrongs Because I’m Right

By Vanessa Shepherd

Retaliation. Revenge. Go ahead and do whatever you need to do, because after all you are… justified. 

Oh, someone was rude to your sister? Just scream at them like a lunatic. That’ll teach them.

Oh, someone called you an inappropriate name? Get out the dictionary, there’s bound to be something worse in there. And if a longer more sophisticated word doesn’t work, then just pull out every four letter word you know. Or better yet, call them fat. Girls hate that one.

Oh, someone formed a group that gathers just to gossip about you and literally call themselves your “hater club”? Well, my friend, gossip away! After all, you didn’t start it. You weren’t the first to walk down the shallow road, and you definitely won’t be the last! If they are starting clubs, might as well start your own!

Wait… what? That’s not how it works? I beg to differ. That is exactly how it works. What I think you mean to say is that this is not how it is supposed to work. That is not how God wants us to work. But unfortunately we do time and time again.

"But you didn’t see what they did! You didn’t hear what they said!” I know. I know. I have been there too. It hurts, it’s unfair, you did nothing wrong. I know.

I have two boys and I cannot count the times that I have heard the phrase, “he hit me first” as if to absolve any responsibility for what happened after the first punch. Surely in the mind of a six year old it is just self defense when your 2 (at the time) year old brother throws a toy at your leg and you therefore decide that pushing him into the absurdly solid wood bed frame is in fact the correct response. And without hesitation when the 2 year old starts crying I will hear those four little words, “he hit me first” followed immediately by, “I didn’t mean to hurt him”. Really Michael? What was your intention then? I think he hurt you so hurting him back was exactly your intention, but when you retaliated you realized something very profound- you are now just as at fault, you are now also in need of forgiveness, and hurting someone how they’ve hurt you brings little to no satisfaction. Your pain is still there whether they are in pain also or not.

I can guarantee you with every mom bone in me that both boys have had their fair share of electronics taken, groundings, conversations of right and wrong, and even a few spankings. The more interesting thing is not that I have had to discipline them for their actions, but how EVERY TIME I have to punish them BOTH. Because there is always retaliation. There is always payback. Their little minds haven’t fully grasped the concept of “an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind” yet. But us? We are much older. We can learn this valuable lesson. We can change our responses. I believe in my heart that we can.

So someone was rude to your sister? Pray for them.

So someone called you an inappropriate name? Pray for them.

So someone formed a group that gathers just to gossip about you and literally call themselves your “hater club”? Smack them and then pray for them. Ok, maybe just pray for them.

A person does not have the ability to make you feel small without your permission… so stop giving it! Stop allowing yourself to be hurt and belittled and victimized. You are not weak. You are not unimportant. You are not the words spoken over you. You’re not. 

Hurting people hurt people, it is just a part of life. And while it feels so very personal, I promise you sweet girl that unless you did something to provoke the situation, it is not. You are just the “face” that they can take it out on since the emotions they are carrying around with them cannot be found in our physical world. The bible says it this way in Ephesians 6:12, “We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world”. We are fighting against jealousy, against anger, against offense, and against assumption. We are fighting things that are not tied to any one person, despite how they may feel. 

So let’s stop fighting back with words or actions. Our feelings toward people change (and depending on the week quite often I might add!). And when you see that person and you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach again because of what they did (or said or might have done), just replace their name with the emotion you are facing and if you are to fight anything, fight that! Because no matter how "justified" you are, two wrongs will never make us right!

Matthew 5:43-45

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons [and daughters!] of your Father in heaven…”