What I Aspired To Most In Life: A Deep Look Inside My Life

By Emily Bansuelo 

When I was in elementary school I aspired to be one thing when I reached the 5th grade… The Bible verse song and motions instructor. 

#LifeGoals 

*deep sigh* It was the most prestigious position everyone looked forward to being. (Ok, maybe not everyone) The verses we memorized were called "Our God From A-Z" and every week we would learn a new letter that coincided with who God is, for example A: God is able. B: God is our burden bearer. C: God is creator and so on. 

I have been encouraging my youth kids to begin memorizing scripture and I immediately was reminded of this series, and I wanted to share it with you all, and to stop the greatest excuse of, 

“Well, I’d like to memorize the Bible or read it more, 

but I just don’t know what to read.” 

The excuses have got to stop here!

Even though, as I grew, I began seeing these songs as silly, I now find the Holy Spirit bringing these scriptures to my mind when I need it most. For example, when it comes to me feeling alone and afraid I know that God is my “Refuge” (Psalm 41:1-2, Daniel 6:26-27). So below I have listed those Bible verses for you. Now I know you may not want to sing or do amazing motions (even though you really will be missing out) I encourage you to use these verses to remind yourself of who God is in your life. 

God is...

Able: Eph. 3:20 

Burden Bearer: Ps. 55:22 & 1 Pet. 5:7

Creator: Jer. 32:17

Deliverer: Ps. 91:14-15

Ever-Present: Is. 41:10

Faithful: 1 Thes. 5:23-24 

Great: Ps. 145:3, 6-9, 13-14 

Holy: Hab. 1:12-13, Ps. 77:13, Rev. 4:8, & Is. 6:3 

Intimate: Ps. 139:1-6 

Judge: Jer. 17:10 

Keeper: Jude 24 

Loving: Ps. 144:2 

Marvelous: Rev. 15:3-4 

Near: Josh. 1:9 

Omniscient: Rom. 11:33-36 

Powerful: Jer. 32:18-19 

Quickener: Is. 57:15 

Refuge: Ps. 41:1-2 & Dan. 6:26-27 

Sovereign: Is. 46:9-10 

Teacher: Ps. 25:8-10 

Understanding: 2 Cor. 1:3-4 

Very Compassionate: Lam. 3:22-23 

Watchful: Prov. 15:3 

eXcellent: Deut. 32:3-4 

Yahweh: Ex. 34:6-7 

Zenith: 1 Chron. 29:11-13 

Memorizing scripture is so important to the growth of our spiritual life. Come on, Jesus even used it to battle temptation in the desert. If Jesus used it in His life, you know we need to be using it in our life. Proverbs 7 in the MSG version says it beautifully, “…treasure my careful instructions… My teaching is as precious as your eyesight—guard it! Write it down on the back of your hands; etch it on the chambers of your heart.” 

Now before we go, you may still be wondering if I ever received the coveted role of Bible verse motions instructor, I actually did not. *Single tear streaking my face* BUT I did get to change the slides on the overhead projector. #LifeGoals 

High-five to me! 

Romans 15:4

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, 

so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures

and the encouragement they provide we might have hope."

Here I Am to Worship

By Mikayla Moore

About eleven years ago my family and I received the unfortunate news that my grandpa had a stomach anurism and was being put in the hospital so we packed up and made the short trip to go visit him. I was only four at the time and didn't realize the severity of the situation, and I wouldn't until years later. 

All I knew was that my family was hurting. 

I remember watching my parents and other family members cry and cry in the waiting room; I didn't know what else to do but try to make them smile. And if that didn't work, I ended up crying, too. Later we found out that the blood flow to my grandpa's left leg was being clogged. This is when I knew things were getting worse. More tears were flowing, and more prayers were being said. 

My grandpa was left with a choice. He could have his leg amputated and live, or keep his leg and most likely die. There was a weight in his hospital room, and it seemed to follow us everywhere we went. It was very seldom that I remember seeing a smile from any of my family, let alone my grandfather. 

Finally he made a decision, he would have his leg amputated. With his decision, even more tears were shed, and more prayers were said. A few days before the procedure would be done, we were in his hospital room and I stood up. I told my beloved grandpa that I wanted to sing for him. I knew just what I wanted to sing. It was my all time favorite song at the time, I knew every word, and even had hand motions made up. The song was called Here I Am To Worship. I performed it "a cappella" often for special occasions (such as on Easter, or Christmas, or whenever the cameras were rolling). 

With permission, I stood up, and began to perform my well rehearsed song. I watched as a smile seemed to run across each person in the rooms face. At the time I wanted to sing this song to give my grandpa a reason to smile. What I didn't know then was, it did so much more then that. 

My parents were recently talking about that day, and how when I began to worship it was like a weight was lifted off of the place. 

And joy was spread around the room.

Now eleven years have passed and my grandpa had adapted to living with only one leg and was doing well. But lately, within the last few years his health began to decline again. A few weeks ago my mom came home and informed my family and I that because of his declining health, he was being put in a nursing home so he could have professional care until he was strong enough to return home. My mom, my little sister, and I packed up from California, and got on a flight to Indiana as soon as we could to visit him. 

When we walked into his room for the first time I felt a deep sadness come over me. I had pictured the man who, not so long ago rode around the block on his motor scooter while my brother and I rode behind him in our little red wagon, connected to him by a rope. 

But that's not what I saw. 

I saw a man lying in a bed, who couldn't even sit up. There was oxygen connected to him, and intimidating tubes connected to his bed. I greeted him and leaned over his bed in order to give him a hug. 

One thing hadn't changed, the scruff of his beard still tickled my cheek. 

When asked how he was doing, he just said, "I'm doin' ". I figured it had just been a tiring day. But then it seemed to be a pattern, every time someone would call, or come to visit him that's what he would say. And he would only smile on occasion. One night he had a lot of visitors. It seemed the whole family had come up. But they were all out in the lobby and only a few of us were actually in the room with him at the moment. We sat quietly and watched the television as my Grandpa quickly flipped through the channels, it seemed this was his routine. But suddenly he stopped on a channel that was playing an old Gathers concert. Many people would think this is cheesy sounding, old school gospel music. But it's my grandpa's favorite. I watched him as he stared at the TV for a few seconds until his eyes closed and he clutched the remote with his right hand and held it up in the air. Soon I heard him humming very loudly to the song. I think everyone in the room was watching him. I saw a tear glisten at the corner of his eye, and suddenly, I felt my eyes well up with tears. 

The familiar weight in the room was lifted, and the sadness was turned into peace. I began to cry as I listened to my grandpa who I love so much hum along to the songs and worship God in his hospital bed. 

This experience has made me realize the importance of worshiping God although it may seem literally impossible. My grandpa has the exact same view everyday in his hospital bed. The only things that change in his day are the weather he sees outside the window, the TV channels, and the food. I can only imagine how hard it must be for him to wake up every morning and try to see the positive side and worship God. 

Worshiping God isn't just through singing and raising our hands in church. We are supposed to worship Him in all that we do. Even if it seems that everything around us is negative, we are supposed to. Because at least in my own life, I've seen that when I take a minute to step back and worship God, I begin to feel much better about my situation, and about life in general. 

It is through worship that the weight and heaviness of life is lifted. So if life has been weighing you down, confining you to a place of hurt or pain without any change in sight, simply close your eyes and sing a familiar song to God. 

Worship changes everything.

Psalm 95:6

"O come, let us worship and bow down, 

let us kneel before the Lord our Maker 

[in reverent praise and supplication]."

Psalm 96:4

"For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise..."

If you are "in the middle of a storm"
be encouraged by this song...
"Praise You in this Storm" by Casting Crowns

Cover by  Marissa Martinez

The words I would say

By: Alison Vidal

I recently had to go back to my high school and pick up a copy of my diploma for a job, and let me tell you, it was weird. Some people LOVED high school, and that's totally awesome. I was not one of those people, so going back even for a few short minutes made me feel like a 15 year old girl all over again. That feeling brought about a lot of revelation though. I remembered how broken I felt a few years ago, and how I thought that it would never get better. I remembered everything that I was doing and hiding behind to try and feel something, anything other than the pain that I was going through. Going back to my high school and getting a flashback of who I was just a few short years ago reminded me of how much Jesus has worked in my life, and it made me think of a few things that I wish I could go back and tell my 15 year old self. 

I wish that I could look my 15 year old self in the eyes and tell her that she didn't need to look for love or acceptance in other people. If I could, I would tell her that no matter how hard she tried or how much she looked, she would never find a person who could fill the hole in her heart. I would tell her that only Jesus could make her feel whole and feel loved. I would tell her to stop running to boys or "friends" to find her value. 

If I found myself face to face with the younger me, I would tell her that how other people treat her is NOT a reflection of who she is. I would take away her alcohol, take away her self harm, take away all of the addictions that she found herself trapped in because she thought she had to punish herself for who she was. I would tell her that by trying to punish herself she was trying to pay a price that had already been paid for her. I would tell her about Jesus and his love, his grace, I would tell her that HIS wounds had already healed every pain she would ever feel. 

The last thing I would tell myself at age 15 if I had the chance is this: do not be afraid. I would tell the scared little girl hiding inside of herself that she was going to find Jesus, that she would fall in love with Him and never look back. I would tell her that her whole entire life would be changed in ways that she would never even imagine, if only she was brave enough to TRUST. I would show her the life free of addictions, the arms free of cuts, and I would show her the smile on my face. I would show her how much JOY I feel every day, the joy that at 15 years old I never thought I could have. I would look that girl in the eyes and tell her it was time to start relying on the only thing she really could in this world: Jesus. 

Since time machines don't exist and I can't go back 4 years and tell myself all of that, I'll do the one thing I can do. I'll tell you all of the same things. I hope that you can read these words and recognize things that you feel or have felt and that you can find hope for your life. I hope that if you read this and need to hear anything that I needed to hear when I was younger, you'll feel in your heart today that Jesus can turn your world around. I hope that you open the door of you heart and let Him in, because He brings grace. He brings love. He brings peace, and He brings  healing. He brings LIFE back to what once seemed dead and empty. He has the power to give you more than you could ever ask for or imagine girls, and I hope and pray that you will let Him in. 

"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." Ephesians 3:20 

How Strong Is Too Strong?

By Haley Waters

I don't know about you, but I am a pretty busy gal. At this point, I just keep adding more and more onto my plate, and I'm not even phased by the last-minute, crazed rush of my everyday life anymore. Which I should be, I know and which I am working on so if you're that way too, stop it! It's not good.

So you know those body builders that get super-muscular and enter competitions and wear the small clothes? Do you ever think: Wow, when are they going to be done? I imagine it's kind of like an addiction, always reaching for that next goal (whatever it is for a body builder, I wouldn't know). But I wonder if they ever think: Ok, I'm too strong, I should stop.

Well, like the body builder who can't fit through average doorways anymore, I too can get too strong. Except my strength doesn't make my clothes fit awkwardly or cause my biceps to move on their own. My strength is more of a "I am super-busy woman: hear me yawn in exhaustion." But instead of telling myself I'm too strong and that I need to slow down, that I need to organize, God has to tell me. You would think with the the amount of times He has told me by now that I would catch on and figure it out myself. But alas, I have not mastered that yet, therefore my heavenly Father is constantly, gently reminding me: 

"You are too strong." 

Awhile ago I read a Scripture I had read multiple times before but this time it came alive in a different way. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says "My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness." And suddenly, it was shown to me that I had to be weak if He was going to be strong. 

When I was "too strong" God wasn't being allowed to be strong in my life. I would tell God, "Ok I am going to run and you catch up!" Because I'm soooooo busy right? God couldn't possibly handle my schedule. What I'm really saying is, "God, I can't handle Your strength." 

If you know me, you know that I pretty much have a perpetual cold; 365 days a year, I have a tissue box in hand and a Rudolph nose. So recently I had a cold; no big deal it happens all the time! Except this one was not going away! Usually I have symptoms for two or three days, then just the sniffles and after a couple weeks, I just wait for the next cold to show up. But during this particular cold, I had horrible symptoms for a week straight! The throat, the ears, the nose--everything! It was miserable. Also at this time, my devotional life was not particularly active (remember I'm suuuuuuper busy). But during this week of sickness I found a free moment and I knew I needed to spend time with God. So I pulled out my Bible and devotionals, and the first thing I read was "Be still." Ouch.

I knew exactly what it meant. I went on to read Zechariah 2:13 "Be still before the Lord, all mankind, because He has roused Himself from His holy dwelling." God was so clearly trying to get my attention, yet even in my sickness, I was trying to be too strong. I had been trying to sprint without His guidance, without taking time to rest or breathe.

Hebrews: 12:1 says "...and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." The race of life is a marathon, not a sprint, and endurance doesn't run out or burn out, it lasts. We were meant to last! But not by our own strength. We actually have to be weak if God is going to be strong in our lives.

Proverbs 24:10 says "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." I can definitely say that I have "fainted" a few times by relying on my small strength; spiritually, at least, although during that week of sickness I probably could have physically fainted a few times. God's perfect strength allows us to face adversity, and to overcome it. It allows us to run with endurance, it allows us to do so much more than we could with our own measly strength. So then why don't we surrender sooner?

It's funny how we want to be near God so badly, we want Him to answer all of our prayers, we want to hear His voice, yet we are running in a sprint, blindly missing His answers, His voice, and His signs. It's not that God doesn't want to answer my prayers, or even that He hasn't--it's that when I am close to Him, spending time with every day, I hear Him louder, and I hear Him sooner.

I love what Jethro tells Moses, his son-in-law, in Exodus 18 after watching the way he leads the people. "What you are doing is not good (yeah, Jethro, keep it simple and to-the-point)...the work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone."

God tries to tell me this all the time, and thankfully, when I don't listen, His grace steps in and stops me. But I am learning, and I hope you will too...to hear God louder and to hear Him sooner. To accept that we need to be weak, so God can be made strong.

So put away the tiny, awkward clothes, stop sprinting and be still. His strength is so much bigger and better than ours, and to let it activate in our lives, all we have to do is be weak. 

2 Corinthians 12:9

"But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!" AMP

Let the Good Times Scroll

By Vanessa Shepherd

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you found yourself on the top of something extremely tall like a building or mountain, and everything in you wanted to jump off but it felt so real that you were unsure if you should? That moment of “If this is a dream I want to feel the wind under my arms but if this is reality I don’t want to feel the cement under my face?” So uncertain of what is happening you just stand there… like a crazy person of course because whoever just happens to find themselves on top of a giant building?

That struggle is real. (And it also happens to be the only thing that you are certain is real.)

I recently found myself in the same confused state over none other than HGTV. I am a big HGTV fan. Like BIG. I love anything and everything DIY and home-related and not too long ago I found myself in conversation with a friend who let me in on a little “secret”. Those shows are all FAKE. Yes I know that may not be news to you but for the skeptical let me fill you in on the secret too. The couple that are house hunting have in fact already found the house they want and put an offer on it well before they produce the show. The family that gets their house extremely made over is responsible for the upkeep on the majorly renovated house and 99% of the time ends up moving out because they can’t afford to stay there. The “free” gifts given to everyone in the audience have taxes attached to them that have to be paid in order to keep them. Maybe I am missing something but I never saw an episode including any of those things.  Reality TV is far from, well, reality.

If it is anything at all, “reality TV” is a big fat bowl of frozen mayo 

being sold as ice cream and people are eating it up.

If only it stopped there. Unfortunately this merging of the imaginary and reality happens more often than we all care to admit, and us girls are the biggest culprits. Don’t believe me?  Then post the forty pictures you took on your phone before that one golden one came along that was posed just right to hide any pretend bulges, or double chins, or closed eyes, or funny faces. Post the one that is just SO AWKWARD that you would just DIE if everyone saw, because I hate to break it to you but your phone is not a magician. Your face really does look like that sometimes.

Because YOU ARE REAL. Because there are bound to be some days that you don’t look like a Victoria Secret model (even if in fact you are a Victoria Secret model). Because some days you just want to frump around all day with yesterdays makeup and giant sweat pants on, eating nothing but Cheetos and guess what… that girl is beautiful too. And even more than that, she is the most beautiful. Because she is real.

So the next time you scroll through social media posts of amazing people doing amazing things and looking amazing while they do it, stop yourself from thinking that the split second it took to take that picture is their entire life. That could just be the 41^st picture that made the cut.

In this life you will have the good, the bad, and the cracking up because you never imagined it could get that bad-ugly. But it is what it is, because this is true "reality". Not the mess they show you on TV, or even the posts made by the majority of people on social media.

So post something REAL! Post that picture that you never wanted anyone to see because you were afraid of what they would say. And if you can’t then ask yourself- is it because I am insecure, or because I am hiding something? Because both of those are TERRIBLE excuses and are the precise ways that we hinder ourselves from being truly genuine.

If you are insecure, find your self worth in Christ. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE NOT FLAWED. (And if you think I am wrong then just read Song of Solomon 4:7) Real life isn’t always pretty or easy to look at but it is always beautiful.

And if you are hiding something, stop it. God did not send His Son for you to live a double life. Dress at home how you dress at school. Or better yet, come dressed in what you wore Friday night to Sunday morning church. And talk to your pastor how you talk to your best friend. If that makes you uncomfortable then ask yourself why you are living two ways in the first place, you were not created to be two separate people. You were created for more than that. You were created to be one of a kind. You were created to be genuine.

Let’s let the good times scroll, ladies. Let’s applaud the great social lives and perfect skin tones of others, and not think less of ourselves if we have neither of those things. Let’s get happy for others without getting sad for ourselves. Let’s not stop and obsess over every picture posted and every word written as if it were telling the full story.

Because #ThisIsRealLife

But so is this...

[I would like to note that it took two hours of searching through every picture file I had to find these gems. Clearly keeping a terrible picture of myself on my phone or computer is not my top priority because I can assure you I have taken some real award winners.  I will do my best from here on out to keep "the first 40'" and to remind myself while it may not be easy to look at- #ThisIsRealLife- and I love it!]

Matthew 6:2-4

“When you do something for someone else, don’t call attention to yourself. You’ve seen them in action, I’m sure—‘playactors’ I call them—treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that’s all they get. When you help someone out, don’t think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out."