I recently had to go back to my high school and pick up a copy of my diploma for a job, and let me tell you, it was weird. Some people LOVED high school, and that's totally awesome. I was not one of those people, so going back even for a few short minutes made me feel like a 15 year old girl all over again. That feeling brought about a lot of revelation though. I remembered how broken I felt a few years ago, and how I thought that it would never get better. I remembered everything that I was doing and hiding behind to try and feel something, anything other than the pain that I was going through. Going back to my high school and getting a flashback of who I was just a few short years ago reminded me of how much Jesus has worked in my life, and it made me think of a few things that I wish I could go back and tell my 15 year old self.
I wish that I could look my 15 year old self in the eyes and tell her that she didn't need to look for love or acceptance in other people. If I could, I would tell her that no matter how hard she tried or how much she looked, she would never find a person who could fill the hole in her heart. I would tell her that only Jesus could make her feel whole and feel loved. I would tell her to stop running to boys or "friends" to find her value.
If I found myself face to face with the younger me, I would tell her that how other people treat her is NOT a reflection of who she is. I would take away her alcohol, take away her self harm, take away all of the addictions that she found herself trapped in because she thought she had to punish herself for who she was. I would tell her that by trying to punish herself she was trying to pay a price that had already been paid for her. I would tell her about Jesus and his love, his grace, I would tell her that HIS wounds had already healed every pain she would ever feel.
The last thing I would tell myself at age 15 if I had the chance is this: do not be afraid. I would tell the scared little girl hiding inside of herself that she was going to find Jesus, that she would fall in love with Him and never look back. I would tell her that her whole entire life would be changed in ways that she would never even imagine, if only she was brave enough to TRUST. I would show her the life free of addictions, the arms free of cuts, and I would show her the smile on my face. I would show her how much JOY I feel every day, the joy that at 15 years old I never thought I could have. I would look that girl in the eyes and tell her it was time to start relying on the only thing she really could in this world: Jesus.
Since time machines don't exist and I can't go back 4 years and tell myself all of that, I'll do the one thing I can do. I'll tell you all of the same things. I hope that you can read these words and recognize things that you feel or have felt and that you can find hope for your life. I hope that if you read this and need to hear anything that I needed to hear when I was younger, you'll feel in your heart today that Jesus can turn your world around. I hope that you open the door of you heart and let Him in, because He brings grace. He brings love. He brings peace, and He brings healing. He brings LIFE back to what once seemed dead and empty. He has the power to give you more than you could ever ask for or imagine girls, and I hope and pray that you will let Him in.
"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." Ephesians 3:20
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