By Emily Bansuelo
The car was packed full and I was off to the biggest adventure of my life. I had been away from home before- mission’s trips, vacations, things like that- but nothing like this. As far as I knew, I was only going to be gone about 9 months. I had my big girl pants on, I took a deep breath, and away I drove. Like the Israelites leaving their slavery, I too was leaving my addictions in Michigan. So long slavery, I have decided to follow Jesus, NO TURNING BACK, remember? I was so sure of myself, and this exciting new adventure God was giving me. I was really sure of myself, except when I began realizing how uncomfortable I was getting. The further we drove, the more questions began rising up into my head. What if this isn’t for you? What if you fail? What happens when you have no friends, and you’re lonely? You know what happens when you feel alone. So many lies, so many questions, but I had to trust God and keep going.
When I arrived in the great state of California everything seemed to be going well. I was making friends, I was doing great in my classes. I was keeping up appearances and nobody had to know about my past dealing with that icky word, I still wasn’t hearing people talk about… *whispers* porn. But I didn’t need to worry about it, I was sure of it. But those questions kept creeping in. And they were getting louder. A year passed, and I was into my 2nd year of interning. And I had a stressful dark day. I was tired, alone, and feeling worthless. And the enemy swept in with a nasty, but cunning invitation back into my comfort zone. Slavery. Porn. If I chose yes, I would be picking up exactly what I had dropped in Michigan. And I picked it up. I snatched it. Just like that I was back in the vicious cycle I was in a year ago. What happened? What was going on? I was panicking like a lost little girl in a maze of mirrors with no way out.
But I had these friends, solid women of God. I reached out to them first. I was so tired, tired of silently suffering in my addiction to pornography. Tired of thinking I was alone in my struggle. I knew I had to tell my friends what was going on (read Romans 10:9). As difficult as it was, I could feel shame falling off. It’s been a really long road of finding and fighting for my freedom. So how does someone do it? How do we stay free in the midst of a world that is telling us our sin is better than our freedom? I compiled a list of practical tips that will keep us free; no matter the addiction, pain, or struggle you may be fighting against. We must fight for freedom harder.
1. Renew Your Mind. Romans 12:2
In order to keep our minds on things above and not on the distracting, lustful, and honestly disgusting things that can consume our thoughts at times (Colossians 3:2), we must renew our mind. And it has to happen DAILY. Get into the Bible, there are 31 chapters in Proverbs, and 31 days in a month. Voila! You have a chapter to read that is full of wisdom! Every single day. It will then be easier for us to do what Philippians 4:8 encourages. “…Whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely… think about such things.”
2. Make A Plan. 1 Corinthians 10:13
When you are in the heat of temptation it is so helpful to have a plan in place. I keep a pair of tennis shoes by the door. If I’m feeling tempted I grab my shoes and get out of the house. At night I don’t have my phone near me, I keep it charging in the other room. What is your plan? If I’m feeling lonely I turn on music and dance. Make a list of silly, or serious things to do when your temptation is in your face.
And the most important part of my plan is number three…
3. Get Accountable. James 5:16
Having women of God in your life who you can trust is so important. I am blessed to have multiple women I can call on in my time of need. Trusting people can be so hard, but it’s more important to have someone you can rely on than continuing to be alone. Isolation is where the enemy’s voice is the loudest, but in a community of strong godly women, there’s only room for love and encouragement.
My journey in the world of being addicted to pornography has been long and tiring. I have shared my story because I believe that I have been set free to set others free. God gave me a dream one evening of a room, dark, damp and cold. As soon as light shed on the walls I realized it was filled with young women who were chained up and had no idea that there were other women right next to them. The enemy has convinced us to be silent, but I’m revoking that lie. I will cry out from the mountain tops because I followed Jesus, and the enemy may have thought that he had the final say, but I do. He couldn’t keep me down. He will not keep us silent. Fight for freedom, because Jesus has set us free.
John 8:36
"So if the Son liberates you [makes you free men],
then you are really and unquestionably FREE."
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