Still talking to myself...

Last week I wrote about the topic of encouraging yourself in the Lord, something David wrote about when he was in a time of trouble. I remember many many times in my own life when I felt so utterly alone and in desperate need of encouragement especially in my young teenage years. Maybe you have been there before, or you are there now; either way I hope you walk away from this post equipped to handle whatever you are dealing with.  It is at times like these when you pull out that Bible and pick a scripture to recite over and over and over again until you begin to believe what that scripture says.  It was at such a time recently when I pulled out my go-to encouraging verse and was smacked in the face with a big revelation.  I hope you too will find such a revelation in this verse, maybe without the giant smack like I had figuratively received.

When our second son Jacob was born I felt like my life couldn’t get any better than that moment; a wonderful husband, two beautiful sons, and a dream job working with teenagers.  I spent that whole first night just staring at our new baby in a state of complete happiness.  When the morning came my husband decided to get me a Starbucks, because he is a man of God, and I was left alone in the room with little Jakey.  Not too long after a doctor rushed in and took our baby away followed by a nurse who grabbed me by the hand and slowly began to walk me down the hall explaining to me what was happening.  Our beautiful newborn baby boy was going to the NICU for an indefinite period of time due to a heart defect and there I was all alone left with little to no answers.  The full story of that day and the months to come I will share later but I wanted to give you a little glimpse into the worst day of my life.  I had some doosies up until that time, but this day took the cake. 

As I sat next to our little guy in his NICU bed I closed my eyes and recited quietly one of my favorite passages in a lowly attempt to encourage myself in the Lord.  “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:2-4) Wait a minute, I didn’t want patience.  What the what.  I wanted results.  I wanted it to say “count it all joy when you fall into various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces RESULTS” not patience.  Patience means I have to wait around while my child gets stuck with needles every hour.  Patience means I have to drive home without him only to return every 3 hours for feedings.  Patience means I have to continue holding my newborn baby with chords attached to him for who knows how long.  Patience?  Holy irritation.  I was not encouraged to say the least.  My go-to verse was now at the bottom of my list because I didn’t want to wait things out, I wanted God to fix my baby- NOW! 

As I was reading one of my favorite devotionals I ran across this same verse and it gave the definition of the word “patience” that was used from the original Greek word “hupomeno”. This word means to hold steadfast, be consistent and unwavering despite any circumstance.  It reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Princess Bride, when they are storming the castle and you hear the guard shout “Stand your ground men, stand your ground”.  Of course in the movie they did not stand their ground, they all ran away like little girls running from a spider.  But this truer meaning of being immovable is really what this passage is saying.  That no matter what I will stand my ground.  I will not be shaken.  I will not be moved.  I will hold on to God’s promises NO MATTER WHAT!  So Satan, go ahead and come at me bro.  Hit me with your best shot.  I am not moving.  I will stand in this place until I see my prayers answered!  Satan can take my health but he cannot take my happiness.  I will choose to count it all JOY and have PATIENCE.  Let’s do this!

Psalm 55:22
 Cast your burden on the LORD, and  He will sustain you;
He will never permit the righteous to be moved.