That Time An Old Dominican Man Changed My Life

Christmas has arrived at my home. The lights have been hung inside and out. I strung popcorn, watched movies, and even searched the Netflix database for all movies pertaining to Christmas. The holidays are in full swing!!! It makes me so excited to think about the traditions of Christmas past, present and the traditions I am thrilled to start in the future. It’ll be wonderful when I have a house full of littles running around, screaming Jingle Bells at the tops of their lungs. And then throwing up massive amounts of Christmas cookies and hot cocoa. That’s going to be amazing! (Then all the mothers who are reading this rolled their eyes and said, “Yea right, just wait.”)

But since I am way off before any of that is going to happen, I had an epiphany. An epiphany that takes place every once in a while when I begin thinking, hoping, or worrying of things to come. It’s a phrase that an old Dominican man, whose name is Francisco, told me while I was on a mission’s trip. “Today is the best day of your life.” I remember thinking, cool story bro, but there’s too much going on upstairs for me to stop thinking so much. He continued on, “Yesterday is gone, all the mistakes, all the emotions, all the failures. Tomorrow hasn’t even happened yet. So why worry?! Allow tomorrow to worry about itself. TODAY! TODAY IS YOUR BEST DAY!!” It literally blew my mind! I have spent so much time either in the past or in the future. The Bible is so clear with us that we are only guaranteed today. Right now. This moment. We are living with borrowed breath. Every day is a gift that God allows us to live. I’ve wasted a lot of time focusing on false hopes, silly regrets and worrying myself into the ground.

By Emily Bansuelo

That little old man with the white crazy hair changed my life. That day I decided that it would be the best day of my freaking life!!! I ventured where Emily would never have gone before. I went cliff jumping!

That's Me!

And it may sound great, but the water was really dirty, seriously, there were diapers floating by as I surfaced from the deep. BUT IT WAS AMAZING! While eating dinner in a Dominican family’s home later that night, they offered me the chicken’s foot. (A delicacy, by the way, and an honor to be offered it as a guest.)

The Chicken's Feet

So the girl with a giant gag reflex proceeded to place the slimy, warm foot into her mouth. Sure enough, it tasted like chicken and slid down like Jello, but for some reason a little crunchy at times.

SO… back to the point at hand with Christmas time being here. I realized that so many traditions I want to begin later on in life, either with kids or friends, I can start right now. For instance, on Christmas morning, before opening gifts, my family (my husband and I) will read letters of thankfulness before indulging in presents. On Christmas Eve, we’ll be having friends over who don’t have family to decorate a big tree with or make Christmas cookies with, or laugh and cry at classic Christmas movies. We will stay up all night celebrating the birth of Jesus with a birthday cake.

Now is not a time for me to hope and wish for things to come or regret for the colossal mistakes I’ve made in the past, I will live for today, because today is the best day of my life. It’s all I have. Now how will you live your life? Will your thoughts be filled with false hopes, wishes for tomorrow, and missing yesterday. Allow me to encourage you…

“Today is the best day of your life. Yesterday is gone, all the mistakes, all the emotions, all the failures. Tomorrow hasn’t even happened yet. So why worry?! Allow tomorrow to worry about itself. TODAY! TODAY IS YOUR BEST DAY!!”

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's troubles are enough for today."

-Matthew 6:34-

My Struggle with Social Anxiety

By Vanessa Shepherd

My struggle with social anxiety can be summed up in one word.
Irony.

Like when putting up a sign for safety.... unsafely.

Or when writing "nothing is written in stone"... in stone.

Or when building a statue for freedom... and then putting it in a cage.

Or when driving a "where the news hits home" truck... and hitting a home.

Irony.  It can be the best thing and the worst thing all at the same time.  Irony is, well, ironic. I have been on both sides of the irony crazy train.  I have caught myself hysterically laughing when a person attempts correcting someone else's grammar by making an even more terrible grammatical offense.  You know that's funny.  Or laughing at how irrational my own personal thoughts can get when I have to travel through darkness to turn off a light I have forgotten about, so I can be in complete darkness before going to bed.  

But you see my struggle with social anxiety is ironic, too.  I am called to lead and help a group of people all the while being afraid of large groups of people.  Ironic isn't it?  And it started long before I knew large groups would ever be in the picture. I embraced my social awkwardness at a young age striving to the be the best at my academics only to find that my eighth grade self won valedictorian to not only accept an award on a stage facing hundreds of students and parents, but speaking to them as well.  Here's the best part.  Public Speaking 101: Eye contact... you must keep eye contact with the crowd.   And Social Anxiety... yea no... large crowds plus eye contact equals lack of air in my lungs.  And that's a math equation you can bet on every time!

Every time we host a girls conference, or throw an event, irony hits me.  The constant battle within me to dream grand dreams and crawl in a hole.  I think God must have gotten it wrong.  I can't do any of the things in my heart because I am not strong enough.  My knees shake, my lungs close, and my head gets cloudy.  I don't know how I can stand in front of a crowd, much less be clear minded enough to speak to them.  You had it wrong, God.  I am not the one.  

I believed this for awhile.  That I couldn't be both the leader and the sufferer.  It was my kryptonite, the thing that would keep me from doing anything great, and then I heard something that changed it all.  After making a huge life change- being a stay at home mom after the birth of our first son- I had started watching Joyce Meyers.  I can almost feel your eyes roll because no one under thirty watched tele-evangelists.  I can certainly say that I am not the type to watch preachers on TV, it's nothing against them I would just prefer to go to a service, but in this season of life I found myself watching every day.  One afternoon she said something that set my anxiety ridden heart free.

"If you are always going to be scared, then just learn how to do it... scared."

It isn't the message many will proclaim.  They will tell you to pray yourself out of it, to "just stop" being anxious.  They will look at you as if you were one without faith if you dare confess that you struggle with social anxiety.  But here's the thing, you can't just GET OVER IT.  Some days I triumph over my anxious feelings and some days I LIVE DESPITE THEM. And you know something else, I am not alone!  David was depressed, Elijah was suicidal, Gideon was afraid, and Moses stuttered.  The only difference between them and the rest of the depressed, suicidal, afraid, stutterers was that they allowed God to use them DESPITE their problems.  

If you are going to be afraid, anxious, embarrassed, or depressed- then learn how to live life with all of those emotions anyway.  Because if you allow any of those emotions to cause you to stop living then evil has truly done what it had set out to do, and the impact that you were created to make on this world will never happen.  So you made a mistake and might be embarrassed being around anyone who knows, go live life anyway.  So you haven't crawled out of your bed of depression and the only comforter you've known is the one on top of your sheets, get up anyway.  So you haven't gone to the grocery store in days because you are putting off the inevitable tantrum that your almost three year old albino terrorist will throw... oh wait, that is probably just me... Vanessa, go to the grocery store anyways!

No more should we allow ourselves to be chained to the emotions that have been our constant companions... I may never fully be rid of my social anxiety, and God may heal me fully tomorrow, but whatever the case I will do it (whatever He is asking me to do) anyway. So be brave, dear girls, and full of courage.  Live life anyway!

Exodus 4:10-12 

"And Moses said to the Lord, O Lord, I am not eloquent or a man of words, 

neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech 

and have a heavy and awkward tongue. So the Lord said to him, 

“Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, 

or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, 

and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.” 

Psalm 116:9-11 MSG 

"I’m striding in the presence of God, alive in the land of the living! 

I stayed faithful, though bedeviled, and despite a ton of bad luck, 

Despite giving up on the human race, saying, “They’re all liars and cheats.” 

My Greatest Adversary

By Emily Bansuelo

I wanted to write this blog about the recent shocking reveal of my beloved Renee Zellweger. She is one of my favorite actresses, so when I was watching Entertainment Tonight and saw a picture of a random woman who they said was Renee, I literally could not believe it. I was ready to write about how as a young woman I can point out my own flaws, so I can’t even imagine how the pressures of Hollywood could bring someone to make face altering decisions. I was ready to write passionately about how horrible of an example our culture is setting for us. How could Renee do such a thing?How can they do this to us? I was ready to make the point that we should be confident in how we were made in our Creator’s image rather than investing our college funds or going into crazy debt to get the face, butt, tummy, or boobs we want. (Insert deep breath here) We should fight the system of plastic surgeries! FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!! (Now picture me jumping on my kitchen table) How can people do such horrible things?  I am fired up! And my blood is pumping. Then…. Something happened…

I heard my husband reading Matthew 7 in the other room, and this feeling of sweet conviction began gripping my heart. Jesus said with such passion in verses 1-5,

“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.”

There are so many more stories that have been making their way round the tabloids. Stories that are disgusting to us church people. I have found that I am so good at criticism. In my opinion, it’s one of our greatest adversaries in Christianity. Oswald Chambers defines it best, “Criticism serves to make you harsh, vindictive, and cruel, and leaves you with the soothing and flattering idea that you are somehow superior to others.” The problem with this mind set is that if I keep looking at specks and smudges on other people’s faces when I have completely ignored the big muddy mess on my face. Worst yet, every wrong thing I’m finding in Renee Zellweger, Justin Bieber, Brittany Maynard, Hollywood; the Holy Spirit is finding in me. And that my friends, brings me to my knees. Where do I get off finding myself superior to others because they aren’t as righteous as I? Good one, Em.

SO now what? The Holy Spirit has focused my attention on Psalm 103. I remember how my life was once stuck in a pit of destruction, but how He “redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with love and compassion.” I remember that “the Lord works righteousness and justice for ALL the oppressed.” I remember that He is “compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” And that doesn’t just reach me. It far surpasses myself, and it even goes further than those I have criticized. I am so thankful that God is greater than my critical attitude. His love and hope for the broken goes beyond my small mind.

Criticism has become an “ordinary activity” for the modern Christian. We need to be reminded that nothing good comes from it. We must heed the words of the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 4 to not allow any unwholesome talk come from our mouths. Moreover, to think on what is lovely and pure (Philippians 4:8) So I conclude with another quote from Oswald Chambers and it brings so much wisdom, “The Holy Spirit is the only one in the proper position to criticize, and He alone is able to show what is wrong without hurting and wounding.” God is so good.  

All you need is a little GTL

By Vanessa Shepherd

After months of planning and a few days of non-stop prepping, I was on my way to what I knew would be an incredible party with friends.  I had thrown my fair share of showers before (seriously… a ton) but this one was different because it was MINE!  Knowing that most of my friends still resided in Roseville, where I had spent the majority of my life until having moved an hour away the year prior, I was sure to see many faces that I missed dearly.  Faces of the people I had shared many great memories and laughs with.  Faces of the people that I had led and even served alongside in ministry that had become a great deal to mine and my family’s life.  Faces of the people who would jump at the opportunity to celebrate with me that we were expecting our second child.  I was so very excited to see those faces!

I pulled up to my mother’s house and began to unload the mass amount of ingredients, game supplies, prizes, and anything else I could fit in from my car.  It wasn’t an ideal situation but I hadn’t wanted to put anyone out therefore deciding that throwing it myself would be easiest for those unable to travel… an hour… to the shower that would be thrown for me in Stockton.  I made homemade caramel popcorn, set up the living room, hung the decorations and waited as my friends would show.  I had sent out over thirty invites, possibly even closer to forty, and now I waited… and waited… and waited.

Four.  That’s how many people showed up.  Four. 

I knew asking them to drive an hour would be a stretch but driving ten minutes across town, I never imagined that it would also be too much to ask for.  I left that night feeling the loneliest I had in years.  And that one hour drive home felt like an eternity as I stared into the darkness, tears rolling down my face.

It wasn’t a new feeling for me, being alone. No one showed up for my senior band night.  No one showed up for my senior awards night.  I had no one show up so many times in life and although there were four of us there, it felt the same.  It felt like no one wanted to show up. I wasn’t worth an evening, or an afternoon, or an hour, or even a ten minute drive.  I wasn’t worth it.

As I pulled up to my house, knowing that Rich was expectantly waiting to hear every detail inside, something I never expected to- happened.  The pastor’s wife that we had served under for five years in Roseville called me.  We had only had a handful of conversations up until that point and it came at a real surprise to look down and see her number on my phone. I tried my best to pull myself together- to fake that I was strong enough, that I wasn’t bothered- and then I answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi Vanessa.  Tiffany came home and told me how upset she was that only a few people showed up today.” 

“Yea, it was a hard day.”

“Well I just want you to know that sometimes because of your position in ministry; people think that everyone will show up so no one does.”

I sat in the garage for a long time as she talked with me about how many times throughout the years she had experienced similar things, that people simply wouldn’t think their “showing up” would be missed. Because you are in ministry, because you are a pastor, it’s thought that you don’t need them as much.  That no matter how much you give and are “there” for others, sometimes you will still find yourself sitting in a barren room wondering why you aren’t worth it.

You may not have had the exact same experience as I had that day, but I can guarantee that you have at one time or another felt the same way I had.  Maybe you stumbled upon some pictures of a party you were never invited to.  Or overheard some friends still laughing at the inside jokes from the weekend you weren’t a part of.  Or looked into the stands at a sporting event you were playing in to find no one had showed up to cheer you on.  It is a terrible feeling. 

Sitting in that empty room it wasn’t some grand gesture that I so desperately wanted; but someone to share in my happiness, to get excited with me, to laugh about the crazy things that would undoubtedly lie ahead. I wanted someone to understand that just “being there” was not only enough, but exactly what I needed. Instead, I was alone… invisible.  So what do you do when you feel invisible to the world?  Here’s a hint… GTL. (And not the GTL you may be thinking of, but the kind that actually changes things.) 

1. Guard Your Heart   (Proverbs 4:23)

…which can pretty much be the first point of any answer… for any topic.  Yes.  It is THAT important.

By guarding your heart you are making a mindful attempt to allow and/or not allow thoughts to become beliefs.  Trust me in this, Disney has it all wrong, DO NOT (under any circumstance) follow your heart.  It is a fickle organ that is “deceitfully wicked” at times!  And while we are on the “do not’s”, here are a few more…  DO NOT focus on the completely irrational thoughts that creep in while you are most vulnerable.  DO NOT allow bitterness or anger to change your thoughts toward any person for any reason.  And absolutely DO NOT take it personal.  It wasn’t a deliberate statement, about you or your worth, it was simply an assumption.  A terribly false assumption.  However, the real injustice is not how they assumed that showing up wouldn’t matter but how you translated it to mean that you didn’t.

2. Talk About It   (Matthew 18:15)

…not to just anyone, but to the person who caused you pain in the first place.  Conversations with anyone else (unless seeking advice) would be nothing more than gossip.

Most friend-splitting arguments are started well before any words are exchanged or even spoken.  An incident happens, an offense is made, and we decide to push it under the rug until the overly stuffed rug is too massive to ignore. Then BAM… huge argument leads to an end to the friendship you held onto so dearly for years.  Instead of refusing to confront the hard issues, afraid of what they will think if you, in fact, were affected by their actions, make the decision that your friendship is worth more than pretending those situations don’t hurt.

3. Love By Example  (Proverbs 10:12)

…which is exactly what Jesus did.  No need to search for hours in the scripture, it is that simple.  Just love.

There have been many times in life where I would receive an invitation and without skipping a beat think to myself, “well they didn’t show up to my party, why should I go to theirs? They wouldn’t even know if I showed up.”  And the truth is, yes, you may be just another face in a very large crowd. Yes, you may even go unnoticed for an entire evening.  And yes, you may find it a total bore or complete waste of your time.  But what if no one showed up?  What if your face was the difference between someone feeling completely invisible or finally seen?  What if that one day was in fact the most important day?  What if we loved like Jesus commanded us to, not repaying evil for evil but chose instead to rise above and do the right thing?  What if?  Would it have made the difference if they were the ones deciding to show up for you?

Some days we will be overlooked, taken advantage of, and underappreciated.  Some days we will feel two inches tall.  And while I am not suggesting that you allow people to walk all over you, I am suggesting that you stop allowing their actions to destroy your security.  You ARE worth it.  Your worth is not found in the words or actions of others. It was already decided upon by the one action of God sacrificing His Son when He looked at you and declared you to be “worth it”. End of story. And as far as what happened after that baby shower… well, I learned to appreciate when friends would make the time to drive out to see us, and not let it affect me so much when they didn’t.  Not to say I have perfected it, but I don’t want to punch anyone when I see them weeks later… so I’d say that’s progress.

1 Thessalonians 5:15

See that none of you repays another with evil for evil, but always aim to show kindness and seek to do good to one another and to everybody.

PS My friend Tiffany was not only one of the four who showed up to that baby shower in Roseville, but also took the time to drove to the shower in Stockton a month later. We have kept in contact all this time even with our move to Central Cal and hers to Oregon; our friendship has spanned almost ten years now, which is the longest I have had the privilege of calling someone “friend”.  True story.  She is the perfect example of just “being there”, and has been to many events when few others showed up.  She is a gentle reminder for me of God’s goodness in our pain and I cherish her deeply.