To be or not to be...

For those who haven't read my blog from last week this first part might be a little confusing, but to those who are aware of our current situation I wanted to let you know that we got news today.  At our follow up ultrasound the baby showed no growth or heart beat.  Not exactly what I thought we would hear.  Deep breaths, Vanessa, deep breaths.   I will go in for more blood tests to make sure of what the doctors already believe to be true in their hearts, we miscarried.  This is now the hardest part, waiting for my body to recognize that the baby is no longer growing and allowing it to pass through my system.  I cannot tell you what sadness and relief will come on that day to know that it is really over, but I can assure you that God is still good.

 

I believe with all of my heart that God has, and will continue to, work this for not only our good, but hopefully for the good of those who down the road will go through similar situations.  If you can find anything in this blog I hope that it is comfort.

 

I wanted to take a minute to encourage you, whoever you are, that are also going through a tough season- whatever it may be.  Allow yourself to feel.  Have a feeling.  Embrace that feeling.  And then let it go.  The bible says to "be angry but sin not".  If these words are separated then the actual emotion of anger is not sin. Neither is sadness. Or mourning.  Or concern.  Or any other emotion that you may feel.  So feel it.  It's ok to cry, and boy don't I know it.  But at the end of your tear fest (which I have known too well this past week), pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and tell yourself that this feeling will not control you.  So when does anger or sadness turn to sin?  When we start to doubt, speak ill of others, gossip, allow hate or bitterness to enter or heart, or any other thing that the bible speaks of.  But believe me, you can get angry without doing any of those things!  And shoot fire, I'm ANGRY!

 

You HAVE emotions, but you don't have to BE them.  We have the reaction of anger when circumstances (or people) come against us but we choose to allow it to turn into hatred.  We have the reaction of sadness when bad news comes, but we choose to allow it to consume our lives and turn into full blown depression.  But if this is true, so is the opposite.  Something can bring me joy, but it is my choice to live happy.  I choose to BE happy.  Yes, I may be heartbroken, yes I may even take a day or two to grieve (or throw some rocks at a wall- don't judge me, Jesus flipped over tables when he got angry), but I will still choose to be happy because it is my choice. 

 

So friend... let's choose... choose to speak faith, choose to keep our head up, choose to keep trusting our God who is always faithful.  I don't understand- but that's ok- I still trust. I still have faith.  I am still happy.  To be or not to be (happy), its up to you.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;