With All of my Heart

Every mother has a catch phrase that she tells her kids from time totime.  My mom’s was “You’re my favorite,but don’t tell the other kids”.  Ofcourse she did this to all of us- more times than not right in front of myother siblings- but it still made us feel special.  I have found my own recently.  From the time my boys were small I have toldthem that I loved them “with all of my heart”. I never thought anything of it, never thought that they would rememberme by this, until my four year old recently developed this wonderful game outof it.  The way it works is this, wheneverI say “I love you with all of my heart” he replies with “I love you with all ofmy [insert funny body part or bodily function here]”.   We go back and forth with this for as longas we have funny things to say and it always ends the same, with us laughingand Michael looking into my face and saying “Mom, I love YOU with all of myheart”.  It’s my most favorite thing todo these days with this boy that no longer fits in my lap to cuddle.

 

In one of our last bouts of playing “I love you with all of my…”Michael came up with my favorite one yet. I had just said something silly like “I love you with all of my earwax”when out of nowhere he comes back with “I love you with all of my BACK HAIR”.  Really child, back hair?   Ihaven’t laughed that hard in a long time. You see, I am one quarter Lebanese and my child (who is only one eighth)has picked up many of the genes from my grandmother’s side.  He has olive skin tone, was born with thickblack hair, and has more hair on his body than I believe most men my age have.  Most four year olds would never have thoughtto insert this little gem into our game, because it is foreign to them- but notfor my son!  Let me tell you, this childhas… back…hair…!  And I suppose he has meto thank for that.

 

When I was in seventh grade there was one particular day after gymclass that I remember a couple of boys calling me monkey girl.  Of course they were referring to my dark,long hair arm and ears that stuck out more than a giraffe’s neck, or at leastthat’s what it felt like.  I wentstraight to the bathroom and cried until my next class.  I had never felt so embarrassed and ashameduntil that moment.  I knew I had morehair than the other girls, and I knew that my ears stuck out but I didn’t wantanyone else to notice that.  When I camehome from school that day the first thing that I did was to take out my razorand shave all of that arm hair off.  Mymom had always told me not to because it would grow back thicker and darker,but in that moment I didn’t care.  I didn’twant to ever hear again that I looked like an animal.  I didn’t want to be monkey girl anymore!  I wouldwear my hair down and shave my arms and that would be the end of it.

 

When Michael referred to his back hair, I laughed at first… and then... Istopped.  I stopped because somethinginside of me was afraid that one day someone would look at him and call himnames.  Cause him to believe that therewas something wrong with him.  My heartwas saddened because I love this boy WITH ALL OF MY HEART and I would neverwant him to be embarrassed by any part of him. And if that day comes when someone tries to hurt him because theythemselves are hurting, I pray that he remembers our little game.  That I not only love him with the bestqualities, but with the most embarrassing ones as well.  I love him with my awkward ears because withthem I can hear what he needs to say to me. I love him with my giant front teeth because they help me eat the sandwichesthat he makes for me.  I love him with my“toe thumbs” because with them I can rub his very hair back when he says he’shurt it falling off of his bed.  I lovehim with not just part of me, I love him with ALL of me.

 

Sometimes I think we hinder ourselves from a close relationship withGod because we are embarrassed that if He gets too close then He will discoversomething about us that isn’t so pleasant. When the bible says in Luke 10:27 to “love the LORD your God with all your heart,all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind” it is saying to us thateven with the not so beautiful areas. Even when your mind is full of hateful thoughts, even when you’ve lostall strength to fight back, even when you’ve lost faith in yourself and in God,even in those times we were stillcreated to love Him with ALL.  It isn’tshocking to God.  He knows.  He knows and He still loves you.  You are not hidden from Him no matter how hardyou try.  I love how a great mentor ofmine put it; he said “you can’t cause God to stop loving you, because you didn’tdo anything to cause Him to start loving you”. He just does. 

 

Somy challenge for you is this- love God with all.  Don’t hold back.  Be honest about where you are failing andwavering, it doesn’t scare Him.  No onehas it all together.  Life is hard andmessy and ever-changing, but we serve a God who isn’t.  You can trust Him... with all.

 

 

Psalm 118:1

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.