Here I Am to Worship

By Mikayla Moore

About eleven years ago my family and I received the unfortunate news that my grandpa had a stomach anurism and was being put in the hospital so we packed up and made the short trip to go visit him. I was only four at the time and didn't realize the severity of the situation, and I wouldn't until years later. 

All I knew was that my family was hurting. 

I remember watching my parents and other family members cry and cry in the waiting room; I didn't know what else to do but try to make them smile. And if that didn't work, I ended up crying, too. Later we found out that the blood flow to my grandpa's left leg was being clogged. This is when I knew things were getting worse. More tears were flowing, and more prayers were being said. 

My grandpa was left with a choice. He could have his leg amputated and live, or keep his leg and most likely die. There was a weight in his hospital room, and it seemed to follow us everywhere we went. It was very seldom that I remember seeing a smile from any of my family, let alone my grandfather. 

Finally he made a decision, he would have his leg amputated. With his decision, even more tears were shed, and more prayers were said. A few days before the procedure would be done, we were in his hospital room and I stood up. I told my beloved grandpa that I wanted to sing for him. I knew just what I wanted to sing. It was my all time favorite song at the time, I knew every word, and even had hand motions made up. The song was called Here I Am To Worship. I performed it "a cappella" often for special occasions (such as on Easter, or Christmas, or whenever the cameras were rolling). 

With permission, I stood up, and began to perform my well rehearsed song. I watched as a smile seemed to run across each person in the rooms face. At the time I wanted to sing this song to give my grandpa a reason to smile. What I didn't know then was, it did so much more then that. 

My parents were recently talking about that day, and how when I began to worship it was like a weight was lifted off of the place. 

And joy was spread around the room.

Now eleven years have passed and my grandpa had adapted to living with only one leg and was doing well. But lately, within the last few years his health began to decline again. A few weeks ago my mom came home and informed my family and I that because of his declining health, he was being put in a nursing home so he could have professional care until he was strong enough to return home. My mom, my little sister, and I packed up from California, and got on a flight to Indiana as soon as we could to visit him. 

When we walked into his room for the first time I felt a deep sadness come over me. I had pictured the man who, not so long ago rode around the block on his motor scooter while my brother and I rode behind him in our little red wagon, connected to him by a rope. 

But that's not what I saw. 

I saw a man lying in a bed, who couldn't even sit up. There was oxygen connected to him, and intimidating tubes connected to his bed. I greeted him and leaned over his bed in order to give him a hug. 

One thing hadn't changed, the scruff of his beard still tickled my cheek. 

When asked how he was doing, he just said, "I'm doin' ". I figured it had just been a tiring day. But then it seemed to be a pattern, every time someone would call, or come to visit him that's what he would say. And he would only smile on occasion. One night he had a lot of visitors. It seemed the whole family had come up. But they were all out in the lobby and only a few of us were actually in the room with him at the moment. We sat quietly and watched the television as my Grandpa quickly flipped through the channels, it seemed this was his routine. But suddenly he stopped on a channel that was playing an old Gathers concert. Many people would think this is cheesy sounding, old school gospel music. But it's my grandpa's favorite. I watched him as he stared at the TV for a few seconds until his eyes closed and he clutched the remote with his right hand and held it up in the air. Soon I heard him humming very loudly to the song. I think everyone in the room was watching him. I saw a tear glisten at the corner of his eye, and suddenly, I felt my eyes well up with tears. 

The familiar weight in the room was lifted, and the sadness was turned into peace. I began to cry as I listened to my grandpa who I love so much hum along to the songs and worship God in his hospital bed. 

This experience has made me realize the importance of worshiping God although it may seem literally impossible. My grandpa has the exact same view everyday in his hospital bed. The only things that change in his day are the weather he sees outside the window, the TV channels, and the food. I can only imagine how hard it must be for him to wake up every morning and try to see the positive side and worship God. 

Worshiping God isn't just through singing and raising our hands in church. We are supposed to worship Him in all that we do. Even if it seems that everything around us is negative, we are supposed to. Because at least in my own life, I've seen that when I take a minute to step back and worship God, I begin to feel much better about my situation, and about life in general. 

It is through worship that the weight and heaviness of life is lifted. So if life has been weighing you down, confining you to a place of hurt or pain without any change in sight, simply close your eyes and sing a familiar song to God. 

Worship changes everything.

Psalm 95:6

"O come, let us worship and bow down, 

let us kneel before the Lord our Maker 

[in reverent praise and supplication]."

Psalm 96:4

"For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise..."

If you are "in the middle of a storm"
be encouraged by this song...
"Praise You in this Storm" by Casting Crowns

Cover by  Marissa Martinez