It's time we talk about suicide...

It’s time we talk about suicide.  It’s time we talk about it now instead of when it is too late.   In the next 24 hours almost 1,500 students will end their life.  I’ve put this heavy subject off for a while thinking it may scare a few readers away but it’s time.

 

Our first year as being youth pastors I was a bit young and naïve.  The youth group where we pastored was filled with students I myself had gone to school with, I being only two years their senior.  That year was full of curveballs and life lessons, each taken with a grain of salt.  I most often failed but knew that giving up would be so much worse than pressing on- so I pressed on.  During that first year, and the many to follow, we have faced a lot of intense issues dealing with students.  Death, drug addiction, teenage pregnancy, sexual abuse, and many more but nothing hit me harder than this one little word… suicide. 

 

There was a high school literally right across the street from our church.  That first year we served as pastors a young girl at that school took her own life.  Have you ever heard news so shocking that it literally took your breath away; as if the act of breathing had somehow changed from an involuntary response to something you had to tell your body to do to keep from falling over- in and out, in and out.  This isn't something that happens to people you know or in the city you live.  This happens to people you read about in the papers or watch on the news, but not here not now.  Could I have done anything to keep this from happening?  Could I have taken the five minutes to walk across the street?  If I had, would I have even run into her?  Would I notice her withdrawn posture, the loneliness in her eyes?  Would I have offered to sit next to her and be a friend?  Would I have listened to how the hope had left from her conversation? Could I?  Would I?

 

Last week’s blog was on regret, and this my dear friends is one of the greatest regrets I have.  I know it is a little on the absurd side to think that I would have stumbled upon her and our conversation would have led to her being with us today- but that’s the thing about regret, it always exaggerates.  It keeps us captive inside our “could haves” or “should haves” until we ourselves realize that we’ve stopped moving forward with our own lives.

 

We can’t fix it, we can’t change it, but we can be better because of it. 

 

Judas was one of the twelve disciples.  When I think of this I cannot keep from thinking that he had eleven friends he had done life with for three years.  They traveled together.  Prayed together.  Experienced miracles together.  Sat at the feet of Jesus together.  So how did this man go from a friend and disciple, to betrayer and regret-ridden hopeless man that took his own life? 

 

He had made a huge mistake and his friends deserted him.  Can I just take a minute to say that we all make mistakes.  We can say all we want that sin is equal, and it is- but only in the eyes of God.  In the eyes of man, unfortunately, it is so very unequal. 

 

Judas had betrayed the very man that had brought them all together and instead of forgiving his sin and reaching out a loving hand, they forsook him and turned their backs to flee. (Matthew 26:56) Friend-less.  Judas runs to the chiefs to try and undo what he had done only to have them respond in sarcasm, “what is that to us?” (Matthew 27:4)  Hope-less.  Judas forgets the words of Jesus in the garden, that it “must happen” (Matthew 26:54) so that the “scriptures may be fulfilled” (Matthew 26:56) and decides to end his life.  Purpose-less. 

 

If he had waited just a few weeks, Judas would have seen that his one act of betrayal was only the beginning of our beautiful redemption through Jesus Christ.  Just a few weeks.  But he was friendless, purposeless, and hopeless.  Friendless.  Purposeless.  Hopeless.

 

Girls, I share my stories with you and point out scriptures such as these so that by it we don’t feel the burden to fix it or change it, but be better because of it. 

 

Fight to be a friend.  A real friend doesn’t walk away when mistakes are made, fight for your friendship even if the one you are fighting against is yourself.  Were you hurt?  Betrayed? Forgive them.  It will probably change your relationship, but don’t abandon them! Knowing Judas would betray Him, Jesus still called him “Friend” (Matthew 26:50). 

 

Offer them hope.  No one needs their failures shoved in their face.  Believe me, they haven’t forgotten about them.  It is probably all they've thought about.  If you are to offer anything offer hope. 

 

Remind them of their purpose.  Over and over in the Bible we find that God has a unique purpose for us all and it is not something that gets thrown to the wayside when we sin.  We are still worthy.  Still called. 

 

If you know someone battling depression or suicide be "FOR" them-  Fight to be a friend, Offer them hope and Remind them of their purpose. 

 

And if you are someone who is struggling with it yourself, let me be your friend!  Don't give up, press through.  You have purpose and there is hope!  I know life gets hard sometimes, I know it seems all so very overwhelming but there are brighter days ahead.  I promise you, as one who has been where you are now, it gets better.  God has great things in store for you, just hold on.

 

 

 

 

 

Hebrews 6:18-19

¹⁸ So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. ¹⁹ This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.

I should have helped

At the end of 2013, my husband and I had an “open house” night for students, friends, and family to say their goodbyes before we moved to Visalia, CA.   It was an emotional night to say the least but it was full of love and laughter.  When things had started to wind down, I noticed Rich had a certain look in his eye.  I hadn’t seen this look in quite a while.  It wasn’t anything you’d expect on a night like this.  It wasn’t sadness, although you can be sure that there was sadness in the room.  It wasn’t love, although there was much of that also.  No… it was the eye of someone who was planning something both great and horrific.  A particular young girl had been provoking Rich all night, all year really at the youth group, and the prankster that he had made dormant for many years was about to rear its ugly head.

 

I am not one for pranks, I feel way too bad afterward, but my husband on the other hand is the king.  He’s done some pretty extreme things in years past (nothing that was unprovoked, would harm another person and all in good fun) and that night wouldn’t disappoint.  

 

After dumping two giant cups of freezing cold water on her, a few guys had wrestled her out the front door and locked it behind her; Rich of course waiting in the front yard with a hose to spray her down.  And spray her down he did.  She was SOAKED.  It made for a lot of laughs and some great memories but the thing that caught me off guard the most did not come from my husband at all, it came from my little five year old. 

 

Hearing the commotion Michael had put on his Spiderman costume and ran into the room screaming “Super-Michael is here”.  Upon seeing the boys wrestle the girl out the door; Michael turned back and ran into my bedroom where I later found him hiding behind my bed.   When I realized that he was hiding I crouched down to see what was wrong and all he kept saying was “I should have helped her”. 

 

My heart was filled with sadness, looking into the eyes of my son who was so full of regret that he had to hide.  I never want him to feel that way again but I know that it is a part of life.

 

When I was a sophomore in high school I was invited to junior prom with a boy that had been a mutual friend of friends for many years.  It was a great night; I got dressed up, did the typical “I’ll have a salad” for dinner at the nice restaurant, and away we went to the school to take pictures and stand awkwardly to the side like most sheltered horrified introverted girls my age.  At the end of the night I faked feeling ill so he’d take me home, and I went to bed.  Super exciting I know.

 

Just one year later, this boy had become more of a friend.  We weren’t incredibly close but he was really nice and such a gentlemen.  The night of his graduation he stayed up all night and never woke up the next day.  I remember hearing the news saying to myself, “I should have asked if he knew God, I had spent enough time with him that I should have asked.”

 

For weeks I beat myself up, he was gone and I would never have another chance.

 

I share these two stories with you for a few reasons.  Often times we act like Michael did the night of our party.  We see an injustice happening, get ourselves all ready, pump ourselves up with tons of scriptures, and then seeing the magnitude of the situation- we run and hide, only to recite a list of I should have’s later on.  Even if we contribute in a small amount to the situation we never call it enough.  I should have… I should have…

 

We are human, we fail… A LOT.  Think of Judas, he walked with Jesus for 3 years and ended up betraying Him in the garden for thirty pieces of silver.  In Matthew 27 we find Judas full of remorse, bringing the pieces of silver back to the chief priests in hopes of finding some way, begging to find any way, to undo what he had done.  Can you imagine the regret that was in his heart?  The thoughts of “I should have” that plagued him?  It was so unbearable that Judas realizing he couldn’t take it back took his own life.

 

If you have walked through a situation that left you full of “I should have’s” then I have three things to say to you…

 

Can you change it? Is it possible for you to travel back in time and change what was done?  No.  It is with great sadness that we must conclude that everything that we do cannot be taken back.  We can’t change what was done.  We can’t go back and encourage instead of bully, speak up instead of keeping silent, say no instead of saying yes, go to church instead of going to the party… or even help instead of hide from the girl about to be doused in water.  I can’t go back in time and ask my friend if he knew God, ask if he had a relationship with Him.  With everything in me I wish that I could.  But we can’t.  Judas knew this all too well.

 

Can you fix it?  Is there something you can do to help bring restoration to the situation?  Maybe.   For me, there is nothing I can do because my friend is gone but for most of you there is something you can do.  You can apologize if there’s someone to apologize to, or seek help and accountability.  For you lucky few there is definitely no way to change it but there may be a way to fix it.  And if there is… DO IT!!!  But understand that some things will not and can not be fixed despite your best efforts.  It doesn’t mean that you don’t try, even if it is never enough for the other person- try anyway.  Judas tried to fix it, tried to give the silver back but it wasn’t enough to save Jesus from being beaten, mocked and crucified on the cross. 

 

Can you be better because of it?  Is there a lesson to learn that you can decide within yourself that from here on out you will be different?  YES!!! After attending my friend’s funeral I knew that I was not anyone’s Savior, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t reach out to my friend’s.  I started bringing friends to church and talking to people about God.  Not in a preachy way, where I felt the burden to see them all accept Christ.  No, I understood that I was just a vessel for God to use and I would live my life in a way that brought Him glory.  And if He did open a door for me to use words, I took it.  I knew I couldn’t change what happened, and I couldn’t fix it, but I could be better because of it. 

 

I wish that Judas could have understood this too.  If he had, he would have lived long enough to see Jesus come back from the dead and make a way for us all to live with Him in eternity.  He was so plagued by his past that he deprived himself of a future.

 

If you are reading this and you are struggling with an “I should have” of your own, I beg of you to let it go.  You can’t change it, you can try to fix it, but you can and WILL be better because of it.  Press on.  Forgive yourself and press on.  Tomorrow is a brighter day. 

 

 

Acts 2:25-26

²⁵ King David said this about him: ‘I see that the Lord is always with me.
    I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. ²⁶ No wonder my heart is glad,
    and my tongue shouts his praises! My body rests in hope.

 

 

**Regret is the great thief of joy, but hope will restore it back to you.**

 

 

Resolution for Resolutions

It is already nine days into the New Year and I have yet to find a moment to sit down and write out some goals for this next year.  For me, the most time consuming part of the whole process is not thinking of things I want to accomplish.  Not even close… I have lists with their own lists of things I want to do.  No, I think we all know what we want to do, I think the hardest part of moving on and dreaming again for what could be is letting go of what has been.  I have heard it said that “you enter the next relationship how you left the last one”.  It’s true, and not just in relationships but in all things.  Life especially.  Before you can make resolutions you must find resolution. 

 

In the short 365 days of last year there were highs and lows, trials and triumphs, questions and answers, hello’s and farewell’s, goals accomplished and goals forgotten, things you never want to remember and things you never want to forget.  So much life lived and things experienced, all working in one way or another for our benefit.  But it’s time now to lay it to rest.  My friend, it’s time.  There are big things on the horizon that can only be achieved once we’ve said farewell to 2013… So here it is, my farewell…

 

This may age me a bit, but there used to be a very popular show called “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?”  (Can I sidebar a moment and just say, who is saying “no” to this question?  You can help a lot of people… and buy a lot of shoes… with that kind of money!)  If you aren’t familiar with this TV show, let me help you to imagine what it was like.  Imagine taking a multiple choice test that ranged from “my little sister would know this answer” to “I must have missed this section in my pointless knowledge class”, all while under a time limit, oh yea and in front of the whole world.  No pressure.  Test anxiety, schmest anxiety.  Think Jeopardy but with only one contestant who sits in a chair with a spotlight shining down on it like during a police interrogation.  Ain’t nobody got time for that!

 

The only bright spot of the whole show were these three wonderful options in case you got stuck (which in my case would be on question 2).  There was the poll the audience option, the fifty fifty, or the phone a friend.  PHONE A FRIEND!  I don’t know about you, but I have some friends amazingly gifted in the knowledge of random-facts in my phone.  Like for instance, my sister.  She’ll pull little jewels of useless knowledge out all the time.  Like did you know that a woman who wears lipstick eats about eight pounds of it every year?  I did.  I can thank my sister for that!  This option is my favorite on the show but you can only use it once… bummer!  Once you call a friend you must continue on with the rest of the questions without their help.   

 

I am sure that if I called a friend on question 2, that I would seriously be kicking myself once I reached questions 7 or 8.  If I reached question 7 or 8, let’s be honest.  But it isn’t the fault of my friend.  It is part of the game.  I can get mad or frustrated but it will do me no good.  That question is over, they gave me the best help they could offer, and now it is time to move on.  Time to let it go.

 

And here comes the point of my taking time to describe to you a such an outdated TV show… That level (2013) is done with.  It’s time to let it go.  God brought people into your life to help you in one way or another to get through and for some reason if they didn’t make it to this New Year, be thankful for the time you shared and move on.   You are that much further in life because of them.  You have that many more funny stories to tell and memories to share with the future grandkids because of them.  You learned a few lessons and gained some wisdom because of them.  Whatever the reason this next level of life doesn’t include them; don’t get so caught up on your hurt that you forget about the good times.  Life is a journey and not everyone can stick around for the whole thing.  We are each on our own paths and sometimes we get the incredibly fortunate opportunity to share a portion of it with others, but when it’s just us it doesn’t mean that somebody “missed it” or “left us”- it just means that it’s a new level and their time with us is done now.

 

So farewell, 2013.  Thank you for all you gave me- both the laughter and the tears.  I am a better person because of it.  Thank you.  But it’s time to move on now.  2014 is calling my name and I have to let you go.  I will always appreciate you and what you were in my life, but no matter how present I wish you to be, you will always be my past.  No hard feelings.  Really.  It was a great year, I wish you the best. 

 

 

 

 

Philippians 3:12-14

¹² I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. ¹³ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.