I have to do it myself

Standing toe to toe with anger, offense, bitterness, betrayal, hurt, pain, loss or grief is nothing uncommon.  We do it several times a month, a day even, and when we aren’t the ones facing such issues it seems as though our friends are.  Difficulty is all around us, and no one is out of its destructive reach.

 

Through the many struggles of life we are faced with a decision, a choice that can only and will only be made by none other than ourselves… a decision that will alter our present and inevitably change our futures.  The battle we are facing is ours to fight, only ours, but the outcome will affect many.  So we decide, we choose, to do battle.  We choose to put on our gloves and confront the very issue that plagues us.  No one can carry us through; we have to do it ourselves.

 

Reflecting on the past few weeks I have had with many dear friends in the midst of their own storms, I have felt a bit at a loss.  Helpless.  Like I could do nothing to fix or change their circumstances.  I want to swoop in and be the hero, make everything right again, but I can’t.  The only thing that is within my ability to do is to pray for God to intercede and then take a front row seat to their victory… and in some cases their defeat. 

 

Some people will choose unforgiveness, some people will choose hatred, some people will choose revenge, some people will choose destructive behaviors that carry them further and further into the darkest of seas… and I have a front row seat.

 

Well my friends, I can't do it anymore.  I need to do something... anything!

 

When God called Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt he wasn’t just asking him to lead them on a long walk.  He was asking Moses to fight against every enemy that would come against them, and there were many.  He was asking Moses to look beyond their sin, look beyond their complaining, look beyond their rebellion, and fight for them.  Fight for them because he was the only one who was promised victory.  He was the only one. 

 

In Exodus 17:8-16 we find Moses instructing Joshua to lead the army to battle as he would stand on Mt. Sinai with his arms raised.  This was how God instructed Moses that they would win; Joshua would fight and Moses would stand with his hands to the heavens.  At first glance it sounds like Moses got the better end of the staff, so to speak, but have you ever tried holding your arms up for any length of time?  I have… it was one of our punishments as kids.  We had to stand in a corner with our hands above our heads… and it stinkin’ hurts!  As long as Moses’ hands were up, they would win… but he got tired as anyone would, and his arms that once weighed only a few pounds now felt like he was carrying the literal weight of the world and as they sank lower to the ground the armies sank lower to their enemy. 

 

Only Moses’ hands would earn their victory.  Only his.  Aaron (Moses’ brother) could do no good with his arms flailing in the air begging for God to give the battle to him, it was not his battle to fight.  But reading further into scripture we find that Aaron could do something.  He could do one thing.  He could hold up the arms of Moses.  He could support him.  Because even though Moses had to do it himself, he did not have to do it alone.

 

So if you are facing a battle of your own, find a friend to help hold your arms up; someone who will support you no matter their personal opinions, someone who will challenge you to keep doing right when you get tired and weak, someone who will remind you to think and speak the Word over your situation, and someone who will stand with you believing God for your victory.

 

And if it isn’t you that is facing the storm, find a friend who is.  Be the one to decide that while you can do nothing but “be there”, that “being there” is enough.

 

Because while we have to do it ourselves, we don’t have to do it alone.

 

Philippians 1:27

Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven,
conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ.
Then, whether I come and see you again or only hear about you,
I will know that you are standing together with one spirit and one purpose,
fighting together for the faith, which is the Good News.

 

 

 

 

How did I get here?

With Father’s Day being this past weekend I was so thankful to have been in Northern California to celebrate my amazing Dad.  I can honestly say that I am who I am today because of him.  Yes, genetics plays a huge role in that, but my dad genuinely cares for people in the most sacrificial of ways and I know that I am a better youth pastor because of his example.  Being a few hours away now I wanted this day to be extra special so I tried to think of what he likes… and then it hit me; he enjoys homemade things but even more than that he loves surprises.  This of course gets a little tricky when you are trying to execute a plan while staying in his house with him around every corner.  In times like these it comes at a great benefit to be able to tell a complete believable lie… on the spot… with a straight face.  Not to say that this is a quality worth bragging about, but with all honesty I can say that I have only used my powers for good.

 

So here was the plan, we were going to surprise him at one of his favorite Mediterranean food spots and have a family dinner.  This could only be achieved with a few “stories” (because it sounds more Christ-like than lying) being told to him. 

 

Story #1- “I am baking cupcakes because someone found out I am in town and offered to pay me for them.” (When in reality they were for his special dinner)

 

Story #2- “Mom and Bethany need to run to the store to get a few more things for dinner.”

 

Story #3- “Since Mom and Beth are gone can you drive with me, Dad, so I can just run in to drop the cupcakes off without having to get Jake out of the car?” (This of course made way more believable due to the fact that Jake had been acting like his affectionate nickname- The Albino Terrorist- and my dad pitied me.)

 

Story #4- “We should stop by an ice cream shop and get a scoop while we are out… or better yet since Jake has had a ton of sugar, some hummus from Daphne’s!”

 

Story #5- “The girl is running late at her house so let’s stop for hummus first!”

 

The conclusion… My dad walking into the restaurant in a tank top (something he would never ever EVER wear to a dinner table), gazing at the menu, while all of my siblings and my mom are seated at a table complete with a fancy tablecloth and cheesy grins.  It was a glorious moment, I pulled it off.  I am the greatest liar ever!

 

Not braggingly of course.

 

And definitely not true.

 

That title, without question, is reserved for someone we all know too well.  He is the father of lies and sometimes like my dad we find ourselves stumbling into places completely unaware of the plans he has set out for us.  Have you ever had a moment of clarity and upon reflection of your life exclaimed, “how did I get here?”  How did I become this person?  How is this my life?  How have I come so far from God without even noticing?  This was never my dream, how did I get here?

 

I had a chance to meet up with a close friend of mine a few days ago and I heard those five words creep out of her mouth like a dark cloud creeps into a blue sky without warning.  It is one of the most heartbreaking things a person can hear, and even more heartbreaking to be the person saying it.  My heart was filled with sorrow and at that moment I wished more than anything that I could do something to help but I knew that all I could do was pray.  And so that’s what we did; we prayed.  And then as she left I continued to pray.  As I got halfway home I found myself still praying and even now as she crosses my mind I can’t hold back the prayers that fill my heart.  I want only the best for her and this was so far from it.  I had watched my friend so full of life and passion turn into a numb form of a woman, just trying to survive each day.  How did she get here?

 

And then I reflected on my past week staying with my parents.  Remembering the moments crying in a back room because the stress of my once do-no-wrong miracle baby had turned into a holy terror and all I wanted to do was sleep… for like twenty years… because I just couldn’t handle any more stress.  How did I get here?  How did I go from strong, capable, adaptable, woman to someone who hides from a two foot tall albino in a dark room?  How did I get here?

 

There are things both beyond our control and in it that have the power to guide us, and like a man without a map we find ourselves in the darkest of places that we were never intended to be.  It wasn’t God’s plan, and it surely wasn’t mine.  And while we may have not intended to be there, I can assure you my friend that someone did.  The bible says that “the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy you” (John 10:10).  He knows exactly which doors to open, what words to speak, and who to use to lead you to your very death.  He has a plan for your life, a sometimes glamorous but never fulfilling plan; like a mirage that you chase into the depths of a desert, only to find yourself alone and exhausted.  And even worse he can tell a completely believable lie… on the spot… with a straight face.  Just ask Eve, or Judas, or Peter… or anyone else for that matter!

 

I hate that the lies are so believable at first.  A dear friend of mine has always said that “the truth is so foreign because the lies are so familiar.”  The lies that steal our dignity, our worth, our dreams, our futures; the lies that slowly creep in and guide us into the darkest of places.  It won’t be fun.  It won’t be worth it.  It will hurt.   It is a big deal.  Whatever the lie… you will regret it, and you too will find yourself in a place of torment and loneliness saying “how did I get here?”

 

And if by chance you are in that place this is my prayer for you. I pray that you would find the “abundant life” that the Lord has planned for you (the response to the devil’s plans in John 10:10).  That you would learn to lean on and trust in Him to guide you back to a place of safety and security, a place where foundations never shake even during the strongest of storms.  That come Hell or high water you will choose to do the right thing and not just the easiest. That you walk in love and forgiveness toward others and yourself.  That you never forget that dark place and keep it as a reminder for when you are tempted to believe the lies again. 

 

That you never again have reason to say… “how did I get here?”

 

 

 

Psalm 91

¹ Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
    he is my God, and I trust him.
³ For he will rescue you from every trap
    and protect you from deadly disease.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers.
    He will shelter you with his wings.
    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
⁵ Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies in the day.
⁶ Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
    nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
⁷ Though a thousand fall at your side,
    though ten thousand are dying around you,
    these evils will not touch you.
⁸ Just open your eyes,
    and see how the wicked are punished.

⁹ If you make the Lord your refuge,
    if you make the Most High your shelter,
¹⁰ no evil will conquer you;
    no plague will come near your home.
¹¹ For he will order his angels
    to protect you wherever you go.
¹² They will hold you up with their hands
    so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
¹³ You will trample upon lions and cobras;
    you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

¹⁴ The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
    I will protect those who trust in my name.
¹⁵ When they call on me, I will answer;
    I will be with them in trouble.
    I will rescue and honor them.
¹⁶ I will reward them with a long life
    and give them my salvation.”