It Wasn't Me

I was 5 years old and sent to the corner because my sister and I were fighting.  (If you are unsure of what being sent to "the corner" is, then just picture staring at the spot where two walls meet for however long your parents take to cool down from your bad behavior)  While standing there I decided to scratch my name in the paint with my fingernail.  I was so proud of myself for spelling it correctly, and then the timer beeped- time to play again!  I ran into the room, acting as if nothing had happened and then I heard my mother's voice.  "VANESSA!  GET OVER HERE!"  I walk over and see her pointing to the corner where I had been standing.  "WHY DID YOU WRITE YOUR NAME IN THE CORNER?" She asked so politely (or at least we can pretend it was since she in fact reads my blog posts).  And I, being the best child of the four, responded with, "It wasn't me!".  Oh dear, what would possess me to say that?  I was the only one standing there.  For heaven's sake it was MY name!  But now that I have said it I am committed to it.  So I stuck with it, "Stephanie must have scratched my name in the corner to get me in trouble".  Yes, that must be it. 

 

Why is it that in moments of two very clear options, we pick telling a lie instead of the truth.  If we are proud of our actions while we are doing it, we may as well be proud of it when someone asks us to own up to it.  Take responsibility, Vanessa, take responsibility!  Of course I chose to do the wrong thing that day, and I won't reveal my punishment for it.  Mainly because I don't remember.  But I was punished, I can assure you of that! Now the reason I tell you this story is to lead up to another story that is not quite as funny.  A story that I am ashamed of but, you can guarantee, learned something from. 

 

As an eighth grader I was trying to find my place amongst fellow students.  I was an odd duckling.  I didn't really "fit in".  I was a part of the christian club on campus because I could find a common bond with others who had a belief in God, but I had no real relationsihp with Him.  They were announcing "See You At The Pole" coming up and I was sure to be there.  Students gathering around a flag pole to pray for their teachers, principals, friends, family, our nation, our churches and really anything else that came to mind.  I had been to them before, it wasn't my first rodeo.  So I got to school early that day, joined hands with the other students, prayed under my breath because I was too shy to speak out loud, and continued on with my day.  I was a part of the student government and during class one of the more popular seventh graders asked me what I was doing that morning.  I pretended to act confused.  He didn't buy it, and proceeded to ask more questions.  And then I said it.  "It wasn't me!"  I am sure he didn't believe me, but he let it go none-the-less. 

 

Have you read the story of Peter where he denied Christ three times.  I felt like that had just happened.  I denied Him.  I denied knowing anything about Him.  I don't know if you have ever experienced a time when someone has asked you about your faith and instead you brushed it off but it has to be one of the worst feelings.  Being in ministry we call those "open doors"- when people willingly open the door for you to speak about your faith.  But I didn't.  I didn't share my faith.  I pretended to not even know God. 

 

I am so thankful that God is so loving and forgiving.  Despite knowing we would deny Him, He still chooses to believe the best in us.  Really read the story of Peter, God didn't erase the plans He had for him because Peter denied knowing Jesus.  In fact, Peter went on to preach the gospel, see thousands of people come to faith in Christ, and through those millions more.  God never looks at our past to determine our future.  So students, tomorrow is another opportunity for See You At The Pole.  Show up to your school early, link arms with fellow students who are committed to their faith in God, and never back down from an open door.  The thought of being made fun of can be terrifying but you should care more about their need of a Savior than their rejection.  This world needs the God inside of YOU!  Be the answer!

 

 

2 Timothy 1:7

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity

(of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear),

but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love

and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

What NOT to wear!

How do you get dressed in the morning?  If it is anything like me you put on 10 different outfits, stand in front of the mirror and assess why it will or will not work.  Then you spend the rest of your day pulling and tugging at your clothing to make sure your “muffin top” doesn’t hang over your pants, or your shirt doesn’t hike up to kingdom come.  What is the purpose for clothing?  It is more than just expressing your creative fashion.  We wear clothes to accentuate things we like about ourselves, while covering up the things that we don’t like.  Clothing covers our nakedness and vulnerability.  Well, the right clothes anyway.

 

Have you ever seen “What not to wear”?  I used to watch it ALL the time because I had no style and I was trying to figure out how to dress my body type.  It’s actually quite fascinating to see how a different outfit can make a woman look (and feel) like a completely different person.  For instance… an ill-fitting coat, with baggy pants and an awful pair of sneakers are bound to make any lady (young or old) feel unattractive.  You may think to yourself, who would dress like that?!  And my answer would be, you do.  Maybe not physically, but spiritually and emotionally we all do.  We all grab for that coat of insecurity, those pants of loneliness and those shoes of gossip.  We may have it all together on the outside, but on the inside we are on the worst dressed list of the century.

 

I was reading the other day in Proverbs 31 about the "virtuous woman".  It says in verse 25 that "strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure".  Strength and dignity.  I wish with all of my heart that more often than not I would leave the unkind words, insecure thoughts, anxiety, fear, and depression inside of the closet and grab for the strength and dignity instead.  But what is strength?  What does it look like?  Is it being a bully or someone to be feared?  Or is true strength knowing who you are despite circumstances or situations.  Having the strength to stand in faith when everything is going unimaginably wrong.  Having the strength to stand by your convictions no matter what friends may think or say.  Having the strength to say no when things are heating up with a boyfriend.  Having the strength to call yourself out when you make a mistake.  Physical ability can be taken away but strength of character cannot be taken from you.  So be strong ladies, be strong. It is so uncommon to find women who keep their shoulders back, their heads up, and a smile on their face through good times and bad. But that is the very essence of strength and dignity, an assurance that God has everything under control no matter what is going on in your life.  Through highs and lows, success and failure- you were created to clothe yourselves with strength and dignity!

 

Every time you wake up in the morning and decide not to deal with the issues in your life that are not in line with the character of God, I hope you remember that it is the same as wearing an overstuffed coat that is covering your true beauty- the lady that you were created to be, the beauty that was meant to shine in this dark world.  And every day you go on wearing it, you are fooling yourself further into believing that you cannot change- this is you.  What a lie straight from the bottom of an empty pie plate.  The grudge holding, foul speaking, insecure and lonely shell of a being is not you- unless you choose for it to be you.   So rise above whatever situation or feeling you are going through, and choose to clothe yourself with strength and dignity instead.  You are better than this.  I am better than this.  I may have come a long way, but I still have a lot more ugly clothes to throw in the trash!  I hope you will join me in reclaiming today what was designed just for you to wear- STRENGTH AND DIGNITY!

 

 

Proverbs 31: 25-27

"²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is
strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day
or time to come, knowing that she and her family
are in readiness for it]! ²⁶ She opens her mouth in skillful

and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness
[giving counsel and instruction]. ²⁷ She looks well to
ow things go in her household, and the bread of idleness
(gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat."

The Benefits!

Have you ever worked a job (or for the students too young to work, gone to a school or played a sport) that offered killer benefits?  Not just medical benefits, although those are crucial when you have kids, but things that you may think are beneficial that others might not?  I had such a job...

 

When I was 18 years old I was hired to work at the front desk of a fancy salon in Rocklin.  It was minimum wage, with fluctuating weekly hours, and I was surrounded all day with beautiful women who had enough money to come every week for their nails or every month for their hair.  But let me tell you about the benefits...  I was able to get all salon products for half the price and paid a fraction of the cost whenever I wanted my hair done or eyebrows waxed.  IT WAS AMAZING!  Girls- you know what I am talking about.  It has only been recently that I have really missed that salon.  I miss the people, I miss the morning drives up the hill when the sun was rising, I miss getting dressed up everyday, and I miss- oh, how I miss- the ability to buy shampoo and conditioner that aren't found on Walmart shelves for under $5.  My hair misses those fancy products, it tells me every other day when I straighten it and I find more and more knots and split ends.  I miss the BENEFITS!

 

Last week when I posted, "Hello, my name was Nancy", there was this amazing scripture that was posted on the bottom that read "forget not all my benefits".  The more and more I went back and reread that post to make sure it was communicating precisely what I was feeling, the more I realized that the good things we remind ourselves of in the hard times are often connected with the "benefits".  (Let's just see how many times I can say that word in one post... not really, I just am at a loss for a different word to substitute in it's place).  In times of lonliness we remind ourselves that God is our friend that sticks closer than a brother (benefit), in times of weakness we remind ourselves that the Joy of the Lord is our strength (benefit), in times of hurt and bitterness we remind ourselves that we forgive because He first forgave us (benefit), in times of loss we remind ourselves that He is close to the brokenhearted (benefit), in times of busy-ness we remind ourselves that in Him we find true rest (benefit), in times of failure we remind ourselves that He was persecuted in our place so that we would not get what we truly deserve (benefit).  I could go on and on. 

 

What are you going through today?  What burden have you been carrying far too long?  FORGET NOT THE BENEFITS!  The benefit that He sent His Son to carry that for you, the benefit that He made a way to not only give you an eternal life but also a quality of life here, now.  So pick up that Bible, flip through it's promise-filled pages, and find the benefit that He has given you.  The one promise that will not only carry you but comfort you.  The one you can stand on, put your faith in, and speak out!  They are there girls (and boys).  They are there.  Whatever you are facing, whatever feeling that has overtaken your heart, search for the promise.  They were given to us for our benefit.

 

 

Romans 6:22

²² But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God,

the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

 

 

Hello, my name was Nancy

While cleaning house I like to turn on the TV so the boys don't get woken up from their nap early from the sound of the vacuum or their crazy mother falling off of a table reaching for a curtain... not that it has ever happened, but hypothetically if it did- they didn't wake up.  During one such cleaning session recently I overheard a commercial playing a song that I used to hear growing up and it took me back.  For that moment I felt like I was five years old again, without a responsibility or care in the world.  Then it happened again a few days ago, I turned on my parents television to put on some Saturday cartoons for Michael and the channel they had left it on was a music station and the song that was playing... only my one favorite song that I could sing from the time I could talk- "If you don't know me by now".  Don't judge me.  Isn't it crazy how a song, a sound, a smell, or a sight of something (yes, I may have purposefully found all "s" words for that) can bring you back in time to a memory that you may have stored away or forgotten.  How easily we forget. 

 

Too often in my teenage years I was a negative nancy, only thinking of how I "had it bad" because I was so focused on looking on the glass half empty.  Everyone has some memories that aren't so great, and some have a lot more of those memories than others but I can guarantee that if you change your focus you can find something positive.  It has been said, if you are looking for the negative you will find it and if you are looking for the positive you will find it.  So what are you looking for?  What are you focusing on?  The bible says that "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (Philippians 4:8)  It does not say- whatever is hurtful, whatever wrongdoing, whatever feelings of lonliness or abandonment, or whatever overwhelming circumstance.  We don't have to be told to think of these things, we already do.  At moments we don't just think of such things, we obsess over them.  Then obsessing turns into anxiety or even further depression.  So what do you do when life gets overwhelming?  Remind yourself of the good things. 

 

When your parents are fighting, reming yourself of the good things.  When you've tried your best and all it got you was a C-, remind yourself of the good things.  When your friends have all made plans that didn't include you, remind yourself of the good things.  When you fail bigtime, remind yourself of the good things.  Or, when it is 4 in the morning and the baby won't stop crying, remind yourself of the good things. 

It wasn't that long ago that our little guy was laying in a NICU bed, strapped to 3 different machines, and getting poked and prodded with needles every few hours with no end in sight.  It was in those times that all I wanted, the only thing that was getting me out of bed in the morning, was the hope that one day he would be home.  Crying or not, sleeping or not, just home.  And now when it is 4 in the morning and Jacob has been crying for 2 hours my second thought is how I am so glad that he is home.  My first thought of course being, IT IS SO FREAKING EARLY! But hey, I am getting better.  The positive thought used to come after fifty negative ones.  One day I will wake up and just think how wonderful it is that he is home without any thought of lacking sleep or energy or patience.  But until this negative nancy turns completely into a positive pollyana, I will just have to stick to reminding myself.  I hope you will join me in the pursuit of positive thinking.  It doesn't mean that negative things won't happen, but it does mean that you won't happen to be negative with them.  Because let's face it, no one wants to talk to Nancy.

Psalm 103:2

Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits.

What Hands Are For!

I had a proud mom moment this last week.  Michael, my now four year old, was done playing with his little action figures and proceeded to move on to his new train tracks he had just gotten for his birthday when I walked in and noticed the living room being overtaken with toys.  I quickly prompted Michael to clean up whatever he was not playing with before moving on to his next "adventure" and then it happened.  Almost in slow motion.  Michael reached over with his foot and snatched the little batman up with his toes and put it in the toy box.  There are many things that Michael has repeated after seeing or hearing me but this by far was my favorite!  I could almost here my dad's voice in the back of my head saying "pick it up with your hands; that's what you have hands for".  Yes, you are right, Dad.  That is what my hands are for- but it is much more fun picking up things with my feet!  I just smiled at Michael and helped him pick up the rest of his toys, using only our toes.

Recently in conversation I was talking with a friend about how the Bible talks about the church, referring to her as the Body of Christ.  The Body.  Made up of different parts, each with their own unique functions, all adding value in their own way to the one Body.  How amazing is that.  I may not be called to spend my life as a missionary to third world countries or do Children's ministry, work a corporate job or teach in a classroom but I am thankful for all of the men and women in the Body of Christ that are.  That is their function.  

What would happen if your abdomen was tired of supporting your back and decided instead that it would rather function as the neck?  Your body would collapse from a lack of support and your neck would fight against the abdomen to be the function of turning the head!  Or what about the eye wishing to be the mouth?  The ears wishing to be the heart?  Or what about the toes truly wishing to be the hands?  That isn't why God gave you toes, they may work in some limited ability to pick things up and pinch people (not that I have done such said things) but "that's what you have hands for"!  

I love the amazing prophecies that are happening in churches around, I love the visions and dreams that men and women are seeing of spiritual things and there was a time long ago when I would brush those things off as being "not of God" because I didn't understand them.  I would say that "this church" or "that group of people" were weird or some too practical.  Not understanding that my hand doesn't have to know why my behind just sits there, or my ear just listens.  It just has to rest assured that this body has the mind of Christ.  The brain tells each part what it needs to do.  When it is not obedient then God puts on his doctor's coat and does a little surgery on the body to fix it.  And I have complete faith in God that He alone will fix the body however He sees fit.

Not only does the brain give function to each part, but the heart gives life to each part.  The heart of God is to love.  Everything should function OUT OF LOVE!  Love your neighbor, love your enemy, love... love... LOVE!  So my declaration for myself is to be in tune with what God asks of ME to do, to trust that He will guide and direct others to function in their calling, and to stop making judgments on whether I think something is of God or not.  To pray for this body, that it will be the spotless bride that it was meant to be.  To pray that we all stand in unity, putting aside denomination or opinion.  To pray that I will surrender to the spiritual leader that God has placed in my life, knowing that they (he or she) was put there to keep me functioning correctly.  And to pray that above all else, I function with the mind of Christ IN love.  Because after all, God IS love!

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,

I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. ² And though I have

the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though

I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 

³ And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my

body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. ⁴ Love suffers long

and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 

 ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 

 ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things,

believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ⁸ Love never fails.

But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues,

they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

Not too close!

Ever had one of those- I think every pore on my face just imploded creating a mountain range of pimples- kind of mornings?  I can remember getting so embarrassed in middle school and unloading almost an entire concealer onto my face thinking that it would take less attention away from the momentary acne.  Why didn’t anyone ever pull me aside in love and say, “you know honey, concealer will make you continue to break out”.  AH!  Had to learn that one the hard way.  In those moments the most terrifying thing that anyone could do would be to want to talk to me face to face because they never wanted to stand 10 feet away, they would want to stand REAL close.  The kind of close that not only pops a personal bubble but also makes you feel like they could see into the very depths of your soul.  Does anyone ever really focus on what they are saying in that moment, or are you like me- consumed with the “I wonder what they are thinking about my face”, “I hope they don’t think that I don’t wash my face”, “of course I wash my face”, “I wonder if I just say yes if they will walk away”, “this is the longest 1 minute conversation I have ever had”…

Now why would I talk about breaking out and what in the world does this have to do with anything.  Well girls, here it is.  I am a perfectionist.  It is a blessing and a curse.  I not only like things to be perfectly in place but I need them to be.  The Lord has been working on me so I am much better now but I can remember when my husband and I first got into ministry and thinking to myself I have to have it all together.  I can’t make mistakes.  I can’t fail because someone might see me.  Don’t get too close, I look better from a distance.  If you have been around very long you can recognize the pressure that Christians are under these days.  Constantly being scrutinized and called hypocritical, being made fun of in the media and put down.  It can cause a girl like me to push people away because if they got too close they would see that I am just a hot mess like everyone else.  I fail (like I talked about in the last post) and I make mistakes, I do not deserve a pedestal.  No one does. 

The problem with pedestals is that no one besides Christ has ever lived a blameless life.  We all miss the mark, we all blow it, and we all BREAK OUT!   If you were to get too close to anyone besides Jesus you would see how incredibly imperfect we all are.  That is why we all need Him, to be our strength when we are weak!  How encouraging!  Not only does God use people with flaws, but that is the ONLY kind of person He uses.  Because there is no other kind!  We are all at different places in life, working out our own salvation, and each striving to walk “worthy of the calling”- taking two steps forward and sometimes one step back.  I am not the big deal.  I often remind myself that I am only A way to THE way, I am not THE way.  So take the pressure off, you are not the source of any person's salvation!  You are only "a" way- and as Christians all roads should lead to Christ!  So thank God for the leaders in your life!  Look up to them, admire them, but in the same breath pray for them and love them!   Don’t be shocked when you get too close and find out that Superman is really just Clark Kent in some spandex and a silly cape.  Save the pedestal for the One who gave His son to die on a cross for you.  The One who never fails, never gives up, never has a bad day, and most certainly never has a break out.

Hebrews 12:2

² looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy

that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down

at the right hand of the throne of God.

Psst... you are the joy that was set before Him... Just thought I'd point that out!

Work in Progress

Have you ever seen the phrase "work in progress".  I have and it reminds me of one of the many incredibly phrased lines in a worship song that my home church sang often before God called us to Stockton, CA.  It says-“I’m not who I want to be but I’m not who I used to be”. I love that, isn’t it the truth. Over and over I think to myself, I am not who I want to be forgetting sometimes how far I have really come. It reminds me of Paul’s writings when he said “the things I want to do, I do not do. But the things I do not want to do, I do”. Ah yes, there it is. The human struggle of getting caught up in doing things we don’t want to, and even know not to do. Why do we do it? Why is it such a struggle sometimes to make right choices? I don’t know about you but I fail… often. I find myself doubting, gossiping, harboring resentment and unforgiveness; to put it simply- I FAIL.  

Not too many years ago while attending a youth camp as a counselor my youngest sister came down with some sort of flu so I let her sleep it off in the cabin. My whole life I hadn’t been nice to my sister, to be frank I was quite mean. Saying hurtful things sometimes, and just plain ignoring her the rest of the time. I was convicted of this after developing a relationship with God and knew that I needed to ask her forgiveness but I had too much pride to ever ask. While she was up in the cabin sleeping off a fever a few girls who had drove in for the day had started a rather large conversation in the room preventing my sister from resting. When I caught wind of it, I marched right in and yelled at them calling them “inconsiderate and rude”. In fact I was so mad and said so much that these girls left- not just the camp, but our church. Talk about failure. Not only was I overcompensating and trying to baby my sister because I couldn’t say I was sorry, but I also lost “my cool” (whatever that is) with two of our youth girls that had been attending our youth group. I never saw either of the two girls I yelled at again. I beat myself up for what I had done that day for years to come, wondering if my actions had caused someone else to lose their faith in God. Epic FAIL.  

Having said that, I heard my husband speak of failure in one of his more recent messages and he said, “Failure is an event, not a person” so while I may not make the right choices one hundred percent of the time that does not make ME a failure. I knew I married that man for a reason, he’s a smart one! So don’t get down on yourself, don’t beat yourself up. Repent of your sin. Accept Christ’s perfect sacrifice that was made to give us forgiveness from our sin. Then Press on with your head held high without loss of strength or dignity. There you have it, when you find yourself in sin just learn to RAP- Repent, Accept, Press on. (I can just imagine in my head a person getting down on their knees and rapping, if only I had a clever chorus for us all to repeat… I will work on that). No one can be perfect. No one will make the right choices all of the time. I strive to do my best but in doing my best I also have to accept that I will come short. Learn to fail forward. A righteous man (or woman) may fall seven times but he picks himself up. Don’t get down on yourself because when it all comes down to it, you’ve come a long way! “I’m not who I want to be but I’m not who I used to be”!

Titus 3: 4-7
4 But—“When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love,5 he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.6 He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. 7 Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life.”