It's time we talk about suicide...

It’s time we talk about suicide.  It’s time we talk about it now instead of when it is too late.   In the next 24 hours almost 1,500 students will end their life.  I’ve put this heavy subject off for a while thinking it may scare a few readers away but it’s time.

 

Our first year as being youth pastors I was a bit young and naïve.  The youth group where we pastored was filled with students I myself had gone to school with, I being only two years their senior.  That year was full of curveballs and life lessons, each taken with a grain of salt.  I most often failed but knew that giving up would be so much worse than pressing on- so I pressed on.  During that first year, and the many to follow, we have faced a lot of intense issues dealing with students.  Death, drug addiction, teenage pregnancy, sexual abuse, and many more but nothing hit me harder than this one little word… suicide. 

 

There was a high school literally right across the street from our church.  That first year we served as pastors a young girl at that school took her own life.  Have you ever heard news so shocking that it literally took your breath away; as if the act of breathing had somehow changed from an involuntary response to something you had to tell your body to do to keep from falling over- in and out, in and out.  This isn't something that happens to people you know or in the city you live.  This happens to people you read about in the papers or watch on the news, but not here not now.  Could I have done anything to keep this from happening?  Could I have taken the five minutes to walk across the street?  If I had, would I have even run into her?  Would I notice her withdrawn posture, the loneliness in her eyes?  Would I have offered to sit next to her and be a friend?  Would I have listened to how the hope had left from her conversation? Could I?  Would I?

 

Last week’s blog was on regret, and this my dear friends is one of the greatest regrets I have.  I know it is a little on the absurd side to think that I would have stumbled upon her and our conversation would have led to her being with us today- but that’s the thing about regret, it always exaggerates.  It keeps us captive inside our “could haves” or “should haves” until we ourselves realize that we’ve stopped moving forward with our own lives.

 

We can’t fix it, we can’t change it, but we can be better because of it. 

 

Judas was one of the twelve disciples.  When I think of this I cannot keep from thinking that he had eleven friends he had done life with for three years.  They traveled together.  Prayed together.  Experienced miracles together.  Sat at the feet of Jesus together.  So how did this man go from a friend and disciple, to betrayer and regret-ridden hopeless man that took his own life? 

 

He had made a huge mistake and his friends deserted him.  Can I just take a minute to say that we all make mistakes.  We can say all we want that sin is equal, and it is- but only in the eyes of God.  In the eyes of man, unfortunately, it is so very unequal. 

 

Judas had betrayed the very man that had brought them all together and instead of forgiving his sin and reaching out a loving hand, they forsook him and turned their backs to flee. (Matthew 26:56) Friend-less.  Judas runs to the chiefs to try and undo what he had done only to have them respond in sarcasm, “what is that to us?” (Matthew 27:4)  Hope-less.  Judas forgets the words of Jesus in the garden, that it “must happen” (Matthew 26:54) so that the “scriptures may be fulfilled” (Matthew 26:56) and decides to end his life.  Purpose-less. 

 

If he had waited just a few weeks, Judas would have seen that his one act of betrayal was only the beginning of our beautiful redemption through Jesus Christ.  Just a few weeks.  But he was friendless, purposeless, and hopeless.  Friendless.  Purposeless.  Hopeless.

 

Girls, I share my stories with you and point out scriptures such as these so that by it we don’t feel the burden to fix it or change it, but be better because of it. 

 

Fight to be a friend.  A real friend doesn’t walk away when mistakes are made, fight for your friendship even if the one you are fighting against is yourself.  Were you hurt?  Betrayed? Forgive them.  It will probably change your relationship, but don’t abandon them! Knowing Judas would betray Him, Jesus still called him “Friend” (Matthew 26:50). 

 

Offer them hope.  No one needs their failures shoved in their face.  Believe me, they haven’t forgotten about them.  It is probably all they've thought about.  If you are to offer anything offer hope. 

 

Remind them of their purpose.  Over and over in the Bible we find that God has a unique purpose for us all and it is not something that gets thrown to the wayside when we sin.  We are still worthy.  Still called. 

 

If you know someone battling depression or suicide be "FOR" them-  Fight to be a friend, Offer them hope and Remind them of their purpose. 

 

And if you are someone who is struggling with it yourself, let me be your friend!  Don't give up, press through.  You have purpose and there is hope!  I know life gets hard sometimes, I know it seems all so very overwhelming but there are brighter days ahead.  I promise you, as one who has been where you are now, it gets better.  God has great things in store for you, just hold on.

 

 

 

 

 

Hebrews 6:18-19

¹⁸ So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. ¹⁹ This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.

I should have helped

At the end of 2013, my husband and I had an “open house” night for students, friends, and family to say their goodbyes before we moved to Visalia, CA.   It was an emotional night to say the least but it was full of love and laughter.  When things had started to wind down, I noticed Rich had a certain look in his eye.  I hadn’t seen this look in quite a while.  It wasn’t anything you’d expect on a night like this.  It wasn’t sadness, although you can be sure that there was sadness in the room.  It wasn’t love, although there was much of that also.  No… it was the eye of someone who was planning something both great and horrific.  A particular young girl had been provoking Rich all night, all year really at the youth group, and the prankster that he had made dormant for many years was about to rear its ugly head.

 

I am not one for pranks, I feel way too bad afterward, but my husband on the other hand is the king.  He’s done some pretty extreme things in years past (nothing that was unprovoked, would harm another person and all in good fun) and that night wouldn’t disappoint.  

 

After dumping two giant cups of freezing cold water on her, a few guys had wrestled her out the front door and locked it behind her; Rich of course waiting in the front yard with a hose to spray her down.  And spray her down he did.  She was SOAKED.  It made for a lot of laughs and some great memories but the thing that caught me off guard the most did not come from my husband at all, it came from my little five year old. 

 

Hearing the commotion Michael had put on his Spiderman costume and ran into the room screaming “Super-Michael is here”.  Upon seeing the boys wrestle the girl out the door; Michael turned back and ran into my bedroom where I later found him hiding behind my bed.   When I realized that he was hiding I crouched down to see what was wrong and all he kept saying was “I should have helped her”. 

 

My heart was filled with sadness, looking into the eyes of my son who was so full of regret that he had to hide.  I never want him to feel that way again but I know that it is a part of life.

 

When I was a sophomore in high school I was invited to junior prom with a boy that had been a mutual friend of friends for many years.  It was a great night; I got dressed up, did the typical “I’ll have a salad” for dinner at the nice restaurant, and away we went to the school to take pictures and stand awkwardly to the side like most sheltered horrified introverted girls my age.  At the end of the night I faked feeling ill so he’d take me home, and I went to bed.  Super exciting I know.

 

Just one year later, this boy had become more of a friend.  We weren’t incredibly close but he was really nice and such a gentlemen.  The night of his graduation he stayed up all night and never woke up the next day.  I remember hearing the news saying to myself, “I should have asked if he knew God, I had spent enough time with him that I should have asked.”

 

For weeks I beat myself up, he was gone and I would never have another chance.

 

I share these two stories with you for a few reasons.  Often times we act like Michael did the night of our party.  We see an injustice happening, get ourselves all ready, pump ourselves up with tons of scriptures, and then seeing the magnitude of the situation- we run and hide, only to recite a list of I should have’s later on.  Even if we contribute in a small amount to the situation we never call it enough.  I should have… I should have…

 

We are human, we fail… A LOT.  Think of Judas, he walked with Jesus for 3 years and ended up betraying Him in the garden for thirty pieces of silver.  In Matthew 27 we find Judas full of remorse, bringing the pieces of silver back to the chief priests in hopes of finding some way, begging to find any way, to undo what he had done.  Can you imagine the regret that was in his heart?  The thoughts of “I should have” that plagued him?  It was so unbearable that Judas realizing he couldn’t take it back took his own life.

 

If you have walked through a situation that left you full of “I should have’s” then I have three things to say to you…

 

Can you change it? Is it possible for you to travel back in time and change what was done?  No.  It is with great sadness that we must conclude that everything that we do cannot be taken back.  We can’t change what was done.  We can’t go back and encourage instead of bully, speak up instead of keeping silent, say no instead of saying yes, go to church instead of going to the party… or even help instead of hide from the girl about to be doused in water.  I can’t go back in time and ask my friend if he knew God, ask if he had a relationship with Him.  With everything in me I wish that I could.  But we can’t.  Judas knew this all too well.

 

Can you fix it?  Is there something you can do to help bring restoration to the situation?  Maybe.   For me, there is nothing I can do because my friend is gone but for most of you there is something you can do.  You can apologize if there’s someone to apologize to, or seek help and accountability.  For you lucky few there is definitely no way to change it but there may be a way to fix it.  And if there is… DO IT!!!  But understand that some things will not and can not be fixed despite your best efforts.  It doesn’t mean that you don’t try, even if it is never enough for the other person- try anyway.  Judas tried to fix it, tried to give the silver back but it wasn’t enough to save Jesus from being beaten, mocked and crucified on the cross. 

 

Can you be better because of it?  Is there a lesson to learn that you can decide within yourself that from here on out you will be different?  YES!!! After attending my friend’s funeral I knew that I was not anyone’s Savior, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t reach out to my friend’s.  I started bringing friends to church and talking to people about God.  Not in a preachy way, where I felt the burden to see them all accept Christ.  No, I understood that I was just a vessel for God to use and I would live my life in a way that brought Him glory.  And if He did open a door for me to use words, I took it.  I knew I couldn’t change what happened, and I couldn’t fix it, but I could be better because of it. 

 

I wish that Judas could have understood this too.  If he had, he would have lived long enough to see Jesus come back from the dead and make a way for us all to live with Him in eternity.  He was so plagued by his past that he deprived himself of a future.

 

If you are reading this and you are struggling with an “I should have” of your own, I beg of you to let it go.  You can’t change it, you can try to fix it, but you can and WILL be better because of it.  Press on.  Forgive yourself and press on.  Tomorrow is a brighter day. 

 

 

Acts 2:25-26

²⁵ King David said this about him: ‘I see that the Lord is always with me.
    I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. ²⁶ No wonder my heart is glad,
    and my tongue shouts his praises! My body rests in hope.

 

 

**Regret is the great thief of joy, but hope will restore it back to you.**

 

 

Resolution for Resolutions

It is already nine days into the New Year and I have yet to find a moment to sit down and write out some goals for this next year.  For me, the most time consuming part of the whole process is not thinking of things I want to accomplish.  Not even close… I have lists with their own lists of things I want to do.  No, I think we all know what we want to do, I think the hardest part of moving on and dreaming again for what could be is letting go of what has been.  I have heard it said that “you enter the next relationship how you left the last one”.  It’s true, and not just in relationships but in all things.  Life especially.  Before you can make resolutions you must find resolution. 

 

In the short 365 days of last year there were highs and lows, trials and triumphs, questions and answers, hello’s and farewell’s, goals accomplished and goals forgotten, things you never want to remember and things you never want to forget.  So much life lived and things experienced, all working in one way or another for our benefit.  But it’s time now to lay it to rest.  My friend, it’s time.  There are big things on the horizon that can only be achieved once we’ve said farewell to 2013… So here it is, my farewell…

 

This may age me a bit, but there used to be a very popular show called “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?”  (Can I sidebar a moment and just say, who is saying “no” to this question?  You can help a lot of people… and buy a lot of shoes… with that kind of money!)  If you aren’t familiar with this TV show, let me help you to imagine what it was like.  Imagine taking a multiple choice test that ranged from “my little sister would know this answer” to “I must have missed this section in my pointless knowledge class”, all while under a time limit, oh yea and in front of the whole world.  No pressure.  Test anxiety, schmest anxiety.  Think Jeopardy but with only one contestant who sits in a chair with a spotlight shining down on it like during a police interrogation.  Ain’t nobody got time for that!

 

The only bright spot of the whole show were these three wonderful options in case you got stuck (which in my case would be on question 2).  There was the poll the audience option, the fifty fifty, or the phone a friend.  PHONE A FRIEND!  I don’t know about you, but I have some friends amazingly gifted in the knowledge of random-facts in my phone.  Like for instance, my sister.  She’ll pull little jewels of useless knowledge out all the time.  Like did you know that a woman who wears lipstick eats about eight pounds of it every year?  I did.  I can thank my sister for that!  This option is my favorite on the show but you can only use it once… bummer!  Once you call a friend you must continue on with the rest of the questions without their help.   

 

I am sure that if I called a friend on question 2, that I would seriously be kicking myself once I reached questions 7 or 8.  If I reached question 7 or 8, let’s be honest.  But it isn’t the fault of my friend.  It is part of the game.  I can get mad or frustrated but it will do me no good.  That question is over, they gave me the best help they could offer, and now it is time to move on.  Time to let it go.

 

And here comes the point of my taking time to describe to you a such an outdated TV show… That level (2013) is done with.  It’s time to let it go.  God brought people into your life to help you in one way or another to get through and for some reason if they didn’t make it to this New Year, be thankful for the time you shared and move on.   You are that much further in life because of them.  You have that many more funny stories to tell and memories to share with the future grandkids because of them.  You learned a few lessons and gained some wisdom because of them.  Whatever the reason this next level of life doesn’t include them; don’t get so caught up on your hurt that you forget about the good times.  Life is a journey and not everyone can stick around for the whole thing.  We are each on our own paths and sometimes we get the incredibly fortunate opportunity to share a portion of it with others, but when it’s just us it doesn’t mean that somebody “missed it” or “left us”- it just means that it’s a new level and their time with us is done now.

 

So farewell, 2013.  Thank you for all you gave me- both the laughter and the tears.  I am a better person because of it.  Thank you.  But it’s time to move on now.  2014 is calling my name and I have to let you go.  I will always appreciate you and what you were in my life, but no matter how present I wish you to be, you will always be my past.  No hard feelings.  Really.  It was a great year, I wish you the best. 

 

 

 

 

Philippians 3:12-14

¹² I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. ¹³ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Dear Students

Dear Students,

 

The last three and a half years (two and a half as your youth pastor) have been filled with great talks, memorable nights, and an innumerable amount of gut busting laughs- but there are still a few things I want to say.  Things I know in my heart you need to hear especially now that God is transitioning us on and I pray that you will take these words to heart.

 

You are ready.  

 

Jesus had three years with His disciples.  Three years to pour His life into them and teach them all of His ways.  Three years to laugh with them, cry with them, and do life with them.  But after those three years He was crucified and put in a grave.  I can guarantee you that for those three days the disciples talked about how they weren’t ready for Him to go.  How they didn’t understand why He had to die.  I am sure they said some of the things you have been thinking, and honestly I am so thankful for that.  It means that Pastor Rich and I have done what we are called to do.  I am certainly NOT comparing us to Jesus because we fail daily but I am wanting you to see how these twelve men handled the transitioning of someone who loved and led them.  I want you to see that you are ready for this even if you think you are not.  You are.  It is ok to have questions, to be angry, or to be sad.  It is ok.  But do not forget that you are ready, God would not be calling us to go if He didn’t believe in you, which leads me to the second thing…

 

God has not forgotten about you.  

 

Before Jesus was betrayed He spoke to the disciples about what was to come.  He talked to them about how they would grieve but how He would send them someone to comfort them.  John 16: 5-7 reads “But now I am going away to the one who sent me, and not one of you is asking where I am going.  Instead, you grieve because of what I’ve told you. But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you.”  The Advocate.  (I love that word used to describe the Holy Spirit but that is another post for another day.)  Jesus told the disciples that He had to go so another could have a voice in their lives.  We believe with all of our hearts that our time with you was needed and appointed by God, but now He is calling for some new voices.  Give them a chance.  Whoever they may be.  Yes, Pastor Rich and I are moving and yes, we know in our hearts that God is the one leading us to do so, but this does not mean that He has forgotten about you.  He is bigger than that. God is calling us to go, but He is also calling others to come.  They will be the ones you need for this new season, just as we needed Jesus to go so the Holy Spirit could come and be with us as a constant voice of encouragement and conviction.  Our move may seem only for us, but it is for you too.  And lastly…

 

You will do great things

 

We all need many people to help guide us through this crazy thing called life.  Many. People.  These voices are there to encourage us because if we are honest with ourselves, life isn’t all that encouraging sometimes.  Despite what you have gone through, or maybe what you are still going through, you were designed with greatness inside of you.  The twelve disciples did AMAZING works after Jesus was crucified, came back to life and ascended to heaven.  Amazing works.  They did them because they allowed what they were taught to work as the foundation for their lives, and not merely something to leave behind as they moved on.  Remember what we’ve taught you from the Word of God.  Remember the many things God has brought you through.  Do not forget them.  Use them as your foundation to do great things. 

 

We love you.  We believe in you.  We are so thankful God chose us for this season to be a voice in your lives.  And if you find yourself in a few days, a few weeks or even a few years needing us just remember that a voice can be heard from across a room, or across the world.  So pick up a phone!   It is with a heavy heart we say goodbye.  But know that this goodbye is only for now, it is not for always.

 

You are ready, God has not forgotten about you, and you will do great things!!!

 

 

1 Corinthians 3:7

It’s not the one who plants or the one who waters

who is at the center of this process but God, who makes things grow.

Making Monsters Human Again

We are a few months into our adoption process, and boy is it a process.  Many things involve huge stacks of paper and long interviews but I think this process is the most rewarding of them all.  Just the thought of holding our little girl puts a smile on my face and brings tears to my eyes.  I love adoption.  Everything about it.  Well… almost everything.

 

Somewhere in the world there is a mother and a father that are letting go of their child so that our family could welcome her in.  Somewhere in the world there is a woman who stuck it out through 9 months of pregnancy and the pain of labor for her.  Somewhere in the world there is a man who willingly or unwillingly will come to the conclusion that he cannot father her.  Somewhere in the world there are birth parents for our daughter that together created her, and honestly it’s a little hard to stomach.

 

There will always be a piece of our daughter that wants that connection; there will always be questions that I may not be able to answer. 

 

In one of our first classes we were going over the basics of adoption and I heard something that has stuck with me these past few months.  The instructor said that they encourage bio families to “meet the adoptive families in order for both sides to de-monster-ize the other”.  (Yea, I’m not even sure that’s a word and judging by the squiggly red line under it, my computer isn’t either).  Such an interesting thought!  Spending time with someone who may be built up in your head as a monster to make them human again.  Seriously, I love this.

 

I can recall many times in my own life when I have made judgments of a person that I had never even had a conversation with.  We do it all the time.  We assume that a person is “stuck up” when they don’t talk to us but just maybe they are an introvert and have a hard time opening up to people.  We assume that a person is “full of themselves” when they are constantly looking in a mirror but just maybe they are so self-conscious that they have to keep tugging at their clothes and making sure their hair is just right.  We assume that people have “everything” but just maybe they are secretly battling depression or anxiety and put on a happy face for show.  We assume a lot.  And those are just a few assumptions that were made of me as a teen.

 

Junior high and high school are hard.  We are trying to figure out who we are, what we believe, and what we are here for in the midst of everyone else trying to do the same.  Every time we turn around we see another absurdly beautiful or outrageously athletic girl that causes us to question our own place on the “totem pole”.  Where do we line up, we wonder.  Not knowing that this game of constant comparison is not only killing our own self esteem but making enemies of complete strangers at the same time.

 

I mean seriously, I hate the Victoria’s Secret models.  No one looks like that.  But in reality I don’t even know them.  I just know that I don’t like how I feel about myself when I see one which is not a reflection of them, but it is one of me.  They are not the enemy.  They are simply prompters of our own thoughts and emotions of ourselves.

 

So girls, here is my challenge for you… Find someone on your campus (or in your youth group) that you have been intimidated by or isolated from.  Someone who may make you feel inferior or at odds with them- and invite them to coffee.  Yea I know it sounds crazy but the truth is that when we spend time with people it really does de-monster-ize them.  They are no longer the big bad wolf but a fellow classmate or church goer with similar struggles or thoughts. And not only will we make a new friend in the process, but we will be refusing to play the comparison game and argot (yep that’s a word- it means “because of this”) build a little confidence of our own.

 

So be a friend and if you’re going to fight, fight the urge to compare!  You are beautiful!

 

 

 

 

Hebrews 13:2

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers,

for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.

You Again?

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas… ok so maybe it’s not really looking like Christmas but these cold mornings and the wonderful radio station that started playing Christmas music already has me in the Christmas mood.  As a child I remember watching White Christmas during this fall season and thinking how wonderful it would be to wake up and see snow.  It would be just perfect.  You could make snowmen and snow angels, have a snowball fight.  It sounds great doesn’t it?  White, wonderful, glorious, snow.

 

And then I come back to reality and realize that I hate being outside in the snow.  Seriously, it’s cold and wet and potentially very dangerous.  I tried snowboarding once (keyword TRIED) and it was awful.  I was talked into riding to the top of the mountain with this amazing guy that once up there laughed as I fell sideways into a mound of powder and left me there freezing my tush off until one of the workers came to rescue me.  A real gem that guy.  I married him.

 

When I think of snow now I think of that day.  I had a huge oversized snow jacket that weighed fifty pounds (that may be a slight exaggeration but not much of one) and these huge boots on.  After being left for what seemed like forever by myself on the side of a mountain I decided to wait inside for the remainder of the trip.  It was much safer for a girl like me in there.  I was there for hours in a stuffy lodge with this heavy coat and huge boots on stinking like a junior high boy because I had forgotten to take the snow items off.  I didn’t need them anymore but I had taken a mental vacation and didn’t realize it.

 

I’m reminded of that silly girl sitting in the lodge sometimes when crazy seasons of life hits.  When the storms come and unload barrels of snow onto your sunny days and seem to weigh you down.  When you reach for the jacket to protect yourself only to later realize that you have a lodge that you can run to for safety.  But once inside you sit there like a total nerd forgetting to take the dumb coat off so you don’t know which was more miserable- being outside trapped in the snow, or inside sitting in your own sweat. 

 

That heavy coat for me was the years that I battled with depression as a teenager.  Things would happen and this coat of sadness would drape over me causing me to be numb, protecting me from what I thought would hurt me but really all it was doing was preventing me from experiencing true joy.  I felt like a zombie walking through life until I went to a youth summer camp and a man introduced me to Jesus.  It was like running inside from the storm.  It was warm and inviting in the midst of total chaos, a safe place to hide from the storm, my refuge. 

 

Even though I had found my way inside, I still sometimes forgot to take off my jacket.

 

This summer has been quite the stormy season.  I’ve been bombarded with the feeling of being a complete failure as a youth pastor, doubting the very influence and calling to ministry with teen girls that I have held so dear for years.  I’ve lost the woman who was both like a mother and a mentor to me.  I’ve struggled with my place in helping someone dear to me as they completely alter their life.  I’ve felt lonely, sad, incompetent, hurt, betrayed, lied about, taken advantage of, run over, and even a little depressed.

 

Me?  A youth pastor?  A woman devoted to speaking into girl’s lives about facing their struggles with strength and dignity?  Yes, me. 

 

I was staring at that very same teenage girl who was safely inside but still weighed down under the heavy coat of life.  It’s like I could see her sitting in the room with me and all I could think was, “you again?”  That’s not me.  That’s not who I am anymore.  I am a new creation in Christ, old things have passed away and God has made all things new… right? 

 

Right…ish.  God can only renew what we surrender to Him.  Yes He is our refuge.  Yes He is our redeemer.  Yes He is our strength and our joy.  But He can only be that if we CHOOSE for Him to be.  We have to choose to give Him the old self, the old thoughts, the old ways of doing things.  The old ways of reacting with hurt and bitterness and sadness.  When we take off the coat and give over to our loving Father, He takes it and replaces it with a cardigan of comfort.  Yep, that’s right.  Long live the cardigans.

 

But it doesn’t stop there.  When stormy seasons hit, the devil will always be out there in the snow ready to hand that heavy coat to you again.

 

Don’t do it!  Run inside where you can be safe.  Yes the storms will rage.  Yes there might be some damage done.  Yes you may have to walk two miles uphill both ways to get to a place of refuge.  But it is there.  For you.  And for me.

 

So I decline your heavy coat Sir Satan, and you can shove it where the sun don’t shine.  That’s not me anymore.  I am not that girl.  I know my word and I choose to plant my feet in it and stand my ground. 

 

 

Psalm 91:4-7

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.  You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.

Put that down!

Most of my best mom moments happen when I am distracted.  And by “best” mom moments, I mean to say that the ones I wish I could have prevented for various reasons but find quite funny looking back.  The most memorable example yet happened only a few months back…

 

While sitting in our soon to be little girl’s room (which is another post for another day, but in short we are adopting a little girl- yay!  I will post more about that later), I found myself deeply lost in a phone conversation.  Normally I am pretty great at multitasking and keeping an eye out on my kiddos while I am on the phone but on this day, I most certainly was not paying close enough attention.

 

In one few second lull in the conversation I realized that I hadn’t heard Jacob (my feisty almost two year old) make much noise in the last few minutes even though he had been playing in the same room that I had wandered into.  While not too concerned at first, I casually looked over the room.  Still talking to my friend of course.  I spotted his feet sticking out from beside the bed, close to where I had placed my purse and I slowly sauntered in that direction.  Still talking… As I got closer to where Jacob had planted himself on the floor I realized that not only was he close to my purse but he was also equally close to our cat’s litter box.  I was still talking.

 

I covered the phone to whisper “Jacob” in hopes to get his attention and see what my little guy was up to.  At that moment Jacob turned around, and well- I stopped talking.  Jacob was holding something between his thumb and pointer finger that I couldn’t really recognize from the short distance between us. From where I was standing it could have easily been a tossup between a tootsie roll found in my purse or a piece of cat turd from the little box of horrors. And before I put two thoughts together to move forward to get to him, Jacob had put said unidentified object into his mouth.  

 

There was a moment of disbelief that followed.  A battle of thoughts going on in my head that caused what I am sure was only a second to feel like minutes- was that a tootsie or a turd?  TOOTSIE OR TURD child??!!!  And then when I had snapped out of it, I quickly opened his mouth, stuck my finger in and pulled out the worst smelling piece of soggy cat poop that I had smelled in a while.  I almost barfed.

 

What in the world prompted my child to not only pick up, but subsequently place in his mouth, a piece of cat turd?!  Does he have no sense of smell or common sense?  I know he is a baby and all but when exactly do we get the “poop is not a food item” idea.  Heaven knows that animals have yet still to figure it out.  I ended my call, threw Jacob in a bathtub and began scrubbing his tongue, teeth and gums for any residual poop.  You know when people say that their breath smells like poop when they wake up?  Well I can say with all sincerity that unless you’ve eaten a turd that your breath most certainly does not.  Poop breath is much, much worse.

 

I share this story with you because like most things in my life God used it to point something out to me. 

 

Recently there have been many things that have not only happened in my life but in the lives of those around me.  I often find myself talking to friends and family about situations they are facing and in that moment of sympathy and love for them I am faced with many new feelings.  If they feel betrayed, well I feel betrayed.  If they feel angry, then I feel angry.  If they are sad, my heart is full of sadness.  The Bible says to “weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice” and I am pretty great at doing that.    

 

Sometimes I even find myself a few days later still feeling those feelings of betrayal, anger and sadness.  I justify within myself that I am allowed to be because the Bible tells us to “carry one another’s burden’s” (Galatians 6:2).  It’s ok to hold onto these feelings because I am carrying their burden after all… right?

 

Wrong… so so wrong… The word used in Galatians is “burden” not “offense”.  I know it is super funny when you run across those Pinterest eCards that say something to the effect of “if my sister is mad at you then I am too” but the reality is that we were not meant to carry one another’s offenses.  I am sad and even sometimes angered that those things happened to you but I cannot let it taint the love I have for others, even the one who is the cause of your pain.  If it did then I most certainly am not living according to the Word.  The Word that tells me to love my neighbor, and love my enemy (and in this case, love YOUR enemy).  So don’t hate me when I don’t hate them with you.  Don’t get offended if I don’t act equally offended as you.  

 

I just have this feeling that God is looking down when we share our situations with others and is waiting to see if we will pick up the tootsie or the turd.  Will we pick up their burden or their offense?  Be there for your friends and family, love on them, support them, but decide within yourself that you will not sacrifice your convictions for them.  

 

I am your friend.  I am for you not against you.  I will carry your burden… but please don't ask me to carry your offense. 

 

 

Matthew 5:43-45

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy.  
But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!  
In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.