Running the Race

Would you consider yourself a competitive person?  And if so, would that be considered a positive or negative quality?  Now I just may be the clumsiest girl allowed to sit with all of my very athletic friends in high school (true story) but I was competitive nonetheless.  Academics, that was my “sport” of choice.  I may not have the ability to run cross country and win a medal, despite my two year pretty humiliating attempt at such a goal, but if there are academic awards to be handed out I will try my best to get them.  I am not sure why a colored cardstock piece of paper was so important to me growing up but it was.  In fact, it didn’t matter what that piece of paper said- be it “student of the month”, “perfect attendance”, or something crazy like “most socially awkward”- if there was an award for it, I wanted it.  As a senior in high school I was looking through the last school newspaper edition of the year and got so excited to see that in the midst of the 500+ students in our class, I had been voted for something!  And there it was- “most unique”… Excited soon turned to concern, was “unique” just a nice word for weird?  Whatever it was, I beat out 499 other students to receive that title and I was going to wear it proud!

Last night I had the wonderful privilege of speaking to our youth group here in Stockton, CA to finish out our Surrender series.  One of the main points was about competition.  While it has the ability to challenge us to press harder than we would have before there is also a very negative side to being at competition with others- when it is taken out of its place in something such as sports and played out in the day to day social realm.  The bible tells us to have compassion for people and not be in constant competition with people.  The more I thought about that this morning the more I realized how much it has become an epidemic especially amongst the female population.  If someone has a smaller waist line than us we aren’t happy for them, deep down we hope they go into a binge and gain 50 pounds in one night.  If someone has a better wardrobe than us, we tell ourselves we have better things to spend our money on as if having a nice pair of jeans was below us.  Come on girls, deep down you know you have struggled with another girls physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual success in some way or have gained some joy out of the failure of someone else.  The truth is that acknowledging another girl’s success, does not devalue your own.  And likewise, another person’s failure does not make you a better person.  Honestly, neither have any reflection on you whatsoever…  The only reflection of you, is your reaction to such an incident.

I recently ran across a video (http://vimeo.com/43490354) of a runner in second place that had the chance to win her race when the girl in first collapsed.  Then the most remarkable thing happened.  The girl in second got a standing ovation!!! Why? Well it wasn’t because she stepped over the other girl, rejoicing in her shortcoming, and finished.  Rather she stooped down, picked the girl up, and walked her to the finish line making sure that she still crossed in second.  Yes it was a competition, but this girl understood that we should never revel in someone else’s defeat, and she showed what Jesus taught us to show- COMPASSION!  These are the girls we should look up to ladies!  Thank you Meghan Vogel for being an example of what it means to lend a helping hand when so many would have run on ahead.  Some would have cheered for her coming in first, but all cheered for her helping someone else come in first!!!

Ephesians 4:32

And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted

(compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another

[readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.   AMP 

I'm not confrontational! Part 2

As I was writing last Monday about my struggle with confrontation I realized that I had a lot to say about the matter but not enough attention span to write it all in one blog- argot, a part two!  If you read last week’s “motivational Monday” blog you would know that I am an introverted person by nature but have challenged myself to break out of my shell when necessary.  Of course I am always prolonging the inevitable confrontation by asking myself is it really necessary that I confront this, like really?  I don’t know about you but I have had my fair share of pretty disgusting meals (at restaurants of course not by anyone I know) but I don’t think I have EVER spoken up.  I just sucked it down as fast as I could, trying not to think of the undercooked mushy vegetables or the overcooked “blackened” chicken.  I mean the menu did say “blackened”, maybe I should have just asked for burnt?  So what do you confront, when do you confront and why do you confront? Those, my friends, are the questions!

The first question is the most important, the “what”!  If you are dealing with an offense, a misinterpretation, or a wrong doing please please please understand that you are confronting issues, situations, or attitudes- NOT people.  There is a difference between confronting issues and being confrontational with people!  The burnt chicken is not the fault of the waiter or even the cook; their interpretation of blackened is just vastly different from my own.  VASTLY!

Then we come to the “when”… oh how I struggle within myself with the when!  Here’s the deal, if you are emotionally wrapped up in the issue then it’s not the time. I understand there are some things that are time sensitive, but it is better to have 5 minutes of constructive conversation rather than an hour of blubbering insults.  Let me tell you, I can cry with the best of them but I know in that moment I won’t get anywhere!  So pull yourself together, stand up tall, embrace the fact that you are feeling an emotion, but know that you are not controlled by that emotion!  Don’t think that in order to get things accomplished you have to be an emotionless figure of a woman.  Allow yourself to FEEL! Acknowledge that you are FEELING.  And then speak the truth to that FEELING.  Are you feeling defeated?  Then yes, you may have not won this round but the Word says we are “more than conquerors” so you’ll get it the next time!  Are you feeling angry?  Ok then!  Jesus said “be angry but do not sin”!  So feel angry!  Get MAD!  But don’t let that feeling bubble over into abusive language, physical damage, bitterness, jealousy, resentment, or hatred… Then when you are settled down, when you’ve told that feeling what it can do, resolve the issue!

You may have missed it but I answered the “why”… look up at the last paragraph, it’s right there at the end… see it?  RESOLVE the issue, that’s what confrontation is all about!!!!  We confront situations, when we are clear headed, to resolve issues!!! Think about the situation you are dealing with.  Was it something that was said or done?  Was it an accumulation of things that were said and done?  Is it something that is easily forgiveable and easy to forget or will you secretly hold it against that person for years to come? Then ask yourself why you want to confront it.  I hope your answer would be to peacefully resolve the issue and not “give them a piece of my mind”; because if you start giving away pieces of your mind, well, you won’t be left with much after a while!  Confrontation when done wrong brings separation but when done right brings clearer communication!  Be nice, and do right.  Yes, that is the key to a woman’s true beauty!  That and a cute pair of stilettos… just sayin’!

Ephesians 6:15

And having shod your feet in preparation [to face the enemy with the firm-footed stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news] of the Gospel of peace.

Keepin' it Fancy!

There are many sides to me, my mother would call it being a jack of all trades (master of none), but one of the greatest loves in my life is baking... cakes, cupcakes, pies, quiches, pastries... and anything else you need a stand mixer and oven for! I realized quite a while back that women aren't as equipped in the kitchen as they used to be and well I just think that's silly. I don't think that women should be barefoot in the kitchen, or however they say it, but I do think part of a woman's beauty is her ability to feed her family. Of course I love using my stand mixer and come up with all kinds of cake/icing ideas (some of which I will post from time to time) but I know that not everyone has the creativity or time to do everything from scratch.  So if your name isn't Little Debbie and you don't put out delicious desserts that are enjoyed by many then let me help... With a little effort you can make even a box cake and can of icing into a masterpiece!

Here's how I do it...

Take a 12inch paper cutter, small cup (has to be able to fit inside of a cupcake tin), and either parchment paper (or what I LOVE to use is the Martha Wrap- one side is parchment paper and the other is foil)...

Use your paper cutter to cut paper into 4" by 4" squares... 

Cut off each corner (only cutting about 1/4" down)...

Mold paper around your small cup, making sure to press down around the bottom to create a crease...

And Voila!!! Instant fancy cupcake liner!

Even with a box cake and can of frosting your dessert will make anyone feel loved!  If you want to make sure the cupcakes are all of equal size, use an ice cream scoop!  And just for fun add chocolate chips, reese's pieces or instant coffee to your cake batter!  I may not like cake (true story) but I LOVE baking fancy little cupcakes that are sure to brighten anyone's day, and it's so simple that anyone could do it!  I posted a picture below to show how they look all done... Happy baking!

I'm not confrontational!

A year ago I took a trip to the beach with two really great girls, and while we were there I realized something about myself- something I've known all along but have never faced- I'm not confrontational!!! I used to think that it was perfectly okay, I have a naturally introverted personality. Stop laughing friends; if you know me to be different it is because I have challenged myself to be more extroverted but by nature I would rather keep to myself. On this Santa Cruz trip I realized that this natural disposition could be a problem especially when it came to miniscule things like talking to our waiter or finding someone to take our picture. I would ask one of the other girls to do it, hiding behind the phrase, "I'm not confrontational!" How did I survive on my own for so long?  Maybe it’s my mother’s fault for telling me not to talk to strangers?  Whatever the reason I felt extremely uncomfortable and it got me thinking.  Now I don’t want to be the one to confront everything and everyone but I would also like to be thought of as someone who will tackle the hard issues with love and confidence.  When conflict arises I would like to be the one to take the first step to resolve it instead of shoving it under the rug. 

I have two sons, they are “awesome” as the oldest one tells me and I love being a mother.  Jacob, our little miracle baby, is 6 months old and Michael is my comedic yet slightly dramatic 4 year old.  Michael loves to play with his Thomas the train and my rule is if he wants to pull out all of the tracks and trains he has to put away all of his other toys.  A 4 year old cleaning his room… yes it happens… don’t judge me.  Moving on- one afternoon my son asks me to put together his train track and as I’m sitting on the ground figuring out which part connects with which other part (which can be very difficult and time consuming if you don’t realize that they are numbered on the bottom) I realize that there is something sticking out from under his bed.  I pull up the covers and see a HUGE pile of clothes, toys, and I’m sure small animals that have found their way into this abyss.  I jerked my head back to look at Michael just to see his face turn to the exact same face that I make when I say- “I’m not confrontational”…. NOOOOOOO!!!! Have I passed on my excuse of not dealing with things?  Is a 4 year old even wise enough to be able to use it against me?  What does not being confrontational even mean?  Does it mean that I don’t confront people when they hurt me?  Does it mean that I don’t confront issues when I disagree with them?  Does it mean that I shove all of my toys under my bed because it’s easier to hide them than confront them?  Wait I don’t have toys… Well you get the point. 

As I was going through this whole conversation in my head I came to this conclusion, something I heard our pastor say not too long ago- “What you don’t resolve you repeat”.  Ouch.  That one hurts.  It’s true; I have relived many things over and over in my life because I refused to not only confront them but also resolve them.  I convinced myself that these issues didn’t need resolving.  I’m not saying I am perfect at it now, in fact I have a LONG way to go but the first step in practically every self-help program out there is admitting you have a problem.  If you are a teenage girl I hope that you can imagine me as your older sister, trying to share my experiences of failure so that you will have the ability to succeed.   It may be something small that has developed in your heart as a true hurt but I was reading in my devotional this morning about offense and it was put so perfectly: “Let me assure you that anytime something small becomes a major issue, you need to back up and reexamine what you are thinking and feeling.  The devil may be trying to work in your mind and imagination to divide you from the people you both love and need.”  Did you catch that?  Dividing you from people you both love and need.  We need eachother.  If it is something that cannot be resolved then walk in forgiveness.  But if it is within your control to walk in peace with others, confront the issue.  Confront the issues that are hindering your relationships.  Confront the issues that are weighing down your thoughts.  Confront the issues- because not only will you be separated from those you love but it will continue to happen until you are left living life all alone.  Don’t fool yourself in to thinking it is just this one situation- what you don’t resolve, you will repeat!

"Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another,
forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."  
Colossians 3:13

 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” 
Matthew 5:9

A little girl's dream...

When I was in my preteen years I used to dream of being a runway model and how amazing it would be to wear designer clothes (which was in complete contrast to the hand-me-downs I was used to wearing from my sister or Goodwill), getting my hair and makeup done, and walking in the most fabulous heels.  Beautiful, glorious 4 inch heels.  Not to mention having my picture taken by complete strangers and posted in magazines.  Ah yes, that must be what the Lord had planned for my life, right?!  And then it happened, the day I was to be “discovered”.  My sister will remember it well because she watched the woman spot me out in a mall and finally all of those hours spent practicing my “walk” was finally going to pay off!  I was given a card with a date and time on it and my dad drove me out to their offices; I knew this would be a defining moment in my life and in fact it was.   My nerves were on overload from anticipation and then I heard the five words that every girl wants to hear “We’d love to have you”. If only his sentence had stopped there.  He proceeded to say “We’d love to have you, so after you’ve dropped about forty pounds come on back and we will get you started”.  Dream crushed.  It was at that moment I considered amputation, my leg had to weigh at least 40 pounds right?  I mean seriously, FORTY???  I am not sure what “look” they were going for but I was pretty sure I could starve myself for years and still not fit into what they wanted.  I am so thankful that my dream didn’t pan out because I can truly say that I am beyond thrilled with where God has me.  The whole purpose of this blog is to help, guide, and encourage girls so here it is, the helping, guiding and encouraging part… Back in February I ran across this video.  It is about a Victoria Secret model at the top of her career, who listened to her convictions and stepped down not only out of respect for her husband and her own body but also to be a better example for other girls.  AMAZING!  Yes there are those who say you can’t take back what you’ve already done, especially with all of the pictures and videos that are out there, but what an amazing example of how we should live!  Just because we are making wrong choices doesn’t mean we ignore our convictions because we can’t take it all back.  We put down wrong decisions and pick up humility and forgiveness and move on!  I hope that her story challenges you in some way to listen to those convictions deep down on the inside of you.  And know that I have been in your shoes when at times the right choice is the hardest choice!  When it would be easier to just keep living how you are living, doing what you've been doing, acting how you've been acting or talking how you've been talking.  The book of Esther teaches us this very concept, her life could have been taken but "who knows if perhaps [she was] made queen for just such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) 

http://landing.newsinc.com/chron/video.html?freewheel=90000&sitesection=houstonchron&VID=23572297 

PS That dream I had of modeling- well I was given the opportunity to “model” for my sister at two different occasions to build her portfolio and it was everything I dreamed of. I posted a picture below as proof... Funny how God listens and fulfills even the silliest of desires. And if you ever need some photography work done, check out her facebook page http://www.facebook.com/#!/StephanieWheelerPhotography!

Living HEAD over HEELS

While there are so many conclusions that can be drawn from the statement living "head over heels", I would like to offer my own definition of it on behalf of all women, young or not so young, out there (that is hoping that there is or will be someone "out there" reading this)! 

What is a woman?  Too often women are portrayed as a visual (most times sexual) object, something to look at, gather or use.  A decoration in an ad to sell a product.  A target for all things self improvement.  Don't get me wrong... I appreciate makeup, every barn needs a new coat of paint my husband says from time to time- jokingly of course.  I appreciate a cute dress.  And I REALLY appreciate a cute pair of heels.  Like really really, there isn't a day that goes by that I would rather walk around in a pair of tennis shoes.  But beyond all of that I have something of more value that cannot be bought in a store or shipped to my house from eBay... I have a BRAIN! Yes, it's true.  A cute pink one, well cute may be going a little too far but it is pink!  A brain that I use to gain knowledge and understanding, a brain that I use to contemplate issues and filter thoughts, a brain that I use to remind myself to live right and do right as my pastor's wife would always say, a brain that tells me there is more to me than what is seen, and a brain that is set on helping girls discover who God made them to be. 

Society may say to put priority on "looking good" but the Bible says we should put our priority on "being good".  Get it?  Head over heels!!! Think of it like a game of rock, paper and scissors- the bomb wins every time!  Wait, where did the bomb come in???  I was always thrown off when a friend would throw in the bomb, but it's time we take notice!  I may not be a ROCKstar, or PAPER thin, or even... well scissors... but I am THE BOMB!!! I have my own brain and I intend to use it!  So girls, let's decide within ourselves to think before we do, to reason before we react, to believe the Word before we believe the world, and to live HEAD over HEELS!  In the words of a very funny movie- "you is KIND, you is SMART, you is IMPORTANT"!!!

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting

but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised."

Proverbs 31:30