As I was writing last Monday about my
struggle with confrontation I realized that I had a lot to say about the matter
but not enough attention span to write it all in one blog- argot, a part two! If you read last week’s “motivational Monday”
blog you would know that I am an introverted person by nature but have
challenged myself to break out of my shell when necessary. Of course I am always prolonging the
inevitable confrontation by asking myself is it really necessary that I confront
this, like really? I don’t know about
you but I have had my fair share of pretty disgusting meals (at restaurants of
course not by anyone I know) but I don’t think I have EVER spoken up. I just sucked it down as fast as I could,
trying not to think of the undercooked mushy vegetables or the overcooked “blackened”
chicken. I mean the menu did say “blackened”,
maybe I should have just asked for burnt?
So what do you confront, when do you confront and why do you confront?
Those, my friends, are the questions!
The first question is the most important,
the “what”! If you are dealing with an
offense, a misinterpretation, or a wrong doing please please please understand
that you are confronting issues, situations, or attitudes- NOT people. There is a difference between confronting
issues and being confrontational with people!
The burnt chicken is not the fault of the waiter or even the cook; their
interpretation of blackened is just vastly different from my own. VASTLY!
Then we come to the “when”… oh how I
struggle within myself with the when!
Here’s the deal, if you are emotionally wrapped up in the issue then it’s
not the time. I understand there are some things that are time sensitive, but
it is better to have 5 minutes of constructive conversation rather than an hour
of blubbering insults. Let me tell you,
I can cry with the best of them but I know in that moment I won’t get
anywhere! So pull yourself together,
stand up tall, embrace the fact that you are feeling an emotion, but know that
you are not controlled by that emotion!
Don’t think that in order to get things accomplished you have to be an
emotionless figure of a woman. Allow
yourself to FEEL! Acknowledge that you are FEELING. And then speak the truth to that
FEELING. Are you feeling defeated? Then yes, you may have not won this round but
the Word says we are “more than conquerors” so you’ll get it the next time! Are you feeling angry? Ok then!
Jesus said “be angry but do not sin”!
So feel angry! Get MAD! But don’t let that feeling bubble over into
abusive language, physical damage, bitterness, jealousy, resentment, or hatred…
Then when you are settled down, when you’ve told that feeling what it can do,
resolve the issue!
You may have missed it but I answered the
“why”… look up at the last paragraph, it’s right there at the end… see it? RESOLVE the issue, that’s what confrontation
is all about!!!! We confront situations,
when we are clear headed, to resolve issues!!! Think about the situation you are
dealing with. Was it something that was
said or done? Was it an accumulation of
things that were said and done? Is it something that is easily forgiveable and easy to forget or will you secretly hold it against that person for years to come? Then ask
yourself why you want to confront it. I
hope your answer would be to peacefully resolve the issue and not “give them a
piece of my mind”; because if you start giving away pieces of your mind, well,
you won’t be left with much after a while!
Confrontation when done wrong brings separation but when done right
brings clearer communication! Be nice,
and do right. Yes, that is the key to a
woman’s true beauty! That and a cute
pair of stilettos… just sayin’!
Ephesians 6:15
And having shod your feet in preparation [to face the enemy with the firm-footed
stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news] of the
Gospel of peace.
Love it!
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