The Victory is Finally Complete

Philippians 4:7 "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

 

Peace which surpasses all understanding… all… understanding. 

 

Peace that wades through the aftermath of unimaginable circumstances and gives you the strength to get out of bed in the morning.  Peace that lifts up your head and allows you to face another day.  Peace that quiets the insurmountable pain and replaces confusion with stillness.  Peace that cannot and will never be understood, because it just doesn’t make sense. 

 

I need THAT kind of peace today.

 

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

Nine years ago I got a call that would forever change my life.  I had decided to not go the traditional college route after graduating high school and instead pursued my heart for ministry through a program called Master’s Commission.  This particular Saturday I was driving with a few friends to help out in a needy part of Roseville when the director of MC called to tell me that the Antekeier family had asked to be my host home for my first year.  It was a huge relief because this wonderful couple had been my youth pastors for the 3 years prior and I was excited to move into their home.

 

Cody and CJ, their two boys, had opted to share a room so that I could stay with them.  I had shared a room my whole life and new the independence that they were giving up.  I always appreciated that.  Throughout that year there were many many memories made, but even more so- lessons learned.  I learned what it meant to be a wife and a mother.  To be a youth pastor and a friend.  I learned how to really think about everything I said or did, and do things on purpose.  I learned how to prepare myself for things I wanted in life.  I learned how to ask forgiveness and get back up when I made a mistake.  I learned how to pay attention to detail and to do things with excellence.  I learned what meekness not weakness looked like.  Pastor Lori modeled it all.  I learned so much that year and for the nine years following it and still had so much more to learn. 

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

Last night my husband and I got another kind of call.  The call that comes in the middle of the night and shakes you to the core of your being.  She was gone.  My Pastor Lori was gone.  This amazing woman who had become like a second mother was gone.  After an incredible battle with leukemia, she would leave her earthly body and meet her Jesus in the sky.

 

I can’t tell you the amount of hurt that I have faced today.  I am sure it is nothing in comparison to what her family is facing.  With any loss you have questions of “why her” or “why now”.  The questions intensify and turn from grief to anger.  With fists clenched you want to scream at the sky and get some answers but there are no answers to be found.  I hate that there are no answers… but even without them I will still trust my Father in heaven.  I have questions but even greater, I have a Father who covers me with His peace that surpasses my need to understand.

 

I am reminded in this moment of when Paul said in Philippians 1- “ I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.”  It was better for her to go.  To be at peace.  To be whole and healed, dancing with her Savior whom she loved so much.  But for me, and for so many others it was not better.  It is not better.  When I think of me I am saddened and angry, but when I think of my Pastor Lori I am relieved.  She lived a selfless life, and in this moment I need to learn one last lesson from her- to be selfless.  

 

For myself and many others I am hurting, but for you I am so thankful.

You can rest now Momma, you can be with your Jesus and rest.

 

"Faith fights so we fight in faith until the victory is complete". 

She has fought.  She has won the ultimate prize- heaven. 

The victory is finally complete.