I have to do it myself

Standing toe to toe with anger, offense, bitterness, betrayal, hurt, pain, loss or grief is nothing uncommon.  We do it several times a month, a day even, and when we aren’t the ones facing such issues it seems as though our friends are.  Difficulty is all around us, and no one is out of its destructive reach.

 

Through the many struggles of life we are faced with a decision, a choice that can only and will only be made by none other than ourselves… a decision that will alter our present and inevitably change our futures.  The battle we are facing is ours to fight, only ours, but the outcome will affect many.  So we decide, we choose, to do battle.  We choose to put on our gloves and confront the very issue that plagues us.  No one can carry us through; we have to do it ourselves.

 

Reflecting on the past few weeks I have had with many dear friends in the midst of their own storms, I have felt a bit at a loss.  Helpless.  Like I could do nothing to fix or change their circumstances.  I want to swoop in and be the hero, make everything right again, but I can’t.  The only thing that is within my ability to do is to pray for God to intercede and then take a front row seat to their victory… and in some cases their defeat. 

 

Some people will choose unforgiveness, some people will choose hatred, some people will choose revenge, some people will choose destructive behaviors that carry them further and further into the darkest of seas… and I have a front row seat.

 

Well my friends, I can't do it anymore.  I need to do something... anything!

 

When God called Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt he wasn’t just asking him to lead them on a long walk.  He was asking Moses to fight against every enemy that would come against them, and there were many.  He was asking Moses to look beyond their sin, look beyond their complaining, look beyond their rebellion, and fight for them.  Fight for them because he was the only one who was promised victory.  He was the only one. 

 

In Exodus 17:8-16 we find Moses instructing Joshua to lead the army to battle as he would stand on Mt. Sinai with his arms raised.  This was how God instructed Moses that they would win; Joshua would fight and Moses would stand with his hands to the heavens.  At first glance it sounds like Moses got the better end of the staff, so to speak, but have you ever tried holding your arms up for any length of time?  I have… it was one of our punishments as kids.  We had to stand in a corner with our hands above our heads… and it stinkin’ hurts!  As long as Moses’ hands were up, they would win… but he got tired as anyone would, and his arms that once weighed only a few pounds now felt like he was carrying the literal weight of the world and as they sank lower to the ground the armies sank lower to their enemy. 

 

Only Moses’ hands would earn their victory.  Only his.  Aaron (Moses’ brother) could do no good with his arms flailing in the air begging for God to give the battle to him, it was not his battle to fight.  But reading further into scripture we find that Aaron could do something.  He could do one thing.  He could hold up the arms of Moses.  He could support him.  Because even though Moses had to do it himself, he did not have to do it alone.

 

So if you are facing a battle of your own, find a friend to help hold your arms up; someone who will support you no matter their personal opinions, someone who will challenge you to keep doing right when you get tired and weak, someone who will remind you to think and speak the Word over your situation, and someone who will stand with you believing God for your victory.

 

And if it isn’t you that is facing the storm, find a friend who is.  Be the one to decide that while you can do nothing but “be there”, that “being there” is enough.

 

Because while we have to do it ourselves, we don’t have to do it alone.

 

Philippians 1:27

Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven,
conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ.
Then, whether I come and see you again or only hear about you,
I will know that you are standing together with one spirit and one purpose,
fighting together for the faith, which is the Good News.

 

 

 

 

How did I get here?

With Father’s Day being this past weekend I was so thankful to have been in Northern California to celebrate my amazing Dad.  I can honestly say that I am who I am today because of him.  Yes, genetics plays a huge role in that, but my dad genuinely cares for people in the most sacrificial of ways and I know that I am a better youth pastor because of his example.  Being a few hours away now I wanted this day to be extra special so I tried to think of what he likes… and then it hit me; he enjoys homemade things but even more than that he loves surprises.  This of course gets a little tricky when you are trying to execute a plan while staying in his house with him around every corner.  In times like these it comes at a great benefit to be able to tell a complete believable lie… on the spot… with a straight face.  Not to say that this is a quality worth bragging about, but with all honesty I can say that I have only used my powers for good.

 

So here was the plan, we were going to surprise him at one of his favorite Mediterranean food spots and have a family dinner.  This could only be achieved with a few “stories” (because it sounds more Christ-like than lying) being told to him. 

 

Story #1- “I am baking cupcakes because someone found out I am in town and offered to pay me for them.” (When in reality they were for his special dinner)

 

Story #2- “Mom and Bethany need to run to the store to get a few more things for dinner.”

 

Story #3- “Since Mom and Beth are gone can you drive with me, Dad, so I can just run in to drop the cupcakes off without having to get Jake out of the car?” (This of course made way more believable due to the fact that Jake had been acting like his affectionate nickname- The Albino Terrorist- and my dad pitied me.)

 

Story #4- “We should stop by an ice cream shop and get a scoop while we are out… or better yet since Jake has had a ton of sugar, some hummus from Daphne’s!”

 

Story #5- “The girl is running late at her house so let’s stop for hummus first!”

 

The conclusion… My dad walking into the restaurant in a tank top (something he would never ever EVER wear to a dinner table), gazing at the menu, while all of my siblings and my mom are seated at a table complete with a fancy tablecloth and cheesy grins.  It was a glorious moment, I pulled it off.  I am the greatest liar ever!

 

Not braggingly of course.

 

And definitely not true.

 

That title, without question, is reserved for someone we all know too well.  He is the father of lies and sometimes like my dad we find ourselves stumbling into places completely unaware of the plans he has set out for us.  Have you ever had a moment of clarity and upon reflection of your life exclaimed, “how did I get here?”  How did I become this person?  How is this my life?  How have I come so far from God without even noticing?  This was never my dream, how did I get here?

 

I had a chance to meet up with a close friend of mine a few days ago and I heard those five words creep out of her mouth like a dark cloud creeps into a blue sky without warning.  It is one of the most heartbreaking things a person can hear, and even more heartbreaking to be the person saying it.  My heart was filled with sorrow and at that moment I wished more than anything that I could do something to help but I knew that all I could do was pray.  And so that’s what we did; we prayed.  And then as she left I continued to pray.  As I got halfway home I found myself still praying and even now as she crosses my mind I can’t hold back the prayers that fill my heart.  I want only the best for her and this was so far from it.  I had watched my friend so full of life and passion turn into a numb form of a woman, just trying to survive each day.  How did she get here?

 

And then I reflected on my past week staying with my parents.  Remembering the moments crying in a back room because the stress of my once do-no-wrong miracle baby had turned into a holy terror and all I wanted to do was sleep… for like twenty years… because I just couldn’t handle any more stress.  How did I get here?  How did I go from strong, capable, adaptable, woman to someone who hides from a two foot tall albino in a dark room?  How did I get here?

 

There are things both beyond our control and in it that have the power to guide us, and like a man without a map we find ourselves in the darkest of places that we were never intended to be.  It wasn’t God’s plan, and it surely wasn’t mine.  And while we may have not intended to be there, I can assure you my friend that someone did.  The bible says that “the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy you” (John 10:10).  He knows exactly which doors to open, what words to speak, and who to use to lead you to your very death.  He has a plan for your life, a sometimes glamorous but never fulfilling plan; like a mirage that you chase into the depths of a desert, only to find yourself alone and exhausted.  And even worse he can tell a completely believable lie… on the spot… with a straight face.  Just ask Eve, or Judas, or Peter… or anyone else for that matter!

 

I hate that the lies are so believable at first.  A dear friend of mine has always said that “the truth is so foreign because the lies are so familiar.”  The lies that steal our dignity, our worth, our dreams, our futures; the lies that slowly creep in and guide us into the darkest of places.  It won’t be fun.  It won’t be worth it.  It will hurt.   It is a big deal.  Whatever the lie… you will regret it, and you too will find yourself in a place of torment and loneliness saying “how did I get here?”

 

And if by chance you are in that place this is my prayer for you. I pray that you would find the “abundant life” that the Lord has planned for you (the response to the devil’s plans in John 10:10).  That you would learn to lean on and trust in Him to guide you back to a place of safety and security, a place where foundations never shake even during the strongest of storms.  That come Hell or high water you will choose to do the right thing and not just the easiest. That you walk in love and forgiveness toward others and yourself.  That you never forget that dark place and keep it as a reminder for when you are tempted to believe the lies again. 

 

That you never again have reason to say… “how did I get here?”

 

 

 

Psalm 91

¹ Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
    he is my God, and I trust him.
³ For he will rescue you from every trap
    and protect you from deadly disease.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers.
    He will shelter you with his wings.
    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
⁵ Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies in the day.
⁶ Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
    nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
⁷ Though a thousand fall at your side,
    though ten thousand are dying around you,
    these evils will not touch you.
⁸ Just open your eyes,
    and see how the wicked are punished.

⁹ If you make the Lord your refuge,
    if you make the Most High your shelter,
¹⁰ no evil will conquer you;
    no plague will come near your home.
¹¹ For he will order his angels
    to protect you wherever you go.
¹² They will hold you up with their hands
    so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
¹³ You will trample upon lions and cobras;
    you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

¹⁴ The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
    I will protect those who trust in my name.
¹⁵ When they call on me, I will answer;
    I will be with them in trouble.
    I will rescue and honor them.
¹⁶ I will reward them with a long life
    and give them my salvation.”

 

 

He is everywhere!

Youth camps were a big part of my teenage life.  As soon as one was over I was counting the days until the next one would happen.  When I was sixteen I had become so fond of these camps that I became a co-counselor and at 17 I was counseling on my own.  I don’t know exactly what I was thinking considering I myself was still in high school but those weeks brought some of the best memories I have as a teenager.  One of which being the traditional stop at the Pizza Factory in Marysville on the way home.  It was such a fun time to defrag from the week with other leaders, laugh at the craziness, and thank God for lives changed.  It was the only time each year that I knew we’d all have the chance to sit around a table, eat some amazing pizza, and be in awe of yet another incredible week.  God is so good.

 

As the years have come and gone we have moved a little further and a little further away from that camp up in Chico, CA but it’s memory will stay with me a lifetime.  From time to time I crave the camaraderie I found at that table, the encouragement, the laughs, the memories made, and even that delicious pizza.  Oh the pizza! If only it weren’t a five hour drive to get that little slice of heaven! 

 

After being in Visalia just a short while, my husband and I decided to explore our new city a bit and take the boys on a drive up the mountain to the Sequoia National Forest. (Granite we had only made it to the gate before realizing that we had started our trek a bit too late in the day for the boys to really appreciate it without a nap and had to turn back around.)  When we were about twenty minutes into our trip we reached a place called Three Rivers and we were in awe at how charming this little nook of a town was hidden in the mountains.  It has the cutest little ice cream shop, antique stores, trails galore, and then- out of the corner of our eyes we spotted it- a Pizza Factory!  It was here too!

 

Many of you who know our family, or have been following the blog, know that we lost an incredible woman last summer.  She had a huge impact on not only my life but so many others.  She was my youth pastor, my mentor, my spiritual mom.  Her words of advice have not only run laps but marathons in my mind throughout each season of life and as I saw the pizza sign that day for one of my favorite teenage memories something she had once said came to life for me...

 

“God is bigger than [where you are now]”.

 

I have to say I teared up a bit and had a bit of difficulty swallowing due to the giant lump in my throat that had formed from hearing her voice yet again in my head.  Her loss hasn’t been easy and I think of her often.  But this piece of advice, this one I’m sharing with you today, holds special meaning.  It was one of the last ones she had left with me before leaving this earth and I hope it speaks volumes to you…

 

We had been visiting after my husband and I had moved to Stockton (about 4 years ago) and she was inquiring as to how we were liking things.  “We love it”, I remember saying.  “It’s not Roseville, but it’s exactly where we are supposed to be right now and I love it.” She started smiling and shared with me about how she herself and her husband had faced a similar transition early in their marriage.  They were moving from a town she had always known to a place she had only heard of.  “It was scary, but I realized afterward that God was bigger than Marysville.”  She had moved from a place where she had come to know God and realized that He was with her wherever she went.  And not only that, but He was already in that new place working on people before she had even gotten there.  He wasn’t tied down to a city or to a place, a camp or a church.  He was everywhere. 

 

He is in the small church down the street and the megachurch on the corner.  He is in the town of two hundred and the city of two million.  He is present as far as the eye can see and He is present in places our human minds will never be able to comprehend.  He is everywhere.

 

He isn’t your mom and pop hole in the wall coffee shop, He’s Starbucks, and He is everywhere.

 

So for my friends who are graduating, the ones facing big life changes, and the ones still undecided about what to do next- rest in this, God is bigger than where you are now.  You will see, just as I had when finding that Pizza Factory hidden in the side of a mountain, that God is not so small that He can only be contained to one place.  He is bigger.  You don’t need to worry if God will provide; He will.  You don’t need to worry about the right doors opening; they will.  You don’t need to worry whether or not you will make new friends, new memories; you will.  You don’t need to fear the future, any part of it, because God is bigger than where you are now.  Take a big breath and jump right in to the destiny God has for your life, just as a child in a swimming pool.  It may be scary at first because you’ve never done it before but don’t worry; your Father is already there.

Psalm 46:1

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." NIV

Psalm 46:1

"God is our Refuge and Strength [mighty and impenetrable to temptation], a very present and well-proved help in trouble." AMP

Am I Okay?

They fumble around with no sense of direction or common sense.  They have way too much energy, courage, and curiosity for their tiny awkward stature.  And they always get into way too many shenanigans to be left unsupervised even for a moment… children… they are terrifyingly unaware of anything… until it is too late, that is.

 

As a teenager these miniature humans seemed so fragile.  At a youth event I once saw a child take a nose dive off of a few stairs onto a tile floor only to see the parent look at me and without missing a beat say, “don’t react”.  SERIOUSLY?! Your kid probably has a brain bleed after that fall and you are asking me to not  react, not even to check to see if he is ok?  I know he said this because he could see my eyes widen to an abnormal width and my arms flail out like a pizza delivery boy protecting his pizzas after being cutoff in traffic, but this was a time for panic- wasn’t it? 

 

I learned a very valuable lesson that day, one I will carry with me always as a mother.  When a child gets hurt, or thinks they may have gotten hurt, the first thing they will do is look for their parents' face and without uttering any words ask the question, “am I okay?”.

 

It has been proven time and time again.  And with much practice I have learned something even more valuable with dealing with a child who unfortunately has taken after his very clumsy mother; to the extent that I react they react. 

 

If I am in a panic then my boys will follow my lead and think that tripping over the rug for the umpteenth time will in fact be the cause of their untimely deaths.  But if I am calm as I hypothetically watch my child run through the house (after being told not to over a million times) and head straight for the side of our couch causing him to spin out of control and smack his face on the ground, all the while being watched by our social worker who is judging to see if we would be fit parents to adopt a little girl (or two), then I can instruct my shaking son who is looking at me with eyes that would bring any mother to tears and peacefully say- “you are ok, I know that must have hurt, but you are okay” and watch as he takes a big breath and continues on with the story of his baseball game.  Eye turning colors, swelling to double the size, and all.  Hypothetically of course.

 

But he is okay.  Because I said he was.  Not in a “suck it up, be a man” kind of way, but in a trusting “mom would know what to do if it was really bad” kind of way.  I have seen my fair share of trips, falls, smacks, whacks, and everything in between with these two boys of mine and I know as any parent would when it is most definitely not okay.  So when my boy looks at me after yet another accident I can assess if this is a hold-them-tight-and-repeat-you-are-okay kind of moment or wink-at-their-clumsiness-and-laugh-it-off one. 

 

Over time I have realized that there are many ways to deal with the fumbling’s of children.  Many that causes the children more trauma than comfort when a situation is catapulted way out of control with a parent’s hysteria.  And as children do, they feed off of that reaction and assume that they are in fact dying.  This is the end.  That is the last patch of grass they will ever trip over.

 

Here is what we can all learn from this, being a mother or not.  When we as children of God find ourselves in tough situations, look for His face.  Don’t look around at other people who will nine times out of ten make you feel more angry, more bitter, more hurt than you already do after a three hour venting session.  Look for His face.  Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Creator of the universe, the One who knows the beginning and the end, our Father, will most certainly be saying- you’re okay.  I know that must have hurt, but you are okay.

 

Not in a suck it up, fake it 'til you make it kind of way.

 

But in a trusting, my Father would know what to do if it was really bad, kind of way.

 

Look for His face.  Seek refuge in His divine nature.  Rest in His willing and able hands. 

You don’t have to pretend that you are okay in that moment, just trust that you will be.

 

 

 

2 Thessalonians 3:3

But the Lord is faithful.  He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.

 

2 Samuel 22:3-4

My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation,

my stronghold and my refuge, my Savior; You save me from violence. 

I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.

Change is Coming

Change is coming.  Like a storm on the horizon.  It is inevitable.  No one knows how bad it will be, where exactly it will affect the most, or even who it will drag into the middle of it all.  Only one thing is for sure… it is coming.

 

I can say this with all certainty, without even knowing your precise situation, because I know something both exciting and terrifying that many choose to ignore- life is change.  Whether you love it or hate it, it has always and will always be there.

 

When you are 12 you are promoted to junior high.  You lose recess but get school dances.  You lose friends but get a new school.  Change.

 

When you are 14 you are promoted to high school.  You lose your seniority but get a larger campus.  You lose your voice in a big crowd but get a larger variety of classes.  Change.

 

When you are 18 you graduate high school.  You lose a familiar environment but get a renewed sense of freedom.  You lose friends you’ve spent years making memories with but get the ability to choose the direction for the rest of your life.  Change.

 

When you are in your twenties there are even more changes.  New cities, new schools, new churches, new jobs, new relationships.   You get married and have a baby.  You have three babies.  Change change change.  And of course all of these are just the typical (minus the family of five status) and don’t even include a possible divorce in the family, a death, a big move, a loss of a friendship, a loss of a mentor.  So many things are constantly changing that the only thing you can bet your money on… is change.

 

I have gone through my fair share of transitions, the most recent of which being our big move to Visalia.  And for the sake of complete openness and honesty it was the hardest season of bitterness I have had to walk through to date.  Not because we moved.  Not because we felt we were wrong for moving.  Not even because every single bit of my life was altered.  It was hard because of people.

 

People make change hard.

 

People that I loved and had to leave.  People that we had poured our lives into and were devastated that God had called us on.  People that not only disagreed with our journey but made it a point to tell us how displeased they were.  People that have ignored, shunned, and even stopped believing in the calling of God on our lives because it didn’t match the plan they had for us.  All because of that dirty six letter word; change.

 

In this new season, in this new city, in this new church, and in our new home I am surrounded by an array of newness and I find myself disillusioned instead of delighted.   It isn’t what I thought it would be.  Instead of joy I am feeling loss.  Instead of excitement I am feeling anxiety.  But I know that I am where I am supposed to be, so why does it have to be this hard?  Why does change have to hurt?

 

While talking to (more like word vomiting all over) my beautiful Aunt over the weekend she made a profound statement that has brought me such peace in the midst of this storm.  She said… “you aren’t losing, you’re expanding”.  We see change as loss.  I lost a house that I made memories in.  I lost a youth group that I love dearly.  I lost mentors who once encouraged me.  I lost a sense of purpose that once defined me. But that isn’t the way God sees it.  The Bible says that “His ways are above my ways.  His thoughts are above my thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8). 

 

Everything I thought I had lost, God has expanded.  He has pushed the walls back that I once believed were so immovable and I am living in this idea of “more”.  More places for memories to be made, more students to love on and believe in, more voices that have helped shape and guide me, more vision and possibility than I could see before.  It isn’t loss it is expansion.  It isn’t less it is more. 

 

God’s intentions for our lives, His plans for us, are to move us from glory to glory (from better to even better) but we often see the years pass as two steps forward and one step back.  Something gained and something lost.  We make everything so personal that we forget the “more” that God has in mind.  We see change as bad instead of just different.  We “lose” a friend instead of a friendship being different.  We “lose” a home instead of our home being different.  We “lose” a job instead of a job being different.

 

The only thing we truly lose with change is our preconceived expectations.

 

It isn’t what you thought it would be.  It isn’t how you thought it would go.  It isn’t who you thought would stick around.

 

It isn’t our thoughts, our ways.  And that’s ok.  It never will be.  But know this; you are not alone in it.  We all go through change and will for the rest of our lives.   So get ready, because it is coming. 

 

 

Psalm 18:30

As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

 

Psalm 145:17

The Lord is righteous in all His ways,
Gracious in all His works.

Trading Clothes

When is the last time you stared at your closet, full of clothes, and thought “I have nothing to wear”?  I can take a guess and say it was this morning, and if not I am pretty sure that it’s safe to say it hasn’t been longer than a week since those words (whether spoken or thought) ran across your mind.  Because we are girls and that’s what we do; we look at full closets and see nothing.  Nothing that hasn’t been worn fifty times, nothing that covers us in all the right places, nothing that is both comfortable and fashionable… nothing. 

 

It’s a gift really, like magic.  There are fifty shirts and we see nothing.

 

Just a few short months ago we moved into a new house and I reorganized my whole life.  I would like to pretend that that is an exaggeration but who am I kidding, I love organization and I seized the opportunity to go over every drawer/closet/box with a fine toothed comb and trash every unneeded thing.  It was glorious.  Until I came to my closet of course and then out of the shadows of my soul crept out this hoarder that couldn’t stand the thought of getting rid of “this shirt” or “those pants” because “one day I might want to wear them again”.  “I’ll need them one day”.  “Maybe I won’t, but I might, need them.”  So the battle between the Purger and the Hoarder began.  And in the end, they both won.

 

I put all of the clothes that I hadn’t worn in a while (or knew I shouldn’t wear again) in a trash bag… and then put the trash bag back into my closet.  Voila, compromise at its best.

 

And there, in the back of my closet, this bag has sat for three months.  I didn’t need it, but I just couldn’t get rid of it.  Because I might need it again.

 

This past weekend we held a “Shirts & Skirts Trade Event” for the girls of TheChurch at Visalia and it was so much fun to see everyone trading things they hadn’t worn in a while and going home with new-to-them clothes.  They had some delicious food, got their hair/makeup done, took some fun pictures, and shared in some great laughs.  But my favorite part of the night came at the very end when I had the opportunity to sit with them and look them in their eyes to share with them that it was time- time to trade clothes.

 

Trade clothes?  Didn’t we already do that?  Yes… and no. 

 

Proverbs 31 is a beautiful chapter of a crazy woman who wakes up at the butt crack of dawn to sew clothes, prepare meals, water fields, balance the check book, and conquer the world.  And whenever I need a swift kick in the backside in regards to being a wife and a mother I turn to Proverbs 31.  In verse twenty five there is this beautiful gem of a statement that was so fitting for our event.  It says, “she is clothed with strength and dignity”. 

 

Clothed.

 

She puts them on every day… as clothing… to cover her.  Strength.  And dignity.

 

In the Amplified version of the verse it goes even further to say that “her position is strong and secure”.  So it is safe to say that she wasn’t wearing a bikini in verse 25. Strong and secure.  If you know what I mean.  And if you are a girl, I know that you know what I mean.

 

So what does this verse mean for us?  How do we become strong and secure?  We trade.  We trade our clothing of insecurity, our clothing of guilt, our clothing of condemnation, our clothing of comparison, our clothing of compromise for the clothing of strength and dignity.  It isn’t good enough to bag all of the old stuff up and keep it in the back of our closet, because it is always there to drag out from time to time whenever we feel at our worst. 

And it is all too easy to stare at those old clothes hanging on the trading rack and think that no one would even noticed if they slipped back into your bag.   (Not that I wanted to claim my old clothes considering they were practically the only ones left after our clothes exchange; it's safe to say I must have crept into some mom style, unbeknownst to me, and now need to find my way back to this thing called "fashion".)  Just like that we are reclaiming what we know we should be giving up.  Just like that old habits creep back in.  Just like that we find our old excuses for why we need these things back in our lives.  But we don't. 

It isn’t a trade if you hold on.

 

So let it go.  And please don’t sing the song, if I hear it one more time I might go crazy.

 

You sang it, didn’t you?  *shakes head*

 

We need to wake up every morning, look at ourselves in the mirror, and choose to be strong and secure.  Just as you decide what you wear to school.  It is your clothing.  It is a choice. And just as our clothes sometimes take a beating (especially if you are me and are prone to find every hidden mud puddle or slippery patch of grass), our strength and dignity will take a beating as well.  “But when we are in Him, we are a new creation.  The old passes away [with all of its stains and tears] and EVERYTHING becomes new.”  So if you find yourself wearing dirty clothes put them in the washing machine of 2 Corinthians 5:17 and wake up to some new ones. 

 

You are beautiful.  You are strong.  You are secure.

 

And of course, you is kind, you is smart, you is important too!

 

 

 

Psalm 30:11

You changed my ·sorrow [mourning] into dancing.
You took away my ·clothes of sadness [sackcloth],
and clothed me in ·happiness [joy].

It has been long enough

Centuries ago the Israelites wandered in the desert celebrating the miracles of God one minute and forgetting all about Him the next.  Praising Him for their deliverance and then cursing Him for their “lack”.  And after reading through the first few books of the Old testament I can’t help but wonder, if we ever look as fickle and ridiculous as we sound sometimes. 

 

Because...

 

He either is My Provider or He isn’t.

 

He either is My Healer or He isn’t.

 

He either is My Redeemer or He isn’t.

 

Surely He can’t be both, can He?  Because in all fairness, we treat Him as though He were… both that is.

 

One minute we are thanking Him for providing us with our needs and the next we are crying over another obscure bill that has just come in the mail.  After the five other obscure bills that had just come before that.  Or is that just me?

 

One minute we are praising Him for ridding us of our flu (I know I am not the only one who has muttered the words, “if you just heal me it’ll be the last thing I ask for”, mid-barf) and the next we are sitting in shock over another cancer diagnosis. 

 

One minute we are sharing His goodness over the difficulties He has helped us to overcome and the next we are bottling up our emotions and hiding our faces as we endure yet another trial.

 

He either is or He isn’t, my friends. 

 

When reading in Deuteronomy the first chapter opens up with the end.  The end of the wilderness.  The end of the trials.  The end of the their wandering.  The Israelite’s finally get to have their happy ending, the Promised Land.  God speaks to them in verse six something so powerful that I almost missed it when reading it the first time, He said “‘You have stayed long enough at this mountain.”  Such beautiful words.  You have stayed long enough.  Or for us, we can read it this way… it has been long enough.

 

It has been long enough wandering around in our wishy-washy Christianity.  It has been long enough doubting the very Creator who has proven Himself time and time again.  It has been long enough carrying the burdens of this world on our own.  It has been long enough rebelling against the very things we know we should be doing.  It has been long enough.

 

The Promised Land was still going to be a fight but it had been long enough.  It is time to really trust Him, to really take Him at His words.  That no matter the life circumstances, the truth of the Word is still absolute.  Whether we understand it or not, He is who He says He is.  He can do what he says He can do.  And in this season of celebrating the gruesome death of our Savior so that we could live eternally with our Father, let us not find ourselves in the same wilderness as the Israelites.  Rejoicing one day and forgetting the next.

 

He is the great I AM, so let Him be whatever it is you need Him to be. 

 

If you need a provider, He IS   (Philippians 4:19)

 

If you need a comforter, He IS   (John 14:26)

 

If you need a friend, He IS   (Proverbs 18:24)

 

If you need a healer, He IS   (Isaiah 53:5)

 

If you need a redeemer, He IS   (Isaiah 44:22)

 

If you need a savior, He IS   (1 John 1:9)

 

How many times must God prove Himself before we truly believe without doubting?  How many times must He rescue us before we trust Him completely.  How many times?  If we have forgotten then it is time to start remembering.  It has been long enough my friends.

 

 

 

James 1:5-7

If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him. Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind. For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord.